A Productive Process

You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God…you will be called ‘My delight is in her’…for the LORD delights in you…as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so your God rejoices over you. Isaiah 62:3-5

In the summer of 2004 I came across this passage for what seemed like the first time. I had been on my journey for barely five months and this is what I journaled at the time…

It touches my heart and blows my mind that God sees me as a crown in His hand. Something of worth, value, and beauty. Someone He cherishes, loves, delights in, and rejoices over. May He steal my heart and keep me in awe of such wonder. His love and gentleness are foreign to me. I have viewed Him as tolerant of me at best. I was satisfied if I wasn’t offending Him in any way but I never dared to dream that He would actually extravagantly love me. Slight interest but not delight and rejoice over me. Slave master and harsh judge but not gentle, caring Abba Father. My view of Him has been distorted like bad reception on a tv. But through His Spirit, Word, and gentle touch He will bring Himself into right focus for me.

At that time, I was just beginning to catch a glimpse of the truth about God and His love for me. I longed for the picture to be clear and truthful. I wanted to see myself through His eyes. Now, almost two years later this passage does not seem foreign to me anymore but it still arrests the deepest part of me as I drink in words like delight and rejoicing. As I daily take in His message to me I become the recipient of His smile, His encouragement, His touch, and His delight.

I cannot point to an exact time when God finally convinced me of the truths of His love. It was a process much like a metamorphosis. I began reading His Word and devouring books that taught me the truth about His love for me. Over the course of months the truth began to sink in. The fog of my soul was beginning to clear away and what I saw was breath taking.

He is not finished with me yet. There are still lies and distortions He wants to reveal and heal. But what He has done so far is beyond what I at one time thought was possible.

Father, you continue to amaze me with the truths of Your heart. The more I see the more I hunger. Show me, convince me, change me. Amen.

Staying in the Battle

He arose and struck the Philistines until his hand was weary and clung to the sword, and the LORD brought about a great victory that day, and the people returned after him only to strip the slain. 2 Samuel 23:10

I love this one-verse story. In the midst of a battle, Eleazar’s comrades desert him but onward he is compelled to go. He rises to the occasion, sticks it out, grows weary, clings to His sword, and God gives him the victory. The whole thing is squeezed into one little verse! Talk about a concentrated capsule. We are not told the number of the Philistines, the length of the battle, or any further details. But as I read this verse my heart races with the strength and power of the story. I appreciate the intensity of Eleazar’s fight.

This morning I am reminded of battles we each must fight. Sometimes we are surrounded by fellow believers and we share in the conflict. There is strength in number and comfort in knowing we are not alone. But more times than not it seems we have our Eleazar moments. The people in our life have withdrawn or just aren’t aware of our personal battle. It could be a loss, a habit, an attack, or any number of enemies.

There was a time my list was long for who I could call during hard times. I gleaned counsel and prayer support from numerous sources. Eventually the list was intentionally being reduced by a loving heavenly Father who wanted me to learn to go to Him. Lately, I am finding a desire to make Him my refuge to whom I run. The sword I cling to is His Word --- knowing He will bring the victory.

It is not always fun, comfortable, or understandable but is it definitely worth it. Each incident strengthens my spiritual muscles and draws me into closer relationship with Him.

Father, when I am battle weary, strengthen me for the fight. Continue to help me cling to You and Your Word. Amen.

Seeing Where the Problem Lies

Call the Sabbath a delight, the holy day of the LORD honorable, and honor it, desisting from your own ways, from seeking your own pleasure, and speaking your own word, then you will take delight in the LORD. Isaiah 58:13, 14

Ever feel like God wasn’t hearing you, speaking to you, or moving on your behalf? Your prayers seem to be just words, your spirit goes unmoved, and God seems distant? I’ve been there and it is never fun. Maybe some of you can relate with what I am about to share.

About a month ago something happened in a relationship that sent me reeling. I could not begin to list the number of emotions that hit me all at once. The hurt was deep, the fear was incredible, and the battle was on. I could not shake it. I tried all the things I thought would work. I stayed in the Word, cried out to God, spoke the truth to replace lies, reminded myself that God’s hand was in all of it, confessed my idolatry, and clung to God’s hand with everything in me. But the whole time, my soul seemed dark, my spirit remained low, and I could not seem to move forward on my journey. I would have a few moments of relief in my day but would eventually spiral back down. I thought with time I would just get over it. God knew better.

I went for a walk last night and spent the first 15 minutes in silence. Neither God nor I spoke. It was horrible. I was miserable. Then I asked God to show me what it was that was blocking me from hearing Him, feeling close to Him, and moving past my situation. He wasted no time in revealing the problem. I saw clearly for the first time that I had become bitter. A root of bitterness had taken hold and it was growing quickly.

Freedom came and joy followed when tears flowed out of repentance and brokenness. The acknowledgement and confession of my own bitterness was the key to God removing what had been growing in me. I woke this morning without the pain, sorrow, and disappointment that has consumed me for the past month. Imagine a boat tied to a dock. The motor is full throttle, water is splashing all over the place, the noise is extreme, but the boat is going no where. I was that boat and my bitterness was the rope. Confession cut the line and I am moving forward! Praise God!!!!

Did God change my circumstance? No. He changed me!

Father, You have set this captive free and I am ecstatic! Amen!

A Permanent Resident

I dwell on a high and holy place, and also with the contrite and lowly of spirit. Isaiah 57:15

I marvel at God’s choice of residence. He sits enthroned in the glories of Heaven. Surrounded by beauty, angels, and worship. His power, might, and wisdom cannot be harnessed. He is God! Creator of Heaven and Earth. Sustainer of all life. And yet He longs to live in each one of us. To be a permanent resident!

This verse makes me picture a house. And what is it that swings open the front door and welcomes God in as a member of the family? Contrition and lowliness! My sorrow over sin and shortcomings and loss of self-assertive pride are the welcome mats to my heart. They invite God into my life and it is an invitation He never refuses. I misunderstood this for years.
I knew at salvation I had nothing to offer Him. I needed Him to forgive my sin and save me. When I accepted Christ as my Savior, He accepted me as His child. It changed where I would spend eternity and how I would live my life here. Yet somehow with time I lost the ability to be vulnerable with God.

My Christian life became a never ending attempt to put my best foot forward with my heavenly Father. The more I tried to show myself strong and capable of living a victorious life, the less I was able to admit to Him my own places of brokenness and failure. I bought into the lie that my imperfections, weaknesses, and vile tendencies repulsed and disappointed God when it came to His opinion of me. Not only did that cause me to pull in the welcome mat, it closed the door and kept me at arms length from having a close, intimate relationship with Him.

When Jesus told the Pharisees that a doctor is needed for the sick and not the healthy, I missed His point. All of mankind is sick! But only those who will admit it can get help. He longs for me to come to Him freely on a daily basis and admit where I need Him. It must be a life style of honesty with Him. Confession is not beating myself up over failure as much as it is simply admitting what God already knows about me. It allows Him to live in me and begin His work of revival.

Father, I am through with pretending. I welcome You in! Amen.

They Go Together

Seek the LORD while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts, and let him return to the LORD, and He will have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. Isaiah 55:6,7

I love the “sandwich” imperatives in this passage. Forsaking our ways and thoughts is sandwiched between seek the Lord and return to the Lord. It is a packaged deal. Seeking the Lord and returning to the Lord entails abandoning my ways and thoughts that are contrary to Him. In other words, I cannot hold on to my own ways and thoughts when I am attempting to return to the Lord.

Returning implies doing an about face in my life. Picture a person leaving his home . If he stays on the road he is following he gets further and further away from his home. But if he were to simply turn around he would begin making his way back.

I find it interesting that ways and thoughts are both mentioned. Since my actions stem from my thoughts both need to be forsaken. What is neat though is that if I take care of one the other will automatically be affected. That is why Romans 13:2 reminds me that a transformation or change is brought about by the renewing of my mind. A change in the way I am living my life and the direction I am going requires a change in my way of thinking. Imagine starting each day with a prayer for God to renew, restore, refresh, renovate, and rejuvenate our mind. Talk about a make-over!

The result of all this is that God will have compassion and will pardon (forgive) us. Once again I picture the father who welcomes back the prodigal son. I must constantly be aware of how much God longs for me to come back to Him and the gracious, loving reception that awaits me when I do.

Father, there is such hope that forsaking my ways and thoughts to return to You is a rich and worthwhile experience. Thank You that You never grow tired of seeing me come back to You. Amen.

My Main Counselor

Incline your ear and come to Me. Listen, that you may live. Isaiah 55:3

For decades I missed out on the experience of hearing God speak to me directly on a regular basis. At times when I should have been leaning over and listening to what God wanted to tell me I was constantly running to people. I was looking to certain individuals to give me wisdom, direction, and guidance for numerous situations and decisions. While it may have seemed easier to go to them, in the long run I was paying a high price in my walk with God.

Aside from always feeling needy, indecisive, and crippled, I was keeping myself from developing a close, intimate relationship with God. While the Bible certainly talks about the wisdom that can be found in many counselors, there is a danger when God is not my ultimate Counselor. When I am spending more time listening to other people’s voices rather than God’s voice I am missing out on so much.

I think of it this way. How well would I develop a friendship with someone if I had very little communication with them? If I chose someone who knew her well and I communicated with that person instead of the actual one I wanted to have a friendship with, there would not be a relationship at all. This person might be able to tell me things they know and experiences they have but none of that would help me to build my own relationship. How different though if I would pick up the phone or meet with the person directly.

It is the same way with God. If I want to really know how to live the Christian life and know His voice I must learn to go to Him and listen! I have been amazed in just the past couple of weeks at how much He will say to me because I am finally taking the questions to Him. Do I miss the human counselors? Sometimes. Will I ever again seek a person’s advice? Perhaps. But the experience of learning to seek His face, stand in His presence, and hear His voice is so much better!

Father, the day I learned to go directly to You was the beginning of a new way of life for me. May it always be Your voice I seek to hear and listen to. Amen.

Dealing With Shame

But you will forget the shame of your youth. Isaiah 54:4

I have a list of past sins, guilt, and shame that rears its ugly heard from time to time. The enemy of my soul loves nothing more than to remind me of past failures, deliberate sinful choices, and shameful acts. Sometimes the people in our lives do the same with looks and comments that let us know they haven’t forgotten what we did.

Freedom from shame and the ability to forget can only be accomplished when we see that it is not God who is condemning us. When we realize the truth of Isaiah 53 we begin to see it has ALL been paid for. Then Isaiah 54 replaces the image of a harsh, condemning God with a God of compassion and loving kindness. It is only as I see these truths side by side can I begin to discard the shame and walk in beauty.

It is occurring to me that from childhood I have struggled in the area of dealing with sin in the right way. Fear of disapproval, punishment, and anger was all it took for me to hide the truth about myself and my actions. At a young age I learned to dress myself in shame and the garments stayed on me well into adulthood.

What is the message shame gives me? It tells me because of my actions I am worthless, no good, ruined, disgusting, unlovable, and devalued. I then take that message and determine I will do everything I can to make sure no one finds out. It becomes a life of hiding and secrets.

It wasn’t until recently that I learned there is freedom when I come before God in honesty. As I admit what He already knows and longs to forgive, the prison door of shame swings open and I am free. While God does judge sin, He loves me with compassion, mercy, and grace. It is His heart’s desire to forgive, redeem, restore, and reconcile me with Himself. He is not wanting me to live my life in shame. Rather than walk with downcast eyes, slumping shoulders, and internal condemnation, He desires me to accept His forgiveness and live unashamed.

Confession is necessary but it is not the whole story. It is simply the first step in replacing shame with a song of freedom and deliverance.

Father, so often I forget Your heart. Sorrow over sin should drive me to You. Shame will cause me to hide. May I stop hiding. Amen.