Breaking the Cycle

Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on. 1 Samuel 18:9 (New American Standard Bible)

A victory celebration evoked a negative and dangerous emotional response in Saul when the women of Israel credited David with an accomplishment that outshined Saul himself. His resentment, bitterness, and suspicion was directed toward David (not the women) even though David was unaware of the feelings against him and had done no wrong himself.

I relate with Saul all too well. Many have been the times I have harbored thoughts and feelings against others when they themselves did nothing wrong and when they weren’t even aware there was a problem on my end. Disappointment or unmet expectations can often be the trigger for such feelings and then the battle is on! Eventually David could tell that Saul was hateful and hurtful toward him but he didn’t know why. The people in my life may sense something has gone awry but not only do they not know what it is they don’t even know I’m holding something against them. It is a vicious cycle that has repeated itself more often than I care to admit. When it is all said and done the sense of shame and regret is added to the mix and the mess I bring to God is astounding.

In the wee hours of this night, God is helping me to see how much I am holding on to which is causing me to eye people with suspicion (just as Saul did with David). There is no joy in relationships when I have a list of things I have taken personally and held on to with a death grip of great proportion. The answer to how I release the grip comes in stages.

First, I see that the problem lies in me NOT in the people I harbor the feelings against. It boils down to my own insecurities and high expectations of others. Second, I admit to God that I have been keeping track and a hold of the perceptions, emotions, and feelings. It has been my choice by my own will. Third, I ask for and received His forgiveness for believing the lies and acting out of those lies.

I will experience freedom and victory in this area as I take these steps each time disappointment or perceptions begin to pull me into a wrong mindset. It is a matter of my choosing to acknowledge and release that which seeks to control me. Does it work? Yes! Will it continue to work? Absolutely….as I choose to do it!

Father, the joy of this truth keeps me from cringing at my past track record. Amen.

May I Be His Love - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B6ieQL_Q-k

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

What He Will Never Say to Me

The virgin of Israel has fallen; she will rise no more. She lies forsaken on her land; there is no one to raise her up. Amos 5:2 (New King James Version)

The words stood out to me as read this verse. As important as it is to see what God says about me and to me in Scripture, it is just as important to see what He does not and never will say about me or to me. I have had my times of falling and will have more times in this life, but He will never say to me that I will not rise again, am forsaken, or have no one to raise me up. I rejoice in that truth.

I know the feeling or perception of rejection and I know the sting of loneliness but none of it comes from God. He is my present help in time of trouble. He is my rock and defense. He will never leave me or forsake me. He knew me and called me by name before I was even conceived. When I fall, He lifts me up. When others walk away, He is ever present. When the disappointments of life hit, He is my shelter and watch guard.

How often I need the reminders as it is all too easy to crawl into holes of dangerous mindsets and futile thinking. It is easy to take my eyes off my one true Hope and Security…..Jesus Christ.

I do not write these devotionals to try and convince people (or myself) that I have it all together. Instead, I write them with the full acknowledgement and awareness that I have a long way to go as do the ones who read them. I find it possible to acknowledge that ONLY because I know that God will never leave me in my brokenness, failures, and sin. He has not lost one ounce of love for me or stepped back by even a fraction of an inch. I have not exasperated Him or drained Him of His mercy. My relationship with individuals has suffered at times, but not my relationship with Him. I am secure, not because of me but because of Him.

As I read through the Old Testament and I take in God’s words to Israel that sound harsh at times, I rest in this age of grace. I don’t take it lightly and I don’t abuse it because it is free. I embrace it. The God who created me and loves me stands watch over me and cares for me.

Father, thank you for what You say and don’t say to me. Amen.

What Faith Can Do
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTNBWv33-QI

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Personalizing Scripture

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 (New King James Version)

It is one thing to read today’s verse with the all inclusive word “we” but it is an eye-opener and heart-mover to read it with the personal word “I”. To say out loud that I am His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that I should walk in them forces me to admit when and where I am not walking as such.

As I read the whole second chapter of Ephesians this way I was so aware of times when I still walk according to my flesh and mind rather than as a redeemed, blood bought daughter of God. My response and actions that come when I have been hurt and disappointed (or perceived I have been) still resembles that of one who does not know God. It is not so much that after nearly 38 years of being a Christian I still contend with pride, selfishness, and me-ism, it is that I give in to it so easily. When tempted in areas that affect my ego I still fold. That is the glaring truth for me this morning.

The second chapter of Ephesians is all about what I once was and who I am now. I want the who am now to be different. I want my choices and mindsets to be different. I want my view of people and my relationship with them to be different. With that said, I know the difference will require change on my part. It will require submission to God as He nudges and empowers me to do things differently than I have been doing them. Even though my methods have not worked, I am comfortable with them but uncomfortable with the results they keep yielding. That discomfort is what God is using to bring about in me a desire for change.

If left on my own, I will never see the transformation for which I long. But I am not left on my own. I am indwelt by the very Spirit of Christ and His Word lives in me. Victory and change ARE possible because of those two factors. The key will be relinquishing my will in exchange for God’s will. That is something He will not do for me but I have no doubt He will guide me in the process.

I will admit it scares me to think of living my life differently than I have been living it. To change the way I think, act, and respond in painful moments is over whelming at times. But I know the change will be worth it and when it comes I will marvel that I fought the process for as long as I have.

Father, You have been watching me re-enact one painful choice after another and all the while have longed for me to walk in Your ways. Give me the grace to change. Amen.

A Different Road - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-P2awWTLmGU

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Receiving Help

But Moses' hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other. Thus his hands were steady until the sun set. Exodus 17:12 (New American Standard Bible)

I can often read a portion of Scripture and pull out the applications that best suit me at the time. Many have been the times I have read this account of Moses being aided by Aaron and Hur only to have my mind drawn toward the individuals God has used in my life to help at pivotal times. Individuals who came along side me with encouraging words and a willingness to hold me up spiritually and emotionally. Times when I felt weak and heavy hearted. They were godsends and ones of whom I have been grateful.

While that is all true, I have often missed a profound aspect of this biblical account of help. Later in the chapter, after Israel has the victory over Amalek, Moses does and says something that stands out to me. He built an altar and named it THE LORD IS MY BANNER. He came away from the experience not focused on the human help he had received but rather on the Lord as his helper. Did he need help from people? Yes! Did he accept the help from people? Absolutely! But when it was all said and done, the ones who helped were not the ones He centered his life around, grew dependent upon, or accredited the accomplishments to. God had sent the help (through people) but did not become replaced by those people.

I marvel at the balance. I long for it in my own life. I have people in my life who know my struggles and are willing to help me get on my “feet” again. For the past few days I have feared receiving the help because I know how easily such help can become a source to me that is addictive. Yet, this morning, Moses’ example is helping me to see that accepting help is not the problem. The problem lies in my own tendency to forget that God is my ultimate Help and Helper. Individuals are used of Him for a time. Their help is needed but it is temporary and meant only to help bring me to a place of moving forward once again.

Moses’ arms were held up when the battle raged but even then he knew God was doing the real holding and helping. May I learn to accept what is being offered to me by God and the helpers He sends. May I not see it as a permanent situation but rather as a present and temporary need.

Father, I raise my hands to You as I receive the support of the ones coming along side me at this time. I look to You as I receive their help. Amen.

You Are My All In All - Dennis Jernigan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9Up58OEtps

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

When It is Time to Let Go

But Pharaoh hardened his heart this time also, and he did not let the people go. Exodus 8:32 (New American Standard Bible)

Pharaoh’s refusal to let the children of Israel go was driven by a heart of refusal in regards to God and His ways. Time and time again we come across the phrase found in today’s verse. Each time, it results in further judgment via plagues. Even when Pharaoh claims to be ready to release the people, there is no intent for him to actually do so. What he is holding on to is the very thing that brings God’s hand against him. Each time his stubbornness is exposed, God’s power and control are revealed. It actually brings about the ruin of his land, his army, his people, and his kingdom as he knew it. Just when he thought he was having his way, he wasn’t. It wasn’t worth it for Pharaoh to hold on to that which God was telling him to let go of and it is never worth it for us.

If each of us is honest, we will admit to times when God has told us to “let go!” It may have come through His Word as we read it. It may have come through His Spirit speaking to us in the quiet moments. It may have come through watching another individual live with the consequences of holding on instead of letting go. It may even have been through a ‘Moses’ in our own life who has spoken clearly of what we need to release. Whatever the case may be, we know that we know what we need to let go of. Be it a habit, a way of thinking, or a way of living, we are on dangerous ground when a stubborn heart rules us rather than a submissive spirit. When we tighten rather than loosen our grip.

Pharaoh is a reminder to me that even when we think we are calling the shots and getting our way, we are not. God is sovereign and He is in control. Ultimately He always gets the last word. While this frustrated Pharaoh, it should be reassuring to us. How different the scenario would have been had Pharaoh not had a hardened heart. Had he obeyed God’s command to let His people go. But he didn’t.

I don’t want to be like Pharaoh and I don’t want my life story to play out like his. I am at a place of decision in my life. That which I am holding on to is causing me difficulty, discomfort, and distress. It is a mindset that has a hold on me because I have a hold of it. If I release it there will be change for the good. If I hold on to it, there will be consequences that will be painful. I am looking to God to show me how to let go, how to release, and how to walk in the freedom that He desires for me.

Father, give to me a heart of flesh that pulsates with obedience and love for you. That which You have put Your finger on is presently still in my hands and mind. Give me the grace to finally let go. Amen.

Power of Your Love - Hillsong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ga6Qtxzd6vk&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Seeing What God Intended

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. Genesis 50:20 (New American Standard Bible)

Joseph’s ability to forgive lay in his acceptance and belief of God’s sovereignty. While what his brothers did to him was wrong, God’s purposes were right. Joseph had no trouble acknowledging the truth of his brother’s actions but it was done with the backdrop of God’s actions. He was one who experienced the words of Jeremiah 29:11 even before they were written. “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.” Somewhere in the course of 13 years of separation from his family and enslavement and imprisonment in Egypt, Joseph learned that God’s plans and purposes outshine and outweigh those of others. Their actions fade in comparison to His own.

I have tried to think of a time in my life when someone actually meant evil against me. Someone who intended to do me harm for their own pleasure and satisfaction. Nothing is really coming to mind. But that is not to say that the actions of others have not caused me discomfort, pain, sorrow, and anguish. Some have even left me with the thought that I would never recover from the heartache. Yet, it was the realization of God’s involvement in my life that brought about the comfort and healing that I needed. The God who promised to work all things out for good, Who stated that His thoughts and plans were higher than my own, and the One who spoke of my welfare, peace, and a hopeful end, is the One who writes the true version of my life story.

Joseph could have taken a victim mentality and harbored much bitterness but he didn’t. I, too, can think of myself as a victim and hold on to bitterness, but I know I had better not. In essence, if I did, I would be living a lie because that is not God’s view. That which happens to me is for my good (always) and that which takes place in my life is the material God uses to bring about good (always). If for no other reason than to get my attention and focus back on Him, He is loving enough to allow things to happen.

I rest in the fact that the only hands I am in are God’s hands. He has laid claim to my life and promises to shield, shepherd, and sustain me. No circumstance takes place that has not already passed through Him. He sees it all and He uses it all. May I continue to learn to proclaim, “But God meant it for good” over every situation of every day.

Father, Your ways are past figuring out. You know the beginning from the ending and I trust You to bring about Your end to my story. Thank you that what has hurt me the most is within the realm of Your good intentions for me. Amen.

Rest In Me - Todd Vaters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s4z_HQpL-I&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

With All That I Have

So ISRAEL made his journey with all that he had and came to Beersheba [a place hallowed by sacred memories] and offered sacrifices to the God of his father Isaac. Genesis 46:1 (Amplified Bible)

Israel (Jacob) made his journey with all that he had. Not just his family, but also his possessions, his experiences, his memories, his character, his calling, his relationship with God, and his internal world. The baggage he carried contained both positive and negative items and aspects. It carried 130 years of living that was filled with success as well as failure. Excitement as well as disappointment. Gain as well as loss.

We are no different. Each day, each journey, each step we take we take with all that we have and hold on to. Some of it is worth keeping and some of it needs to be discarded once and for all. Some will act as sinkers in the sea of life and some will act as life preservers. Some will slow down our progress and some will enhance it.

There are times when I need to have a Beersheba moment and offer some sacrifices to God. I am to be a living sacrifice and yet at the same time I need to make some sacrifices and put some things to death. I need to allow some mindsets to die. I need to determine to let some desires die. I need to recognize and destroy some idols of the heart. I need to let go of anything that is not of God or for my good.

I also need to hold tighter to the gems of wisdom I have come to possess. I need to embrace the friendships that God has graciously given to me at this time in my life. I need to take stock of my strengths and weaknesses which are both usable by the Lord of my life. I need to treasure His Word that has found a home in my heart. I need to take the tools for living that I have learned and make them a part of my decision making process.

What my journey looks like and how far I get on that journey today will be dependent upon what I continue to take with me. Hopefully, today I will add some things and discard some things. With God’s help I will do it well.

Father, I look to You for wisdom and discernment on this journey You have called me to and equipped me for. Let me see the direction You would have me go and help me to follow You with abandon. Amen.

Be Still - Derri Daugherty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4UCMt_5mGM

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.