The Searcher of My Heart

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings. Jeremiah 17:9, 10 (New King James Version)

Today’s passage gives the basis behind David’s prayer in Psalm 139:23, 24 where he wrote, “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Because we can so easily be deceived by our own hearts, it is imperative that we ask God to do the searching, testing, evaluating, and exposing of that which motivates and drives us. Even the best of actions and wisest of decisions can fall victim to wrong agendas and faulty reasoning. Depending on the needs and longings of our heart, even the aspects of service and the carrying out of God’s kingdom work can become distorted and off base.

I am acutely aware of my ever present need for approval and acceptance. The best thing about that aspect of my life is that it continually reminds me of how much I need God and how much I need to direct my needs toward Him. The answer is not to stop doing the things I am doing until the right motives are in place. The answer is to continually ask God to purify my motives as they are exposed and brought out in the light.

Something as necessary as simply asking another individual to pray for me can be affected by the deceitfulness of my heart. This morning I am questioning the motives of my own prayer requests. The needs are real but the desire for attention is just as real. It can cloud and color any form of asking for help, whether that help is in the form of prayer, counsel, or even friendship. Like Paul, when he battled his flesh, I am torn between my actions and the motives that drive those actions. Ever questioning. Ever wondering.

This is the point whereby I need to discern between truth and the workings of the enemy. Doubt, shame, hiding, denying, withdrawal, and fear are his calling cards. He would want nothing more than to see me stop everything and hibernate spiritually and emotionally until I deem myself strong enough to continue on. Yet God’s Word encourages me to serve Him and seek the prayer support of others. As long as I am aware that things in me need to be brought to Him for correction I can proceed at fully living the Christian life. Now more than ever I need to be in constant communication with the One who can truly search me.

Father, may faith (not fear) be the deciding factor for all aspects of my life. I desire to know the truth about what lies below the surface of my actions. Yours is the only heart I can truly trust. Amen.

Potter's Hand - Hillsong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSKe-gSXjAs&videos=IIKyyugBipo&playnext_from=TL&playnext=1

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

A Fox Hunt

Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes. Song of Solomon 2:15 (New King James Version)

I am on a “fox” hunt and those “foxes” are the attitudes of my heart. For most of my adult life, I have blamed many of my personal weaknesses and failures on my upbringing. The scenario would go something like this: I had alcoholic parents and their alcoholism left holes in my heart. Unmet emotional needs sent me on a quest to get those needs met through relationships. Looking to people to give me what only God could give me was a means of survival.

Several years ago I came across the term “emotional dependency” and it became my garment of choice. It was the label I could apply to my life and therefore allow it to define and confine me. It seemed to explain my behavior and the choices that drove the behavior. It also filled me with shame and wreaked havoc on numerous relationships.

While the actions of my parents did have an effect on me and emotional dependency is a personal struggle for me, those are not the foxes that I need to become aware of and catch. Change will come for me only as I take personal responsibility rather than find something or someone to blame for my actions and behavior.

Although I know Christ as my Savior and His Spirit lives in me, I still possess a sin nature and fleshly tendencies. Spiraling moods are just one of the outgrowths of that nature. Until recently, when a shift would take place I went down! Now I am learning that there is a different way to live. Instead of giving in to the mood swing I am beginning to pinpoint the thoughts and feelings that are giving momentum to the mood swing. I am learning to ask myself, “What are you feeling right now?” The answer will identify the fox that needs to be caught and stopped. Yesterday’s foxes included jealousy, fear, feelings of insignificance, shame, and wrong perceptions. As I would identify the heart issue I could then focus my prayer on it. I could confess the jealousy and ask God to help me have an attitude of thankfulness and contentment. If it was fear, I could acknowledge that He is always with me. Insignificance could be met with reviewing the truth of who I am in Christ. Shame would retreat at the flood lights of forgiveness and acceptance. Wrong perceptions could be defeated with truth.

What was actually happening was that I was finally seeing the real enemy within myself and calling each attitude out in the open. I use to feel defeated because the attitudes were still in me. Now I taking a victor’s stance against them and that is changing the vineyard of my heart. It is taking prayer, the use of Scripture, and God’s help to see progress in this area. The fight is on!

Father, shed light on each heart attitude that seeks dominance over me today. Help me to acknowledge what is there at all times. Help me to walk in victory. Amen.

Change My Heart, Oh God - Eddie Espinosa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEtsHWFE6-w

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

An Insatiable Hunger

A greedy man stirs up dissension, but he who trusts in the LORD will prosper. Proverbs 28:25 (New International Version)

Does God ever pinpoint an area in your life and when He does you have no trouble knowing what He just pinpointed? It just happened to me while reading a devotional by Mary Southerland entitled “Guarding Greed.” She asked and answered a question that shed light on something for me. It went as such, What happens when we live as if He is not enough and He is not all we want? Greed happens. While most of her devotional centered around material greed, God directed my attention toward that for which I tend to display greed.

Greed is that strong desire to have more of something. To acquire or gain more than is necessary or intended. An inordinate desire to have in excess. It’s twins are jealousy, envy, and covetousness. It is a robber of thankfulness and joy. It imprisons one in a shell of selfishness, pride, and continual hunger. When my goal in life is to fully satisfy my need for more I live frustrated, empty, and in a continual state of want. What God wants me to see is that satisfying the greed is impossible but conquering it is not!

As I read Mary’s question, my area of greed quickly came to mind. Relationships. God uses them but greed desires more from them then what is needed or intended. Greed wants more of what is there and when more is given more is desired. I see this played out when it comes to another person’s time, attention, acceptance, and affirmation. One dose is not enough. As soon as I take in what is offered I crave more! I have known this about myself for quite some time but have never seen as an aspect of greed.

Today’s verse sums it up very well. My greed brings about conflict and disruption yet when I place my expectations, hopes, desires, and trust in God He prospers me in more ways than any human relationship is able to do. The bottom line is that what I am craving from people is actually what I need from Him. People are His representatives but I so easily attempt to make them His replacement. His desire is that I would turn my attention and appetite toward Him and I do that one step at a time.

My steps? Acknowledge the truth about my greed. Confess it to Him and receive the forgiveness He offers. Understand that while I may not be entirely free of this tendency in this life, I can certainly walk in victory over it. Through Christ I can control how it affects me. Depend upon Him to show me each time greed stirs within me and how NOT to feed it but rather turn the desires toward Him. Lastly, realize that greed is okay when what I am greedy for is more of Him!

Father, within this heart of mine lies a voracious appetite that seeks to be fed off sources other than You. Help me to walk in victory with a satisfaction found only in You. Amen.

He's Been Faithful - Damaris Carbaugh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdO2cRXVHII

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

The Possibility of Forgetting

Joseph named the firstborn Manasseh, "For," he said, "God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father's household." He named the second Ephraim, "For," he said, "God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction." Genesis 41:51, 52 (New American Standard Bible)

The naming of Joseph’s son gave voice to the truths he had come to embrace. I don’t know how long he harbored painful memories of loss and betrayal. I don’t know how often thoughts of his father and the ache of missing him consumed him. I don’t know how frequently his brothers’ actions and attitudes against him reopened wounds of sorrow, anger, and frustration. Yet at some point, Joseph came to the realization that those things no longer hung over his life, clouded his days, or colored his perspective. By the time his sons were born he had truly moved on with his life. No longer dwelling on the past but rather enjoying the beauty of the present. Joseph’s story refreshes my spirit. It reminds me that emotional healing takes time but is possible. It redirects my thinking toward what God is doing. It assures me that God can do the same in me that He did in Joseph.

Although I am not fully there yet, I rejoice in what progress has been made. The enemy of my soul knows this as well and doesn’t give up easily. As recent as yesterday thoughts came that had but one purpose…..to discourage me. My mind began thinking back on painful memories and profound losses. Each minute spent dwelling on those things caused the dull ache inside to grow. When I would fight the thoughts with truth, thanksgiving, and praise their effect and hold lessened. When I gave in to them and fed off them the darkness resurfaced. It doesn’t take long for me to realize when the thinking is once again off track, because it is accompanied by grief, heartache, condemnation, and hopelessness. At the same time, thinking on what is right and truthful is accompanied by peace, restfulness, and strength. It is as profound as switching on the lights in a darkened room.

I don’t know how close I am to being able to say, “God, you have made me to forget my trouble and you have made me fruitful in the place of my affliction,” but it no longer seems like an impossibility. It is no longer a question of “if” God will deliver me from rampant emotions, but rather “when.”

I take that thought with me into a weekend that includes attending a women’s conference in Crown Point, Indiana. God has been preparing me to hear something I have not been able to hear up to this point. I am not sure what it is yet but I am filled with anticipation and expectation.

Father, I sense Your continued work in my life and in that I rejoice! Amen.

Desert Song - Hillsong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrJuFmuAGo4

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Continuing in Freedom

Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, “Cursed is the man who does not heed the words of this covenant which I commanded your forefathers in the day that I brought them out of the land of Egypt, from the iron furnace, saying, ‘Listen to My voice, and do according to all which I command you, so you shall be My people, and I will be your God.’ Jeremiah 11:3,4 (New American Standard Bible)

When God brought the children of Israel out of the ‘iron furnace’ of Egypt it was not the end of their story….it was merely the beginning. He brought them out of bondage to teach them how to live in freedom. True freedom comes through obedience and connection with God, not living independent of Him. Seeing their own captivity and being freed from it was wonderful but if they did not continue to listen to God and do what He said they would enter a worse bondage… a self imposed bondage. They would become captives of their own passions, sin natures, and ungodly bents. To read the history of Israel is often like looking into a prophet mirror at ourselves.

Like Israel, my freedom comes in stages. I must be aware of where I am in bondage. What are the mindsets that prevent me from living in complete freedom? What are the addictions, habits, and beliefs that keep my soul locked up? As I identify them, I desire freedom. But desire alone is not what sets me free. My journey to freedom begins and continues as I learn to listen to God and embrace what He tells me. I must acknowledge the truth and live out of that truth.

As I allow Him, God shows me the causes and effects of my personal areas of bondage. I am daily seeing the connection between present circumstances and past events. Because my view of life and God was skewed early on, it affects the way I interpret things today. For me, the biggest area this has impacted is with relationships. I have spent decades looking at relationships through a faulty grid and the result has often been painful. What I desire from others and what I am able to give to others is distorted unless I allow God to bring things into right focus. It becomes a time of exchanges. Exchanging truth for lies and freedom for bondage. The renewing of my mind through Scripture is leading to transformation of my heart and resulting in a change of my words, actions, and thoughts. The freedom I am seeking is only found in cooperation with and trust in my Abba Father.

Sometimes this process is accompanied by individuals God brings into my life but often it is taking place one on one with Himself. He wisely determines which it will be. I profit the most when I trust what He is doing, heed what He says, embrace what He reveals, and obey what He requires. It all comes from His heart of love and in that I rest!

Father, I desire liberty of my heart, soul, and mind. Continue to show me my own captivities and what will lead me to freedom. Amen.

Made Me Glad - Hillsong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0Zc_VWJJoI&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

What to do With the Toxic Thoughts

Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2 (New American Standard Bible)

My mother would often say, “You can only think of one thing at a time.” She was right! God’s Word is filled with verses that speak of the importance of meditating on the right things. Today’s verse is one such example. It not only has the idea of focus but also of coming into agreement with. Since a multitude of thoughts play out in my mind daily, it is imperative that I keep them aligned with God and His eternal perspective. There is more to life than merely those things I can experience with my five senses. In the midst of anything I see, feel, or experience, there is a heavenly realm that must be taken into consideration. I must learn to see the whole picture instead of just my limited point of view.

Last night afforded me an opportunity to practice setting my mind on things above. It came in the form of disappointment that someone was given the opportunity to do something I am longing to do but am not able to do at present. I found myself battling thoughts of jealousy as well as feelings of being over looked AGAIN! Fear abounded that God might never open the door for me to serve in THAT capacity. They were self-consuming, self- centered, self-condemning thoughts and they were toxic for all of 10 minutes. That is when I made a conscious decision to review truth and allow it to set me free.

What was the truth I reviewed? God is in control of my life. He has plans for me that He will fulfill. I can trust Him to use me in the ways He chooses at the times He chooses and for the purposes He chooses. He knows what He is doing in each ministry opportunity. I have not been over looked but rather His eyes and attention are constantly on me. My freedom comes in acknowledging God’s right to say where I am to be, what I am to be doing, and how I am to be doing it. He sets the agenda. He maps out the course. He guides and directs. His plans and thoughts are higher than my own.

Do I still have desires and wishes? Absolutely! But they are being laid at the foot of the cross with a heart of submission to and acceptance of what God wants for me. I don’t want to live my life honed in on what I cannot do but rather on all that He allows me TO do. He may still choose to have me serve Him in the place I desire to serve, but it will have to be on His time table. If it never comes about then it was not part of His best for me. I am not being neglected or ignored. I am being loved, cherished, and led by the Lover of my soul!

Father, You know my heart’s desires. As I set my affections on things above, change what needs to be changed, solidify what needs to be solidified, and accomplish Your will for me. Amen.

God Is In Control - Twila Paris
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQHlKc8DrB4&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Asking for Prayer

I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me. Romans 15:30 (New International Version)

Paul had no trouble requesting others to pray for him. It wasn’t that he felt his prayers were not good enough or effective enough but he knew the power of multiple prayers being lifted on his behalf. As he faced prison, persecution, personal failures, and fears he was strengthened by the prayers of others and in turn prayed for others for the things they faced as well.

Prayer support is one of the many privileges and benefits of being in God’s family. It is usually one of the first responses we voice when someone has shared with us a difficulty in their life. When the storms of life hit, prayer is our life line that keeps our head above water with its hope, security, and comfort. The older I get, the more I value the prayers of others and no longer take them lightly.

I know this to be true and yet how well am I doing at requesting prayer during emotionally difficult times? Or times when I am facing personal temptations that I don’t even want to admit I are a struggle for me? Last week, I went through a dark season. People could see it and they indeed were praying for me, yet I was not doing well at actually sharing the struggle with them or the specifics of what I needed the prayers for. I was resistant to admit what had brought on the spiral and the thoughts that kept pulling me downward. Why? Embarrassment and shame….two effective tools the enemy of my soul is very good at using. Looking back now I realize if I had opened up to those I could trust, they would have been able to be more specific in their prayers and the darkness would have ended sooner. As hard as it would have been, as uncomfortable as it would have felt, admitting the truth would have been my first step for freedom and strength.

God used a situation last night to help me see the need to request specific prayer at the on set of struggles. I could sense a temptation coming on that I knew would pull me down if I gave in to it. Before the temptation gained strength or momentum, I called a friend, shared the specifics, and we prayed immediately. The result? This morning the temptation no longer looms over my horizon. So I am asking myself, will the next emotional battle be fought more effectively if I follow the same strategy? Will I see deliverance and victory more powerfully demonstrated as I confide in those whom I know care and will pray? I believe I will and I am asking God to give me the grace, wisdom, and fortitude to so!

Father, break down the resistance in me for sharing honestly and openly with the prayer partners in my life. Help me to set aside the fears, apprehensions, and perceptions that often stop me from voicing my prayer needs to others. Help me to get real! Amen.

I Will Pray for You - Katherine Jenkins
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ju8cy0O4S8U&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.