A Change of Heart

And Jacob noticed that Laban’s attitude toward him was not what it had been. Genesis 31:2 (NIV)

Have you ever had a “Laban experience” in your life? It is hard when you realize someone you once felt close to no longer looks at you in the same way. Where once you enjoyed friendship and favor you now feel left out and unwelcome. Conversations are strained and warmth is no longer felt when you are together. Jacob knew that feeling with Laban and David knew that feeling with King Saul. God is helping me to come to some understanding as to what brings about such changes.

I can think back to various relationships that turned sour. Some of the changes were due to my own actions. Through something I did or said the relationship dissolved. Sometimes I was aware of what I did and sometimes I wasn’t. But when it was all said and done, the person chose to step out of my life and we just went our separate ways.

For the longest time, I thought anytime a relationship fell apart I must have done something to cause it. If it was a highly significant person in my life the loss would be quite painful. Not only would I spend time grieving the loss of their friendship but I would continually kick myself for having blown it plus torture myself trying to figure out how I had blown it. I don’t have to tell you the enemy of my soul took great delight in my misery. It never occurred to me that the problem might not be me after all….at least not in every case.

Recently, God was gracious enough to enlighten me on a truth I was missing. Sometimes the relationship falls apart because of something that is going on in the life of the other person. It could be a character flaw, a personal change, or a withdrawal that they have initiated for their own personal reasons. Laban’s and Saul’s change of attitude came out of jealousy. Whatever the reason, this can be the most painful way to see a relationship change.

If I was the one who damaged the friendship I must be willing to do what I can to make things right. But if the other person has just had a change of heart toward me, I will need to trust God to redeem what needs to be redeemed. In the mean time I must begin looking to God for the acceptance and approval I have been craving from them.

Father, thank you for having an unchanging heart toward me. Amen.