Breaking the Chain

But all this gives me no satisfaction as long as I see that Jew Mordecai sitting at the king's gate. Esther 5:13 (New International Version)

Haman’s satisfaction, delight, and pleasure was unfelt due to what he chose to dwell upon and what he allowed to consume him. He had vast wealth, many sons, honor bestowed upon him by the king, special treatment, and promotions, yet his disdain for Mordecai kept him from enjoying any of it. Mordecai’s refusal to show him homage ate away at him and until he could annihilate him and his people (the Jews) he would be ruled by dissatisfaction and bitterness.

I can relate with Haman’s problem. Although he was in the wrong his attitude and actions hit home with me. I know what it is like to zero in on the losses, heartaches, and difficulties of life and subsequently lose the joy of living. A friend of mine calls it focusing on the black spot on the wall. It is that minute detail that holds not only my attention but my heart as well. It is the ever present cloud over my parade. It remains in the backdrop of my thoughts, ever ready to dampen any mood, darken any room, and weaken any resolve to live differently. It is my “life would be great if it weren’t for THIS” statement. It is the tender spot that reveals the area in my life that is still in need of God’s gracious touch and healing.

Where do I begin to loosen its hold and effect on my life? Like a heavy chain that still wraps itself around my soul, I am learning I must attend to one link at a time. Links have weakened and snapped as I have acknowledged their presence, confessed my heart attitudes, and looked for truth. I am down to what feels like the last few links…..the most profound and stubborn of them all. They are being dealt with through prayer….mine as well as individuals I trust. Last night, I took the worse case scenario, the deepest thoughts and feelings about this whole situation chain and brought it to my Heavenly Father. In the quietness of the late night hours I whispered to Him, “What if my perceptions are true and it really is as bad as I think? I begin with that premise and by Your grace I choose to walk in forgiveness and acceptance.” Sleep came quickly and I woke this morning feeling a bit less like Haman.

Father, I am tired of missing out on the joy of living and the delight of knowing You. Detach me from being controlled by anyone or anything apart from Youself. Teach me the better way to live. Amen.

On My Knees - Jaci Velasquez
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gArr7gyiMBY&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.