Soul Clinging

Not what I will [not what I desire], but as You will and desire. Matthew 26:39 Amplified Bible

It takes two things in order for this prayer to truly become my own. It takes a child-like trust in God and a willingness to let go of the very things I am clinging to. One author referred to it as “soul clinging.” The minute I read that phrase I knew the meaning of it.

I will hold tightly to that which I believe will bring me pleasure, satisfaction, fulfillment, and delight. What I have grown use to and dependent upon I often cling to the tightest. What I feel I need and cannot live without remains in my grasp. I am not only a creature of habit but I am a creature of survival as well. Without the realization that God has my best interest at heart and stands ready to offer me those things that will far surpass anything I am clinging to, I will be unable and unwilling to let go. They may be things that are good in themselves but wrong for me. Their usefulness has been complete, their purpose has been fulfilled, and their essence of life has been extracted. But exchanges will not be made until I extend open and empty hands to my heavenly Father.

I have experienced the pain of having my fingers pried from the “treasures” I held on to, but my soul continued to cling to them for all I was worth. How God’s heart must ache to see me hesitate and resist His work in my life. I foolishly think I know what is best and try to wait God out in order for Him to finally give me what I am so sure I need. In reality, I simply postponing His intended blessing and desire for me.

When I look at the two choices I may be tempted to think mine is the better option. I assume the exchange will not bring about the same results I think I will find in having my way. The tears fall, the ache continues, the turmoil remains until I finally see I am hurting myself through resisting change. It clouds my vision, skews my thinking, robs me of joy, and frustrates me with sleepless nights. How sad and how unnecessary! God knows the reasons behind my actions. Sometimes it is pride. Sometimes it is distrust. Sometimes it is hurts and wounds. Sometimes it is lack of knowledge. But EVERY time it is choice and contrast of wills. And each day it is with patience and love that God continues to offer me what is best! He knows the joy that awaits me if I would but make the exchange.

Father, tears have fallen as I have continued to hold on to my will, my dreams, and my desires. Help me to live with abandon and trust in You. Help me to let go! Amen.