Be My Helper

"Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me; O LORD, be my helper." Psalm 30:10 (New American Standard Bible)

There are times when no one in your life can help you but God. Even if someone asked you to explain and share your deepest thoughts the words would remain stuck inside of you. There are times when the emotional roller coasters don’t seem to stop long enough for you to catch your breath before the ride starts all over again.

I am a talker by nature and enjoy laughter. I grew up in a household that was filled with both. But all that talking and all that laughter lacked the sharing of true feelings, needs, emotions, and hurts. At a very young age I learned to keep much of my thoughts and feelings to myself. Something told me people either wouldn’t be interested in what I had to say or they would respond negatively toward it. I can count on one hand the number of times I remember showing tears to anyone in my family. Tears were meant to be hidden and shed in secret. It was safer that way.

What I have come to realize as an adult is when our emotions and feelings are buried as a child we can often struggle to be open and honest with those around us. The simple question of “how are you?” is always answered with “fine” even when inside we are in turmoil. The question persists as to whether or not we should take the risk and share how we are really feeling with those closest to us. And when we do share we eventually wonder if we have shared too much. We ponder whether the person we are talking to is slowly getting a picture of us that will one day cause them to walk away. I have heard it said that the greatest fears a person can have are abandonment and rejection. I have to ask myself at what age was that seed of fear implanted in me. When did I lose the ability to trust? When did I allow perceptions to dominate my thinking and wreak havoc in my relationships?

I don’t have the answers to those questions but I know the One who does. I know He intends more for me than I am experiencing. I know He is moving Heaven and Earth to develop in me a childlike trust in Himself and those He has brought into my life. I know it will be worth it when it finally happens. I also know I strain at the process and grieve at my own lack of cooperation. In moments like this the unchanging and unconditional love of God is what I find comforting and amazing. He holds all the answers and He holds me. At this moment, I find solace in Him.

Father, when I struggle with my thoughts, only You can calm the storm. Only You. Amen.

Help Me God - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmSSWHO8ueA

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.