Becoming Willing

For thus the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, has said, “In repentance and rest you will be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength.” But you were not willing. Isaiah 30:15 (New American Standard Bible)

God knows us thoroughly and will go to any length to bring us to the place He most desires for us to be. Yet, it is easy to misunderstand where He is leading and what He is doing. Many times, He must walk us through numerous issues and places to finally get us to the “starting” point of His desire.

Several years ago when I began this journey I had my own idea of what God was doing. I thought it was all about learning the truth about God and learning the truth about myself, realizing my freedoms in Christ, tearing down the denominational walls as well as the versions of the Bible walls, seeing His Word come alive and practical, eventually writing devotionals, and sharing with others the things God was teaching me. Did those things happen? Absolutely! Were they exciting to experience? Yes! Did they happen over night? Not at all! Have they reshaped and drastically changed the way I live my Christian life? Definitely! At the same time, they were simply the preliminary parts of God’s longing for me. God’s purpose ran much deeper than merely the dynamics of my internal and external life.

I am just now beginning to see that God wants to bring me to the place of living in repentance, rest, quietness, and trust with Him. To seek Him for confidence and comfort. The learn to embrace my emotions in His presence instead of seeking to deny them, anesthetize them, or ignore them. To not allow aloneness to cause me to feel separated from Him. To prefer to spend time with Him more than with anyone else.

I am picturing myself in a large mansion. Many of the rooms are filled with people, things, opportunities, or treasures. One room is where God alone waits for me. As I review my life I see how often I have bi-passed that room for all the others. Those have been my “you were not willing” moments. It is now that I have finally reached for the door knob, stepped inside, and come face to face with the One who will help me to walk intimately with Himself. He is assuring me I am safe, known, and loved. Others have been in this room with Him and their lives attest to the fact that it made all the difference in the world. I long to receive what they received and have that be my central focal point.

Father, You are calling me to a deeper place with Yourself. No human guides will be used at this time. It is just You and me. Amidst the uncertainties and insecurities are hope and anticipation. I come and I bow. Amen.

What To Do Next Time

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 (New American Standard Bible)

Although this verse is underlined in my Bible, it has not been one that readily came to mind when I have walked through difficult, painful moments. It has not flowed from my mouth or been reviewed in my mind at times when it would have been beneficial and strengthening to do so. I wish it had! When I faced the darkest valley of my life, I wish I had started each day reading this verse and then reviewing it throughout the day. I believe it would have had a profound effect on me and that it would have weakened the effect of the darkness.

I cannot go back and change the past but I can definitely decide to make this verse a part of my future trials, testings, and tragedies. As I do that, several things will happen. My focus will be directed back toward my Father rather than remaining on my present circumstance. What I choose to look at and dwell on has huge ramifications for either good or bad. When I am consumed with pain, loss, and sorrow it drains me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Better to have my mind fixed and focused on the One who speaks these words to me. When I feel that the road I am on has become quick sand and my sense of security is gone, this verse will infuse me with strength, confidence, and hope. When I am tempted to think I am all alone and forgotten, this verse will reacquaint me with the truth that God is with me and passionately involved in every aspect of my life. When I want another person to come along side me for support, this verse will remind me that HE is my God and HE will strengthen, help, and uphold me! I need not look any further than at the face, hand, and heart of my Creator, Sustainer, and Abba Father.

I recoil at bumper-sticker phrases that are often given out so glibly. Isaiah 41:10 is the kind of truth I need for hard times. It is filled with promises and assurances. It is imperative that above the roar of approaching storms, the sound of broken hearts and subsequent tears, and the deafening effects of anguish that I keep my ears attentive to the sound of God’s voice as He speaks His Word to me. I am presently walking out of my “valley of tears” but have made up my mind this verse will be a part of my next one when it comes…..and it will come.

Father, may the sound of Your voice be heard loud and clear when I face my next over whelming circumstance. Amen.

The One Who Is Responsible

Hear, O Israel, today you are going into battle against your enemies. Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory. Deuteronomy 20:3,4 (New International Version)

I am taking encouragement from this passage today. Each day will entail battles of one sort or another. Whether it is with the world, my flesh, or my greatest enemy, the devil, there will be battles. But my reason for not allowing that to put me in faintheartedness, fear, terror, or panic is because of God’s promise to be with me and to fight for me. He has already assured me of victory. So why do I lack victory in different areas of my life and how can I change future outcomes?

One of my greatest detriments to victorious living is a lack of awareness of Who is making this promise to me. The Lord God is speaking the words and has the ability and desire to carry them out. He wants me to notice how much responsibility He places on Himself to be with me, fight for me, and give me the victory. It is not a matter of me mustering the strength within myself or surrounding myself with the “right” people. It is a matter of taking Him at His word and allowing His word to take hold of me. My eyes are to be on Him, my feet are to be in step with Him, my dependence is to be in Him, and my pursuit is to be for Him. Trust, obey, cooperate, rely upon, and know Him! Those are the channels through which victory flows.

Last night, God helped me to see something that was blocking that channel. It was something I had not been fully aware of and when I saw it I was astounded! It had to do with placing a lot of responsibility on the shoulders of others. In essence He was telling me, “You are expecting people to make you happy, fill your emptiness, fix your problems, answer your questions, complete your life, nurture your soul, and basically take care of all your internal and emotional needs. The disappointment you keep experiencing when they “fail” you is evidence of misplaced expectations. You are trying to make them responsible for your life, feelings, and emotions. Transfer your expectations over to Me. I have already made Myself responsible for all of that and more!” It is the full scope of His promise to be with me, fight for me, and give me the victory. What a gracious God and One in whom I can fully rely!

Taking Him at His word brings me victory and allows people to be what God meant for them to be. It frees me to appreciate them in a way my neediness often wouldn’t allow.

Father, in this holy moment, I no longer hold others responsible for my life. That responsibility lies squarely on Your shoulders and I am in awe of You! Amen.

Redirecting My Questions

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Ephesians 5:8-10 (New International Version)

I have often looked to others to define me and tell me what God is thinking. Much like the children of Israel who told Moses to speak to them rather go one on one with God, I was more comfortable and more apt to run my questions, concerns, and ideas past people rather than to my heavenly Father. What patience He has to wait on me!

This morning I am being reminded that I am light in the Lord, I am a child of light, and I am called to find out what pleases God. Who better to tell me what pleases God than God Himself? In my head I know that His Word is meant to light my path and guide my feet. As His child I have access to Him at any time. So what stops me from looking to Him as my primary source of encouragement, guidance, wisdom, advice, and counsel? Why am I so prone to send an email or make a phone call? For each of us, those questions would be answered differently.

Modern technology has made it that much easier to solicit the help and advice of others. It is possible to live ones Christian life without ever running thoughts, agendas, plans, and desires past God or seldom doing so. People are just too accessible and my heart is often drawn toward that accessibility. There are many reasons I would seek out the help of an individual rather than God and I am not prepared to list those reasons. But I know this, I want it to change. For my intimacy with God is hindered with the more “mediators” that stand between God and me.

This morning He is asking me to consider the fact that I would seek advice from someone who has limited knowledge of me as opposed to the One who knows me thoroughly. No one but God knows my entire past, my present internal world, and my future. No one but God has as much love for me, interest invested in me, and watch care over me. I know the Bible speaks of the wisdom found in a multitude of counselors and that God sends individuals into my life to be those counselors. But I also know the balance of seeking God’s counsel and seeking their counsel is in need of alteration. For now, the pendulum must swing in His direction. With a mix of apprehension and anticipation I prepare to do just that!

Father, I turn my face toward You this morning. I open my heart to the very thing You have been desiring to do and that I have been fighting against. Help me to seek You as never before. Amen.

Heading in the Opposite Direction

But Jonah rose up to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the LORD. So he went down to Joppa, found a ship which was going to Tarshish, paid the fare and went down into it to go with them to Tarshish from the presence of the LORD. Jonah 1:3 (New American Standard Bible)

As much as I crave God’s clear cut, explicit directions in my life, I stand amazed at Jonah’s reaction. He decides to not only disobey and head in the opposite direction but plans to get as far away as he can. He wants as much space between himself and God’s will as is humanly possible. His blatant disobedience is hard to watch without wincing in my spirit. Yet I know God’s intent for having this story in Scripture is meant to showcase something personally to me this morning. If I allow it to remain on the pages of Scripture and not enter my own heart I am going to miss the personal application that is meant to transform my life.

What is the “Nineveh” God is sending me to on a daily basis? When are the times I am “jumping aboard” to head in the opposite direction of His call? It is not usually in the big areas. This morning God is probing my heart with questions that can feel uncomfortable if I forget His reason for asking them. His desire is always that I allow Him to expose the areas that need His transforming touch. While His questions may be direct and pointed they are asked in a tone of gentleness and love.

So how am I doing at responding to His commands to me? Commands such as: love your enemies, forgive one another, obey your husband, be a keeper at home, share your faith, let your words be gracious, be kind to others, put others before yourself, pray for others, study His Word, be attentive to the needs of others (particularly the poor, widows, and orphans), have the right motives, be patient toward people, etc…. For it is when I refuse to extend my hand to another person or close my heart to one in need that I am being a Jonah. I may find a hundred other things to do rather than the simple thing God is directing me to do but it is at that point that I am finding my own ship to head in my own direction.

Jonah had his reasons for where he was headed and I have my reasons. Part of Christian maturity is aligning my actions and beliefs with the desires of my Father’s heart. Today will reveal whether I am boarding a ship or grasping the hand of my Father in obedience.

Father, You have spoken. Help me to obey in all areas. Amen.

Assured by His Presence

Lo, I am with you always. Matthew 28:20 (New American Standard Bible)

These were the words spoken by Jesus as He gave the great commission to His disciples, but they serve as words of comfort to me this morning. Right now, in this moment, I am not on a spiritual high and neither am I in a valley of despair. I am somewhere in the middle and I just need the reminder that He is with me even now. I am glad He knows what I need.

Earlier as I read Scripture and a number of devotional books nothing in particular stood out. Actually, I was finding it hard to concentrate and focus. That always makes me wonder. In fact, it can fill me with thoughts that are far from secure. God knows that about me and wants me to learn to relax with Him. To know that right now, He still holds me, watches over me, and nudges me forward.

While I am one who loves excitement, today feels so normal it is almost scary. And God whispers, “I am with you.” I don’t know what today holds, and He says, “I do and I am with you.” I feel uncertain, but He says, “I am very certain and I am with you.” He is inviting me to live out of His words in Matthew 11:28-30 which say, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

My soul needs rest. To be still and know that He is God. No striving, no struggling, no trying to figure it all out. Just rest, stillness, and knowing Him. For He knows that unless I learn to “settle in” with Him in this moment, I will not be ready to walk with Him through more challenging moments. It all comes down to yielding and trust. Tenseness must give way to His voice. Life has slowed down and God wants me to slow down as well. Not necessarily on the outside. I will still head off to work in about an hour. But rather to slow down internally. Savor the preciousness of His presence. Trust the moving and impulses of His Spirit rather than the direction of my own personality, temperament, and flesh. That in itself will make an otherwise ordinary day extraordinary!

Father, I am not use to this. Without Your persistent assurance I don’t think I would see this as beneficial. So today I choose to rest in You. Amen.

Telling What He Has Done

Come and hear, all who fear God, and I will tell of what He has done for my soul. Psalm 66:16 (New American Standard Bible)

Look back over any period in your life and try to discern what God has done for your soul as a result of that time. Think of the lessons learned, the steps taken, and the growth that resulted. God’s desire is that we share it with others. Why? So that their view of God is enlarged and He is glorified. Can you identify moments in your life that would do that? Are you willing to tell someone about it?

I find that the most precious conversations can arise from the most difficult trials and testings we have been through. To sit with another individual and share with them the things that you thought would do you in and what God accomplished through all of it. Not just the painful moments of life, but the failures and weaknesses as well. Sad to say, too many believers are still trying to put on a brave front that says I am getting through this life without skinned knees and bruised elbows. They wouldn’t dare let someone know about their places of vulnerability, regrets, hurts, and struggles. Hence, the things they have learned remain a secret as well. Their “mannequin” life keeps others at a safe distance and their story of what God has done continues to be untold. Oh the richness that is lost when that is the case.

I think of King David and how his words of reveling in God’s forgiveness are so profound because we are told of his adultery and murder that needed the forgiveness. I think of how the reception the prodigal son received is so touching because we know of his waywardness. Time and time again God displayed His work in lives on the backdrop of dark moments in those lives. And He desires to do the same with us.

I have individuals in my life who rejoice with me as God brings me through my own journey of freedom from emotional dependency. They know the specific struggles and cheer me on as each step of victory is taken. That wasn’t always the case. Shame and embarrassment kept that part of my life a secret for too long. Now it is with joy that I share the things God has done for my soul in the midst of it. The lessons I am learning and the growth that is resulting are being freely shared because they are meant to be shared. Transparency and authenticity mark our life when we dare to admit we are human but serve an incredible God! Merely telling of the struggles would be morbid and of little value. But when we share how God has worked in all of it and what He has accomplished, the sharing comes alive with meaning and power. May I never stop doing that!

Father, Your work in me is worth sharing. And that sharing is more powerful when people know the story behind the story. May my transparency reveal Your workmanship. Amen.