Friendship 101

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 (King James Version)

There are times when I miss seeing the promise in a verse. I do not know how many times I have read today’s verse and walked away only seeing the conditional aspect of to have friends I must be friendly. Yet, this morning the promise calls out to me….. You WILL have friends if you show yourself friendly!!!!!! It is not saying that EVERY person I am friendly toward will in turn be my friend. But I will have friends if I live my life as a friendly person.

The question now is, “What is a friendly person?” I first must look to Scripture to begin answering that question. Proverbs 17:17 says a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Those two phrases are a wonderful starting place. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is a “how to” book on love. Therefore, if I am patient and kind and seeing the good in others, I WILL have friends. If I am not rude and self seeking, I WILL have friends. If I believe the best about others and am there for them in times of trouble, I WILL have friends. In myself these things do not always come naturally, but I am not on my own to muster them up. I have the Spirit of God living and working in me and therefore I have His fruit….the first being love! Here’s the exciting part! With time and nurturing, fruit grows!!!!! What is in me will grow as I cultivate and develop it.

The Bible is filled with example after example of love in action with the climax being laying ones life down for another. Bible characters show me self sacrifice, serving, coming along side, comforting, and giving, to name a few. As I read God’s Word, I can ask Him to help me take notice of the signs of friendship being displayed.

Then there are the real live examples that I see before me on a daily basis. I can watch and learn from them. Their smiles, kind words, hugs, listening ear, and warmth are tutors to me. Again, the Spirit of God is in me to help me do any of these things in times when I feel least like doing them.

I needed the truth of these thoughts this morning because although I have friends who are dear to me, I have insecurities that can block me from fully enjoying them or can get in the way of me being enjoyable to be around. I went to sleep last night asking God to show me how to begin changing so that the emotional battles no longer have such a hold on me. I woke this morning with the first of His words to me. BE FRIENDLY.

Father, I can tell when it is You doing the talking because You tell me what I would never come up with on my own. I take delight in the lesson You have given me this morning. I take Your hand as I now live it! Amen.

Good and Faithful Friend - Andi Rozier
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=py6FrhH-TGI&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

The Nathans in My Life

Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!……..You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 2 Samuel 12:7,9 (New International Version)

Nathan was used of God to pinpoint an area of sin in David’s life. God revealed it to him and he was faithful to deliver the message. I don’t believe this conversation was comfortable for either man but it was necessary. It led to forgiveness and change.

Throughout Scripture there are many accounts of people being God’s spokesman or spokeswoman to others. Good followed when words were delivered out of obedience and received as truth. Sure there were times God sent angels, but more often than not God sent people to people. He did it in Bible times and He does it in our day and age.

This past weekend was one such time for me. Two separate conversations. Two separate women as God’s mouthpiece to me. One message with several points. God had been preparing my heart so that when the time came I would be willing to listen and heed the words. I was not looking for a comfortable conversation. I was looking for answers that would lead to freedom. I was looking for the truth. There is no question in my mind that I needed to see the underlying issues of my personal problems. I share them with you now because I treasure them as gifts.

God’s message to me through two dear friends:

Choose to be Christ focused instead of self focused.

Learn to love God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Start believing that God is who He says He is and can do what He says He can do.

Every last emotional battle I fight is a sign of self focus at its worst. The only way to conquer that is to focus on Christ and to love God fully. Both require His help and both He is willing to help me do. I am taking the first steps in believing that God really can deliver me from my damaging mindsets and change me completely. Not only CAN He do it, He WILL do it! No doubt about it!!!

Father, thank you for those who love You enough to speak the truth in love to me. I heed Your words through them and I thank You for the change You will bring about. Amen.

For Good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzrGFQysfYU

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

When the Ending Has Not Been Written Yet

Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry. 2 Timothy 4:11 (New International Version)

If one is not familiar with Scripture, they might read this verse and miss the dynamics of what Paul is saying. He is requesting Mark to be brought to him and he is referring to him as being helpful to him. Paul and Mark’s history is what makes this so amazing!

Mark (John Mark) had accompanied Paul on a missionary journey but had deserted him part way through. Later on when Barnabas wanted John Mark to join them for another missionary journey, Paul refused to allow that to happen. The contention was so sharp between them that they actually parted company. Respect was gone. Trust was gone. Friendship and fellowship were gone. Today’s verse tells us the end of the story but much had to transpire before that end could be written.

John Mark had some maturing and growing to do. Paul had some forgiveness and second chances to extend. It all took time and God graciously worked in both their hearts and lives. He reunited them in ministry and heart.

This account came to mind as I once again found myself thinking back to a severed relationship. I am not at the end of the story yet. I don’t see what the outcome looks like. I have no guarantee reconciliation of any kind will transpire in this life. While Paul and John Mark were brought back together we are not told of a reconciliation between Barnabas and Paul. My story could have either ending. Hope mingles with heartache and uncertainty.

What do I do in the meantime while I am waiting to see the outcome? Trust God to work in both our hearts and lives. Keep focused on what He has me doing at the present. Allow Him to change and mature me in my faith. Keep exchanging the sadness for gratitude for all God did through this person. Acknowledge the truth that my life’s story is bigger than the chapter that entailed the relationship I now miss. Believe that if reconciliation takes place in this life God will fully prepare us for it. Above all, know that after this life there will be an eternity of renewed friendships!

Father, You have comforted me today with Your Word and Your presence. I have learned once again to bring hurt and disappointment to You. I renew my commitment to trust You with the end of my story….fragile heart and all. Amen.

For Good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzrGFQysfYU

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Back to the Basics

With Him are wisdom and strength, He has counsel and understanding. Job 12:13 (New King James Version)

Job had it right when he penned these words! I, too often, have slipped other names into this verse and believed in my heart it was okay to view individuals as storehouses of wisdom, strength, counsel and understanding. I ran to them with questions, tuned my ears to any words they spoke, looked to them for all the answers, and pretty much made them my counterfeit messiah. Even when I began to see that it was God who I needed to look to, I still had hopes that significant individuals would come across my path and “fix” anything in me that was messed up, broken, or hurting. While I knew God is a Spirit and we must worship Him in spirit and in truth, I still had a need to connect with others.

People have often told me that we need each other and that is true! God has called us to encourage one another. He uses people in many ways to minister to us and teach us valuable truths. We are not meant to live completely isolated or independent of others. As Job said in Job 13:1, “My eye has seen all this. My ear has heard and understood it. What you know I also know.”

Once again, the problem is not knowing these things, the problem is finding the right balance between seeking God and looking to people. Just when I think I have managed to find that balance the scales of my soul begin to quiver once again. It is an ever present struggle. One in which both God and I are acutely aware. We also know my tendency to go from one extreme to the other. That is to jump into relationships or go it alone! It is the “all or nothing” mental trap.

This morning I once again lay it all aside and realign myself with the basic truth that God is my primary Source for wisdom, strength, counsel, and understanding. With that as my foundational truth, I look to Him and admit I don’t know how to view the relationships in my life. Right now, in the quietness of my home and heart there are a myriad of questions, concerns, and apprehensions running through my mind. I don’t have the answers but I know the One who does. I turn to Him.

Father, I have gotten it wrong so often and You have never failed to welcome me back to You. Help me to find the balance between You and those You lovingly bring into my life. I admit my need of You. Amen.

I Need Thee Every Hour - Selah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2ULhi1szjk

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Asking For and Receiving Help

So Judah said to Simeon his brother, “Come up with me to my allotted territory, that we may fight against the Canaanites; and I will likewise go with you to your allotted territory.” And Simeon went with him. Judges 1:3 (New King James Version)

After the death of Joshua the children of Israel still had land to conquer. Each tribe knew which area was portioned to them and it was up to them to drive out the inhabitants and occupy their territory. The tribe of Judah was wise to ask for help from the tribe of Simeon. Each would help the other in their particular battles. How like them we as believers need to be!

The Christian life is not meant to be lived with a lone ranger mentality. Let’s face it, there are times when situations, circumstances, trials, and problems necessitate the need for help from others. In the course of my Christian life, God has faithfully brought individuals into my life to help in significant ways. Many were the times I had no trouble acknowledging my need or accepting help. Looking to people for wisdom, counsel, and direction was like second nature to me.

Yet, there was a day when I found myself attempting to survive a difficult time “on my own!” When a substantial relationship fell apart and waves of emotions seemed intent on doing me in, I spent six months floundering in the darkest world I had ever experienced. Due to shame and fear I struggled to do what use to come so easily…ask for help. I wasn’t sure anyone could or would help. I thought I could somehow manage on my own. I was wrong! My journey out of darkness began the day a friend offered to come along side and help. That help came in the form of prayer, listening, counseling, and a two year long accountability partnership. She was every bit a “Simeon” to this “Judah.” Although there are times an ache will jab me about my former relationship, the darkness has passed and I am daily moving forward into the life God intends for me to live.

So is help still necessary? Absolutely! As I am confronted with new issues and obstacles I am more aware than ever of the need for help. I continue to ask questions, request prayer, and sit under wise counsel. As I have been helped, it is now my desire to help others as well. I can think of no better way to show that the help given to me in my time of need was not given in vain.

Father, when I needed it most help came. Use me in someone’s life as one was used in mine. Amen.

Count On Me - Whitney Houston & CeCe Winans
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zMbhfQwfyY&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

The Way of Love

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Proverbs 3:3 (New International Version)

There are times when I want to pull away from everyone I know. My mind makes a decision to not answer phone calls, emails, or letters. It is called shutting my heart down, resisting the urge to need anyone, and safe guarding myself from disappointment, dissatisfaction, discouragement, and depravation. But God is letting me know that is not the way He would have me live. That is living out of my flesh instead of out of my spirit. It will grieve Him and do no one any good whatsoever.

God’s Word tells me to love others. I must allow His command to be more than words on a page and a sound in my ear. On a practical level, loving one another means I keep myself open to fully receive others as God brings them across my path. I welcome their conversations and listen to what their needs are. I ask God to show me ways to minister to them and allow His Spirit to infuse me with the love, desire, and ability to do so.

It also means setting aside the thoughts of who I would like to be involved with and watching for how God intersects my world with the ones of His own choosing. It becomes a time of anticipation rather than frustration. It also becomes a way of life whereby I receive abundance from Him and become a conduit of encouragement to others as I give to them what He has graciously given to me.

Will He encourage me through others? Absolutely! Will He allow others to be His conduit of grace to me? Most definitely! But He will choose the person and the timing. His desire is that I learn to rest in His hands and in His ways. Not squirming! Not sulking! Not closed off! But rather open to all that He intends this day to bring forth through me and to me.

Above each activity and each moment I need to display the words, “His ways are higher than my ways. His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. His plans are good. His love is enough. He is God!” Learning to live in trust and cooperation with Him and sensing His presence and His smile throughout my day is what will make today unique, powerful, and precious. May I go forth with praise on my lips, joy in my heart, and arms open wide to give and receive.

Father, thank you for the way that only You can redirect my thoughts and actions. I bow to the wonder of You. Amen.

Worship Song - Maranatha Singers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMpbm2p-1mo

Fixing my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith!

When the Brook Dries Up

It happened after a while that the brook dried up, because there was no rain in the land. Then the word of the LORD came to him. 1 Kings 17:7 (New American Standard Bible)

If we misunderstand the purpose and tentative nature of our God-given places of spiritual refreshment and sustenance we can be in for a time of great confusion and discouragement. One of the biggest and yet most difficult lessons for me to learn in my Christian life has been the temporary nature of the very things God provides me with for a time. The first time the brook of relationship dried up for me it sent me reeling. It shook the false foundation of security I was standing on and I was sent back to the very basics of my faith.

It was a time when the temptation ran strong to never again open my heart to a meaningful, significant relationship. The option that played in my mind was to distance myself from ever again experiencing the pain of loss. I feared I could not trust myself to not repeat the same mistakes if I were to cross paths with another caring and nurturing person. I bought into the lie of the enemy that there would never be change and never be freedom for me in this area. God knew better and now I do as well. It has taken nearly two years but I am finally living out of the truth of God’s intentions.

First, I had to see God’s purposeful gift of friendships to me. There are things He wants to teach and show me through other believers. I cannot read Scripture and not see the power of relationship that God means for each of His children. Every significant person that God has ever crossed my path with has left a profound mark on my life and I would not be the person I am today were it not for God’s use of them in my life.

Second, I had to see that although God was using them in mighty ways the focus still had to be on Him. He was the One pouring the very things through them that I needed. While they were the vessels, He was the Source. Their words of encouragement and life were coming from Him.

Third, I had to come to a peaceful resolve that none of them were meant to be a permanent part of my life….at least not in such a hands on and personal way. Once the purpose for their involvement was fulfilled there would be a shift of access and activity. They would no longer be the ones I took questions to or from whom I sought advice. It wasn’t rejection or abandonment. It was a drying up and leading on. There would be new directions we both would go and yet never without God’s continued watch care and voice.

I originally wrote this devotional in October of 2008. I read it now for refreshment and needed review. Since the first writing, God has allowed me the precious experience of new significant relationships and I praise Him for allowing me to live out the truth of what He showed me a year and a half ago.

Father, I have sat beside the dried beds of friendship and struggled to move forward. Thank you that the steps are finally being taken to enter the new places You have for me. Amen.

For Good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzrGFQysfYU

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

The Certainty of Departures

And Mary said, “Behold, the bond slave of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her. Luke 1:38 (New American Standard Bible)

Mary’s questions have been asked, her heart has been settled and the next six words have a profound effect on me. I am not sure how long it took Gabriel to deliver his message, walk through the process of Mary digesting his message, and then depart. It may have just been a few minutes. No longer than it took me to read the thirteen verses that cover the event. But his visit was life changing and life defining for Mary. I wonder how often she replayed this day in her mind and delighted in the uniqueness of it all.

People come and go in our life. For some it is a brief encounter. For others it may span many years. I am one who enjoys relationships! I love to recall how God allowed my path to cross with particular people. My memories of them are sweet and I revel in the times we have shared. I marvel at the many friendships that have come my way. Some have blown my mind! But all are marked with the words found in this verse. Eventually they depart. Whether it is through death, a move, or a change in the relationship our involvement in each other’s life is diminished, altered, or discontinued all together.

As I learn to analyze these moments in my life, I begin to see the patterns each relationship goes through. I am convinced God has specific purposes for the individuals He brings into my life. Many times I may not fully realize the purpose until I look back over the time frame of the relationship. It is then that I can see specific messages they were meant to deliver to me about God, myself, or life in general. I also begin to see the intensity of the relationship is usually for a certain amount of time. I must be as willing to release this person as I was to embrace them. I must come to the place when I can fully accept God’s time frame for their involvement in my life and vice versa. Then they become a gift to be treasured instead of a loss to be grieved. It is a process I have to work on and I don’t always walk in victory, but it is worth it when I embrace the truth of it all.

Each change also reminds me of the constant presence of God. He never departs. As I cultivate my relationship with Him I am more able to fully appreciate the relationships with others in the ways He meant them to be.

Father, thank you for the dear people you have brought into my life. May I see them as Your messengers and hear their messages clearly. Amen.

Love That Won't Walk Away - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZioqjmmtK3U

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Necessary Boundaries

For even though I am absent in body, nevertheless I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good discipline and the stability of your faith in Christ. Colossians 2:5(New American Standard Bible)

The disciplines (order) of the Christian life are a part of the stability of our faith in Christ. We need the order. We need the discipline. For me, the disciplines of my faith include being part of a local church, reading the Bible, prayer, separation from the world, sensitivity to the Spirit, confession of known sin, living in harmony with others, seeking God’s will and face, remaining honest with God, others, and myself, and striving to walk in truth. As I practice these disciplines, I find myself more sure-footed in my faith. When I allow these disciplines to slip and I become less conscious of them I tend to feel unstable in my walk.

Discipline is often thought of as a negative aspect of life. We can limit it to correction and reprimand. In today’s passage it has more to do with the ordering of our life. Setting up the boundaries, guidelines, and guardrails that we need to live and walk in peace, safety, and strength is good and necessary.

I am aware this morning of a boundary I need to establish and the necessity of that boundary is more than apparent. To ignore it and refuse to institute it in my life will bring heart ache, disaster, and ruin. I have tasted of that fruit in the past and have no appetite to repeat the scenario. I have shared before of my tendency to become emotionally dependent on others. I enjoy many relationships without this factor and I cannot fully explain why it enters the picture of others. I know though the moment it is present. Up until this point, I have always given in to the desire to make others responsible for my happiness, security, significance, and worth. Emotions run high or low depending on their availability to me and involvement with me. Relationships cannot and will not survive such expectations.

In the past, three scenarios played out which included this ingredient of dependency. One came full circle and blossomed into a beautiful friendship. One saw a complete severing that still finds me hurting over from time to time. One is presently being walked through with hopes of freedom and an awareness of one who is choosing not to walk away. Recently a new one surfaced on the horizon. I am seeing aspects in myself that have the signs of dependency and I am determining to establish boundaries in order to be in relationship without the bondage. The boundaries? To not allow myself to seek comfort, advice, or guidance from her. Sharing problems and difficulties as a way of gaining attention, acceptance, or sympathy will only fuel the need for this person to have a prominent place in my life. I cannot afford to repeat that mistake. Friend? Yes! Replacement of all that God wants to be to me? Absolutely not! Afraid? Only if I refuse to establish the boundary.

Father, I see what is necessary. Walk me through this newest scenario to freedom. Amen.

Power of Your Love - Hillsong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ga6Qtxzd6vk&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Attractive Qualities

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. Isaiah 53:2b (New International Version)

What attracts us to people? What is it about certain people that causes us to take notice and say, “I want to get to know that person?” For me, it usually comes down to inward qualities. It may be their personality, wisdom, humor, or insight. More than anything they usually possess a quality I admire and would like to see in my own life. The interest is deepened as I sense acceptance from them. I love the point when we go from being strangers to friends.

A harder question for me to ask is what attracts people to me? What is it about me that would cause someone to decide they want to get to know me? Why would they want me for a friend? I would venture to say it is inward qualities as well. Qualities that God placed within me that people see and appreciate. I am reminded of the look and scent of flowers that attract insects and birds. Each of us have God given characteristics that attract us to each other.

It was no different with Jesus. Today’s verse reminds me that Jesus did not attract people via His outward appearance. It wasn’t His physical appearance that drew people to Himself. So what was it? Initially for some I am sure it was His miracles. But that would be an attraction for what He could DO. If it went no further it was merely a spectator sport. But oh the change when it was His love that attracted them. When they saw that He not only possessed power but wisdom and love as well.

I wonder what it was like for a person in Bible times to actually make eye contact with Jesus. To realize He knew and accepted them. What was it like to sit and talk with Jesus face to face? For each person who met Him and was attracted to Him there came a point when they went from being strangers to having a personal relationship with Him.

So I ask myself this morning, what is it about Jesus that attracts me to Him? Initially it was for the eternal life He offered. Now I would say it is for the abundant life He gives. At one point my spiritual eyes were opened so I could see Him. Now His Spirit works to open my heart to know Him.

Father, attract me to Yourself afresh today. Make me aware of the qualities in You that make me want to grow in my relationship with You. Amen.

Let My Words Be Few - Phillips, Craig, & Dean
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12z4dvc2kjo

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Looking for the Balance

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18 (New American Standard Bible)

It has always puzzled me that when Adam had only God and the animals in the Garden of Eden God said it wasn’t good for him to be alone. As one who battles dependency issues on a daily basis, God’s words spoken about Adam confuse me. I keep thinking God is suppose to be enough. God is suppose to be all I need. There is the pull toward others but I am told it is an idol of my heart. I am told that God gives us people in our life to encourage us, help us, strengthen us, and love us. Yet when I look for those things I am told to get my eyes back on Jesus. There seems to be a limit and I feel I am always stepping over that limit.

As a child, I never thought I loved people too much. All I know is that I enjoyed friendships. As an adult, I am told to come to Jesus like a child and live out my Christian life in child likeness. Yet when it comes to relationships I feel I am asked to live on a college level. Accept help from others but don’t look to them to be your help. Fellowship is necessary for us but don’t get excited over it. Interactions with others has become an area of my life that lacks freedom and spontaneity. I feel I am constantly tightening the reigns on my natural longings and desires. I am told to be myself. Be the person God made me and yet for the most part that entails denial of how I think and feel and a holding back.

God said it was not good for man to be alone and yet I feel like I am suppose to live isolated from anyone who is special to me. Relationships are like a swinging pendulum to me….always going from one extreme to the next. So where do I find a balance? Realize it is not an either/or choice between God and people. People are God’s gift and He wants me to come to place of being able to appreciate and accept those gifts of friendship with Him at the center. When I meet with a friend it is really a three-some…me, the person, and God. God is not upset that I delight in the ones He crosses my path with. My relationship with others is meant to be a good thing. At times, people are used to fill the voids and holes in my life. I just want to be at peace with that rather than live with a sense of condemnation and failure. I want to find the balance between relationships with people and my relationship with God. May God speak His “not good” over every wrong conclusion I draw.

Father, help me to see that my walk with You includes (not excludes) others. Settle my mind and my heart on this issue. I bring my questions to You for only You can supply the answers. Amen.

For Good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzrGFQysfYU

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Knowing Where I Stand

No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. John 15:15 (New King James Version)

Intimacy! I still do not fully grasp God’s intimate view of me as His daughter. Through out Scripture I am given terms that define my relationship to Him. His sheep, servant, child, clay, vessel, messenger, vine, bride…..FRIEND! What does that mean? In personal terms it means one who is dear to me, one in whom I delight, one in whose company I long to be, one I talk to often, one who is on my mind a lot, one who takes priority, one whose love I am confident of, one whom I continually get to know, one who shares my heart and theirs, one who shares their world with me, and one I love with abandon.

Nothing hinders my delight in a friendship more than the uncertainty of the other person’s feelings toward me. When I perceive they no longer want a relationship with me I shut down. I no longer feel at ease to approach them because of my own fear of rejection. It is a measure of self protection that can be costly. Where once I may have felt entirely loved and accepted by them, I now expect the opposite. There is such a difference between feeling tolerated and feeling loved. Does it hurt? Yes! Is there a need for healing within myself? Absolutely! God is daily letting me know that whether my thoughts and feelings are justified or not, He must be my constant resort for comfort and renewal. While I may not always know another person’s heart, His heart is openly revealed in His Word.

For years I viewed Him as harsh, unloving, uncaring, and merely tolerating of me. I knew He loved others but felt I was not among the chosen few. How deceived I was! With such a distorted view of Him, I hesitated to seek relationship with Him. The very things that are necessary to be intimate with Him--prayer and being in His Word--were sporadic at best. I could not conceive of the fact that His endearing terms were meant for me as well. Oh, the change that came when the truth finally sunk in. He graciously opened my ears to His words of love, delight, and friendship! It changed the way I viewed Him, related to Him, and heard Him. May I never stop letting Him show me where I might still be blind to His face and deaf to His voice.

Father, all that You have to say to me, I want to digest to the fullest. With You I no longer feel insecure, uncertain, or excluded. You have called me Your friend! Amen.

The Motions - Matthew West
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaHmiFaX_pk&feature=PlayList&p=F0BA1ACD8C2BFC55&index=39

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

God and Others

And being confident of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy of faith, that your rejoicing for me may be more abundant in Jesus Christ by my coming to you again. Philippians 1:25,26 (New King James Version)

There are times we set limits on ourselves that God never intended for us to set. Times when we attempt to do without the very things God purposes for us to embrace. Scripture is meant to be a pattern for us. It shows us truths we can digest and upon which we can live. I am in need of balanced truth this morning and Paul’s words to the Philippians are becoming my personal instructions. They are addressing an issue with which I am still wrestling. I stated it to a friend in an email just yesterday morning and it is this….finding the balance between going to people and going to God. My “all or nothing” mentality still rules much of my ideas, responses, and actions.

God knows each reason I hesitate to allow others to be a part of my progress and joy of faith. He knows where the skewed thinking is embedded. He knows where truth has been replaced by lies and how those lies seem like the truth. And He knows when I am keeping at arms length the very ones He has given me as gifts of encouragement. Somewhere along the line, rejoicing in others became idolatry. Asking for help became a dependency issue. Receiving instruction became wrong.

Then I come across Paul’s words to fellow believers and I see him connecting himself with their spiritual growth and journeys. He sees himself as a necessary part of their Christian lives. It is at this point that God once again encourages me to take down the “no trespassing” signs over relationships and learn to allow others to be what God intended them to be for me and me for them. I heard a speaker once say that “people are meant to be the icing and not the cake” and God sees the times I attempt to live with an uniced cake!

I want to reacquaint myself with the joy of fellowship. I want to joy in others and see them as “permissible” in my life. While my journey continues to be about learning the truth about God, He wants me to also learn the truth about others. He knows my fears and apprehensions. He knows how I distrust my own heart. He also knows how He will bring me to the point of healing and wholeness.


Father, help me to get it! Help me to see what others already grasp. Help me to reach out my hands and receive the gifts of friendship YOU are offering me. Amen.

Thank You - Ray Boltz
http://youtube.com/watch?v=UFrdJ2V3r7Y&feature=related

He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food. Job 36:16

Mutual Relationships

That is, that we may be mutually strengthened and encouraged and comforted by each other's faith, both yours and mine. Romans 1:12 (Amplified Bible)

I find that relationships come in three forms. There are individuals in my life for whom I am used of God to minister to. There are also individuals in my life who minister to me in profound ways. And then there are the relationships like Paul is describing whereby the strengthening, encouragement, and comfort are mutual. It runs both ways and what a blessing when it does! I am at a point in my life where that is happening more and more with the people I am crossing paths with and I am thrilled to have it that way.

Is it always easy? No. There are times I find myself feeling foolish for expressing needs or wanting to talk. There are times the unavailability of the other person can fill me with a sense of embarrassment and shame. Those are the risks that can cause me to want to retreat into a safe hole and pretend I don’t need anyone or wish I didn’t. Those are the times I can try to convince myself it would be better to live a solo existence. But more importantly, those are the times God reveals aspects about my own heart that need a touch from Him.

He knows there are reasons behind my relational issues and He wants to bring them to the light for healing and wholeness. He also knows that although relationships entail risk, they thrive on trust, respect, honesty, openness, vulnerability, and acceptance. I praise Him for the ones who provide a safe place with whom I can experience that. They have enriched my life and have allowed me to enrich theirs.

At a time when I struggled the most with the awareness of my own emotional dependency issues, I believed the answer was to live without close relationships. But my own transformation began when I became open to that very thing. As I allowed individuals to see the real me, I saw that they didn’t walk away in disgust after all. They know I have a long way to go and they are such precious cheerleaders along the way. They (more than anyone) have been the heart and hands of Jesus to me.

Do I still second guess myself, feel like a basket case, hesitate to ask for help, cringe at my own “phobias”, and long to be a different person inside and out? Absolutely! But mutual relationships are helping to lessen those moments and growth is coming slowly but surely. They remain the precious jewels in my treasure chest of life and I value them highly.

Father, thank you for all the relationships I enjoy. May each one please and glorify
You! Amen.

Kathy Troccoli sings "My Life Is In Your Hands"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlmYxZAgrGI

Necessary Conversations

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16 (King James Version)

I use to read this verse and limit it to simply admitting my sin to others. This morning the Lord is broadening the scope for me and helping me to see that faults include sins, weaknesses, deviation from truth, skewed thinking, and a host of other things I can so easily keep to myself. My healing and wholeness is dependent upon not only walking in honesty with God but also in honesty with others. Willingly being open, authentic, transparent, and vulnerable with individuals whom God is using in my life. It is not His intent that I become an “open book” to every person I meet, but rather to learn to confide in the ones who are God’s safety net for me.

At one time I would have thought I already do that, but recently God has shown me where I still have the tendency to be selective in what I share. Openness for me is hindered when I fear disclosure will result in rejection, a loss of love, or loss of respect. I buy into the lie that my weaknesses or struggles are not worth talking about with others. It is not just a matter of pride. It is a matter of sensing shame and disapproval in myself. I keep thinking I am suppose to be at an age where talking with others is no longer necessary. That allowing another person to walk me through issues is forbidden. Even as I write out the thoughts I can see all the lies that abound and how they have confined me to something God does not want for me.

God’s solution? Talk to the people He has given me to talk to and take the matter to Him in prayer. He is the One who will ultimately reveal the necessary truth. It may be He shows me the answer and it may be He shows the other person the answer. Either way we each get the benefit of seeing God work! While the joy will be ours the credit and glory will be His. Seeking another person’s advice and help does NOT mean I am replacing God with them….although that is an area I must continue to watch. It is simply operating within the boundaries He has established. My “lone ranger” mentality must give way to community. As a member of the body of Christ, it is imperative that I stop living as an amputated limb!

Father, I need You and I need the ones You graciously give to me. Heal those places of distrust and insecurity that abide in me. You are my true Healer but You have chosen to bring others into the operating room of my soul. Thank you. Amen.

Ready to Receive or Release

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. I Thessalonians 5:11 (New International Version)

I just spent a lovely evening with a friend and her family. After an elementary school Christmas program we headed for some pizza. My soul basked in the warmth of their laughter, love, and life! It is hard for me to believe that our friendship has grown and developed in just a few short months. It has been needed and it has been enjoyed!

There have been a handful of women whom God has introduced me to in this past year that came at a time when it seemed other friendships were going through some changes. At first, the changes concerned me and I started wondering what had gone wrong and what I had done to “drive” them away. Just when I thought I had become a “relational leper” God enlightened me to something I hadn’t considered. The friendships were still in tact. If I saw them or spoke with them we would enjoy ourselves. So what was different? God’s answer was this: they are no longer primary encouragers to you or you to them. And that’s okay because I have other relationships for all of you. When I embraced that truth everything changed!

God’s intent is that I enjoy the friends He brings into my life with open hands. Releasing them must be done as freely as receiving them. For it is only in releasing them that I am able to then receive others. God has purposes for the ones He brings into my life. We have the opportunity to enrich each other’s life within the time frame God has determined. He will know when it is time for me to interact with new people. Frequency will no longer mark our conversations but the friendship will continue in a new way.

This has been freeing for me. It has helped me take my expectations off people and enjoy them for who they are. It has also helped me to delight in the times we do share. Not hearing from them no longer becomes a time to doubt, condemn, or blame myself or them. I am now free to trust God to intersect my world with others in His time!

I have no idea how many more people I have yet to meet. God keeps surprising me like He did this past summer! I lift up thanks to Him for past encouragers as well as present ones. It is one area of need He continually supplies and He does it to perfection. It doesn’t have to be a thing of confusion or pain any longer. I am free to embrace the body of Christ as it was meant to be embraced. I now treasure the past, enjoy the present, and anticipate the future.

Father, I never liked change but have finally begun to see the preciousness of it! Thank you for each person who has touched my life in beautiful ways. I await the ultimate reunion in Heaven! Amen.

A Shift for the Good

But God, Who comforts and encourages and refreshes and cheers the depressed and the sinking, comforted and encouraged and refreshed and cheered us by the arrival of Titus. 2 Corinthians 7:6 (Amplified Bible)

I have a list of people in my life whose names could easily be slipped into this verse. This morning, God and I have reviewed them. I am touched by the fact that the God of all comfort chooses to many times comfort and encourage us through one another. The ones He has brought into my life have been used of Him to not only comfort me, but to instruct me, mold me, and leave a lasting impression upon me. I value the impact they have made on my life. Conversations with them still play from time to time in my memory. Even decades later I can still recall their facial expressions, tone of voice, and warm embraces. Spending time with them was and still is a high light for me. Any more though, those times are rare. For most of the people I am referring to are geographically removed from me. God has wisely made that the case.

He knows how easily I can become comfortable in a relationship and allow it to dominate my thinking and capture all of my attention. If not guarded, my heart can be torn between looking to people instead of to God as my primary source for many things. That is a sure recipe for stunted growth and hindered relationship with Him. For most of my Christian life I will admit to that being my greatest struggle. And I have absolutely no doubt there are many in the body of Christ who see that as a truth for themselves as well.

This morning, as I listened to Sandi Patty’s rendition of the song “Made Me Glad” it occurred to me that I am at a place in my life whereby no one is any longer in competition with God for the attention of my heart. While I still value them highly, God has finally captured my heart and affections. I am no longer looking for an individual to fix me, heal me, deliver me, or constantly be there for me. Will they still play a part in my life? Absolutely. And there will be times I seek their advice and counsel. But relationship with them can no longer be my main craving and goal.

While the transition has been painful at times I am finally seeing the beauty of what God has been doing. He has been wooing me to Himself as He has caused unhealthy attachments to fall away. What I thought would crush me has actually freed me. Although I will still falter at times, I know a shift has taken place and the journey will never be the same. For once in my life, I rejoice at such change!

Father, it has taken over 34 years for You to bring me to this point. Thank you for your patience and persistence. With gratitude and joy I proclaim that I am yours! Amen.

A Change of Heart

And Jacob noticed that Laban’s attitude toward him was not what it had been. Genesis 31:2 (NIV)

Have you ever had a “Laban experience” in your life? It is hard when you realize someone you once felt close to no longer looks at you in the same way. Where once you enjoyed friendship and favor you now feel left out and unwelcome. Conversations are strained and warmth is no longer felt when you are together. Jacob knew that feeling with Laban and David knew that feeling with King Saul. God is helping me to come to some understanding as to what brings about such changes.

I can think back to various relationships that turned sour. Some of the changes were due to my own actions. Through something I did or said the relationship dissolved. Sometimes I was aware of what I did and sometimes I wasn’t. But when it was all said and done, the person chose to step out of my life and we just went our separate ways.

For the longest time, I thought anytime a relationship fell apart I must have done something to cause it. If it was a highly significant person in my life the loss would be quite painful. Not only would I spend time grieving the loss of their friendship but I would continually kick myself for having blown it plus torture myself trying to figure out how I had blown it. I don’t have to tell you the enemy of my soul took great delight in my misery. It never occurred to me that the problem might not be me after all….at least not in every case.

Recently, God was gracious enough to enlighten me on a truth I was missing. Sometimes the relationship falls apart because of something that is going on in the life of the other person. It could be a character flaw, a personal change, or a withdrawal that they have initiated for their own personal reasons. Laban’s and Saul’s change of attitude came out of jealousy. Whatever the reason, this can be the most painful way to see a relationship change.

If I was the one who damaged the friendship I must be willing to do what I can to make things right. But if the other person has just had a change of heart toward me, I will need to trust God to redeem what needs to be redeemed. In the mean time I must begin looking to God for the acceptance and approval I have been craving from them.

Father, thank you for having an unchanging heart toward me. Amen.