Watching, Waiting, and Being Heard

Therefore, I will look unto the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7 (King James Version)

My actions follow decisions I make in my mind. It is interesting how many phrases are found in scripture that begin with "I will." I will bless the Lord at all times. I will lift up mine eyes to the hills. To name just a couple.

In Micah 7:7 I see two "I wills" and one "God will." Micah had a predetermined plan for when the difficulties of life arose. Problems are inevitable in this life. We cannot escape pain, suffering, loss, or disappointment. Sorrows cannot always be avoided but we can choose ahead of time what our course of action and attitude will be when the storms of life do come crashing in on us.

First, we can look to God. Watch expectantly as the New American Standard Bible says. Look to Him for direction, provision, protection, security, encouragement, counsel, empowerment, intervention, and rest. He can give us the pioneer spirit to continue on in the adventures and valleys of life.

Then we can wait on Him. Scripture says, "They that wait on the Lord, shall renew their strength." The children of Israel fastened their eyes on the pillar of fire by night and pillar of cloud by day. They waited for movement in the sky before moving forward on the earth. Waiting on God is not wasted time or blind faith. It is wisely aligning myself with God's timetable and plan. The waiting time is productive when spent drawing close to Him, recounting His faithfulness in the past, praying without ceasing, and standing on the truths learned so far. As I wait on God I can rest assured He is either preparing me or preparing others for what lies ahead.

The most assuring words in this verse are the promise that my God will hear me. He not only hears my words but He understands my thoughts and motives as well. I find that His desire is for me to be honest with Him. Fears, doubts, discouragement, and confusion always super-size themselves when buried in the deep places of my heart. They tend to dissipate as I voice them out loud to God either verbally or in written form.

Waiting does not mean inactivity. It simply means to continue at the task at hand until He opens the way for movement forward. That is why I am so encouraged by my Bible ancestors and the precious examples they left for me to follow.

Father, how comforting to know that my words to You never fall on deaf hears, inattention, bored looks, or sighs of exasperation. Amen.

Fashioned by His Hands

This is the day the LORD has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 (New King James Version)

An email to a friend last night revealed disappointment and discontentment. Not with her but with the way things weren’t. I was begrudging the fact that the people I want in my life aren’t. For one reason or another, they are no longer involved. I no sooner sent the email when God began to speak to my heart about that issue and my attitude toward it. He challenged me with the question, “What if I chose to live each day with anticipation and expectation of what He had for me?” This meant approaching each day with an eagerness to see who God would cross my path with and what experiences He would bring into THAT day. Wishing for and wanting what is not mine, robs me of the joy and rejoicing that would be mine if I chose it.

I went to sleep with that thought on my mind and this morning I was awakened with the words of Psalm 118:24. Today is a day God has fashioned. Just like He created the world, He has made THIS day. He has put His time, energy, love, and creativity into each part. Today has been designed with care, not just randomly thrown together. Within this day will be opportunities to minister to others as well as be ministered to. I don’t want to miss any of it! I don’t want to continue sacrificing the day on my own altar of wishes, wants, and longings. I want to cultivate a heart of contentment, satisfaction, and rejoicing in the day with which God gifts me. That is only possible as I begin to live in the NOW and to practice His presence TODAY!

While the molding of this day is God’s doing, the rejoicing and being glad involves my will. It is a conscious decision I must make and a choice I must embrace. The wonderful part is that even when it is difficult, He is willing to give me the grace to rejoice! He can help me enter this day with wide open eyes of wonder and amazement. He has beauty, surprises, and treasures just waiting to be seen and discovered. How His heart must ache when I miss them due to wrong focus or desires. This is not meant to be just an ordinary day, although it may be filled with ordinary moments. It is meant to be an extraordinary day because it has been designed by an extraordinary God!

Do I still miss the people I was thinking of last night? Yes! Do I still wish they were a part of my life and journey? Absolutely! But God’s ways are higher than my ways and my heart is resting in that truth today!

Father, I confess to You my covetousness and discontentment. How You long for me to receive the gift You have prepared for me in this day! May there be no more missing of any moments. Amen.

Knowing the Truth

The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying: “ Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. Jeremiah 31:3 (New King James Version)

I am so glad that God let us know the many things about Himself and His heart! He did not wait until eternity to tell us of His love and care. He has made sure it is mentioned on pretty much every page of Scripture. His words are meant to minister to us and reassure us as we walk our path of life. I am delighted He chose to speak plainly of His love, forgiveness, presence, purposes, protection, attention, acceptance, and desires. It has never been His intent that I go through life unaware and unaccepting of His spoken truth. It can never be said of Him, “But you didn’t tell me how you felt!”

It is difficult to go through life desiring the love and acceptance of someone and not feeling that you have it. Or to know that you had it at one time and now believe it is no longer there. While there are times when that may very well be the case, I am coming to realize how often my perception is my reality. The person may in fact care deeply for me but if I believe the opposite than I will live out of my own belief and I will miss the joy of living in the truth. I am a long way from wholeness in this area, but I am choosing to take the first step in admitting my problem is more my perception than it is the other person.

I marvel that at one time, for years, my perception of God was such that I couldn’t receive all the truths I listed in the earlier part of this devotional. When my view of Him was so skewed, it affected my relationship with Him and response to Him. I was blind and deaf to the things He was saying in His Word. As He has opened my eyes and my ears to the truth about Himself, I am able to believe and receive that truth. It is what is changing me!

God is using that experience to give me hope that the same can be true of human relationships. Just as He revealed to me the harm my false perceptions of Him were doing and the freedom that resulted when I embraced the truth, He is now showing me the harm my perceptions of others is doing and the liberty that will be mine as I embrace the truth about them. Past lessons learned always become precious examples of what is possible in present situations.

Father, it is easy but harmful to walk in deception. Keep showing me where my thinking is off. Help me to live out my days with open eyes and ears to the truth about You, others, and myself. Amen.

A Place to Cry

You will weep no longer. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you. Isaiah 30:19 (New American Standard Bible)

Trials, heartaches, loss, betrayal, disappointment, and rejection are the very things that bring us to tears. Some would rather die than let someone see them cry. This can be for a variety of reasons but I suspect a leading reason is because of how their tears were received when they were younger.

A negative response to one's tears can embed lies in their minds. It did not matter if pain was the factor, deep hurt was the culprit, or any other scenario whereby tears were appropriate. Instead of comfort they received scorn. Instead of being embraced, they were sent away to their room. Instead of compassion, they found cold hearts.

I am not a person who shows emotion easily. When I am hurting or struggling I tend to get quiet and find a way to avoid conversation as well as eye contact. When asked how I am I can easily respond with “fine” and look for ways to change the subject. As God leads individuals into my life I am slowly learning to open up and take the “risk” of sharing. Each time I do, the hindrances seem to lessen, as do my fears that I will become a burden to others or they will walk away when my feelings and thoughts are exposed. This is possible when the heart of Jesus is felt through others. They help me to more clearly see His words that say, “I will never leave you or forsake you.”

There use to be a time (not too long ago) when tears made me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. I felt uneasy letting anyone know I was hurting THAT much. What changed? I learned that tears were beneficial. I learned that people weren't as uncomfortable with my tears as I thought. But above all, I learned my tears touch the heart of God and stir Him to action. When I cry over loss, hurt, or fear, it is His comfort I now seek. I want to feel his embrace and hear His words of comfort whispered in my ear. I have a dear friend who can put her arms around me and speak words of comfort to me in amazing ways. That has become my picture of what my loving, heavenly Father is like as well.

I find assurance that my cries do not fall on deaf ears, a cold heart, closed eyes, or folded arms. During the greatest losses and pains of my life, His shoulder has been the one I could always bury my face in until my tears and energy were both spent. The comfort and compassion He gives goes beyond even that of my dearest friends.

Father, one day You will wipe away all my tears, but until then You will allow me to cry on Your shoulder as You gently wipe my present tears. You know the reason each one falls. Amen.

Contending With the Giants

For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15 (New American Standard Bible)

We are not told what Paul’s actual struggles consisted of but whenever I read Romans 7, I can relate with what he is saying. There are times I want to just throw up my hands and say, “God, I do not understand myself!” Just when I think I have a certain area under control or mastered it rears its ugly head and shows me it is very much alive and well. Tonight I realized and admitted the existence of sleeping giants within me. They seem to sleep soundly until something arouses them and then the battle begins.

For me, the giants consist of feelings of shame, vulnerability, insignificance, and confusion. What awakens them are moments of disappointment, loneliness, unmet needs, and crushed expectations. Seeing them as giants and seeing what awakens them has helped me to finally fight them the same way David fought Goliath……come against them in the strength of the Lord. Use His Word and truth as my weapons. I don’t have to let their presence scare me or throw me off balance anymore.

I know when a tendency in me has died or been transformed by the power of God and I also know when that is far from the case. It use to send me reeling to see that I would have to contend with certain things on an on going basis……..maybe for the rest of my life. The simple truth is that I possess a sin nature, live in a fallen world, and will always have giants to face. David once again becomes my example. He fought Goliath ONCE and it was over, but he spent years running from King Saul. Either way, God gave continual victory.

My hope is renewed by these truths. I am not a basket case nor am I a lost cause. I am simply a child of God who must continue to take the stance of a warrior and face the battles as they come. As long as I stay honest and open with God and use the war tactics and armor He has provided for me I will be triumphant.

Father, there are times I am not sure I am doing things right and then You come along with the wisdom, counsel, and direction I need. I praise You! Amen.

In Weakness and Weariness

He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Isaiah 40:29 (New American Standard Bible)

I have several devotional books that are written as if Jesus is doing the talking. They are part of my spiritual sustenance each morning and never fail to speak works I long to hear. This morning was no exception as I opened the book Jesus Calling and read, My power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need for Me. Faltering steps of dependence are not lack of faith; they are links to my Presence.

It took years for me to understand and embrace Jesus’ invitation when He said, “Come to Me all of you who are weary and heavy laden.” Weariness has the idea of being fatigued or exhausted due to wearisome effort. Jesus is saying, “When you have reached that point, come to Me. When you have exhausted your means, your strength, your initiative, your ability, your stamina, your determination, come to Me. I will give you strength. I will increase your power. I will give you the ability to recover and collect that strength and power.”

What I had to realize is that Jesus is not repulsed by my weakness and weariness. They are the very things that He uses to show me my own need of Him. He is continually inviting me to live my life out of interaction with Him whereby I see my need and bring it to Him. This is not just physical needs. It is ANY need, whether that means physical, spiritual, emotional, mental, or social. What I cannot muster up on my own or receive from another person is what I need to look to Him for. The more I do that the less I will be desiring to find it in myself or others.

Living my Christian life with the attitude that I must present to God a perfected, strong, stable, boundless façade, is a pretense that has disastrous results. Any time I refuse to admit the truth about myself and what is really going on inside of me and refuse to bring all of it to the One who loves me and wants to help me, I am in trouble.

Change has come as I have begun to see God’s loving heart and my needy heart. The biggest issue He has had to walk me through has been in the area of emotional dependency. As painful as it was for me to see myself so raw, so broken, and so needy, it has been a time of knowing God like I have never known Him. Admitting the truth about myself has opened the door to seeing the truth about God. I am in awe!

Father, I am learning to stand before You stripped of all pretense and self-imposed improvements. Your receiving of me as I am is precious and powerful. I love You! Amen.

When Change Did Not Come

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (King James Version)

It’s true! When I accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of 14, many things changed for me. I became a child of God, I became aware of my sin and that each sin was against Him, I began reading the Bible, I desired to be with Christians, I attended church, my ideas and goals changed, and I basically started on a different road. Yet, over the years and even decades, I had to admit that many other things had not changed. I still housed attitudes, addictions, and mindsets that were far from new. They were STILL a part of me. I believe I missed something that many others are also missing.

I often read 2 Corinthians 5:17 and saw my “being in Christ” as merely my salvation experience and wondered why I had yet to see all the old things passing away and all the new things coming my way. It wasn’t a matter of just giving it enough time. It was a matter of there not being deep change beyond behavior modification and grit. Jesus’ words of “My yoke is easy and My burden is light seemed to be far removed from my experience. The changes I needed had to come from God and for some reason they weren’t coming…until recently!

What was the difference? I had to see 2 Corinthians 5:17 along side of John 15:1-11, where Jesus makes the statement, “Abide in Me.” To abide means to remain as one, not depart, be present, be held, to wait for and upon. Basically it has the idea of intimate connection. THAT is not the way I lived most of my Christian life and hence saw little internal change. As I have experienced connecting with God on a daily basis I have begun to see Him change me in some profound areas of my life. I have seen Him break addictions I had to food and people. I have seen Him revolutionize my family life and my marriage. I have seen Him redirect my focus.

I am daily becoming a different person and catching the first glimpses of the abundant life Jesus spoke of in John 15. What I found was that being in Christ for salvation is a one time decision. Being in Christ for a way of life is a daily, moment by moment decision and adventure. It is something I often heard others speak or write of, but failed to possess for myself. That has begun to change and actually started a couple weeks ago when I set a number of things aside for one week and turned my attention and my heart toward a God who continues to draw me to Himself.

Father, I have no doubt that the changes I am seeing are coming from You. I praise You for them and look for more because You are desirous to do more. Amen.