He Has and Is What You are Looking For

Leah conceived and bore a son and named him Reuben for she said, “Because the LORD has seen my affliction; surely now my husband will love me.” Genesis 29:32 NASB

I am struck by the desperation of Leah as I read of her life, marriage, and search for love. Her affliction was barrenness and a marriage void of love. The children she conceived became her means whereby she hoped to gain the love and companionship of her husband. Her desire was to be valued and counted as dear. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved. It is an inward desire we were created with. The problem is how we go about trying to obtain that love….especially when it is withheld.

I find it interesting that after multiple pregnancies and births, love from her husband is still not realized. Her actions have not earned her the favor she had hoped for. While her womb, arms, and home are full of children she still lives empty and deprived. Her “surely now my husband will love me” words have not come to pass.

It has taken me years to realize my heart needs are what drive me to do the things I do. It is so easy to look to people to heal my wounds, ease my worries, and just plain fix me. I somehow want to place on them the responsibility for my spiritual well being and maturity. When all the while God is inviting me to come to Him and live my life out of my daily connection and relationship with Him.

He has recently taken me through three essential steps in my walk with Him. He brought me to the place of realizing everything I am and need is found in Christ. Not only my salvation but my very existence. He then walked me through the process of transferring my dependency on individuals over to Himself. Then He helped me to see that living out of my spirit (my relationship with Him) must replace living out of my soul (my mind, will, and emotions).

It has been His way of saying, “I have much more to offer you than you could ever hope to find in people.” He is helping me to see what has hindered me from taking Him up on His invitation to “come unto Me.” As the hindrances are realized and removed I am finding a satisfaction and completeness in Christ that I never imagined would be possible.

Father, You are teaching me how to come to You. Thank you for never allowing people to do for me what You alone can do. Amen.