How Does He Do That?

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to the multitude of Your tender mercy and loving-kindness blot out my transgressions. Psalm 51:1 NASB

What is it that often stops us from coming to God in the same way that David came to Him as recorded in Psalm 51? I read through that Psalm this morning and was struck by David’s way of approaching God with his sin. This particular Psalm followed his commitment of adultery, murder, and hiding. And yet David came to God with such childlike appeal. He based his forgiveness on God’s love, mercy, and kindness. No excuses, no blaming, no camouflaging, and no doubt of the outcome.

I wonder why confession of sin and receiving of forgiveness seems so difficult at times for me. As I have brought that question to God, He has begun to reveal the obstacles that get in the way of me personalizing Psalm 51. How He longs for me to see the lies I have owned. How He desires to clear away the distortions of Himself. Here is what He has been sharing with me.

I easily walk in shame over sin. I look back over a trail of sin behind me and think I must first make things right before God is willing to fully forgive me. It is like being given a teaspoon to begin transporting a mile high sand dune. Sin I committed after becoming a Christian haunts me more than sin committed before salvation. There seems to be less of an excuse for it. As a result I walk with a sense of greatly disappointing God and fail to embrace His gift of total complete forgiveness.

But God doesn’t just reveal these aspects to me and then leave. He brings to mind the pictures of Himself as found in Scripture. He is like the father of the returning prodigal. There was no demand that the son “make up” for all he had done. He is like the king who graciously forgave the person who could not pay his debt. There was no talk of installment payments. God says, “Bring to Me a broken and contrite heart. I will not despise you. I will forgive and embrace you.” I am daring to take Him at His word and experience an aspect of grace and mercy that has often eluded me. How He must have grieved to see me so hesitant in His presence.

Some will read this and wonder how I could ever be so mistaken about forgiveness. Others will read it and relate all too easily. For me, I simply say with David, “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”

Father, my journey continues to be one of exposing lies, discovering truth, and experiencing transformation! I come. Amen.

The Question He Still Asks

So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord, You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Feed My lambs.” John 21:15 NKJV

Jesus is still asking this question to us today. His question reveals His heart and our answer reveals our heart. I find that my view of life stems from that question. My ability to live life to the fullest is also connected to it. I so often want to answer it quickly with an affirmative “Yes!” I want to proclaim it with passion. But it is a question that probes my heart and causes reflection. I wrestled with it yesterday as God revealed to me the ways in which the answer is not always “yes.”

For each of us, the “more than these” is known only to us and God. For me, the question included a list of comparisons that were uncomfortable to perceive but necessary to admit. He became very specific with me as He targeted a list of issues. The conversation went as follows: “Pam, do you love Me more than the gifts I give to you? More than the plans I have for you? More than the significant people in your life? More than your dreams and ambitions? More than the very things that bring you joy? More than your abilities and opportunities? More than your desires and longings? More than those things I can do through you and for you? More than personal happiness and comfort?” Then He put His finger on some deeper issues. “Pam, if everything you hold near and dear were suddenly removed from your life, would your love for Me remain and even grow? If the books, music, and relationships were no longer available to you would you still love Me and find satisfaction in only Me?”

His questions stopped me in my tracks. For I knew then as I know now that my personal dissatisfactions and continual longings for more revealed something in me that is hard to admit but already seen by God. Nothing will change if I bury the truth and fail to be honest. My answer became a prayer of “O, God, help me to love you more than these!” My desire is His delight as we go through another day of growing in my ability to actually do just that.

Father, keep asking me the questions that lead to change. May I no longer fear the truth that leads to freedom and life! Amen.

A Daily Necessity

Now it came to pass, that at what time the chest was brought unto the king’s office by the hand of the Levites, and when they saw that there was much money, the king’s scribe and the high priest’s officer came and emptied the chest, and took it, and carried it to his place again. Thus they did day by day, and gathered money in abundance. 2 Chronicles 24:11 KJV

I have learned over the past several years that God’s Word is limitless in its application to our lives. I miss its multi-layered effect if I read a verse and fail to allow it to live and breathe in my day and age. But when I approach Scripture with a hunger to see the richer meanings and deeper applications I am astounded.

This morning I did something I rarely do. During prayer, I opened the Bible at random, pointed to the above verse, and read it. The actual setting was in Jerusalem and the king, Joash, called for a chest to be placed in an area where the people could come and contribute to the cost of rebuilding the house of the Lord. This was done with such enthusiasm that the chest was emptied and refilled daily! What a site that must have been! It is a story that exudes with generosity. But the Spirit of God took this verse and broadened the scope for me. The last phrase leaped off the pages of my Bible and found a resting place in my thirsty heart! Here’s the application that became personal for me.

I am the chest. Emptied daily through life, relationships, work, family, and schedules. Each morning I come once again before the throne of God to gather in abundance the riches He lavishes on me through time spent with Himself. It is a day by day process. I cannot horde spiritual growth! Just as there is a continual out-going there must be a continual in-taking. Otherwise, I begin to live my life on “empty.” It honestly does not take long before I begin to wane in my spirit, mood, emotions, desires, and connection. Internally I begin to feel out of sorts with myself, others, and God.

This shifting comes throughout the day and the solution is always the same….reconnect with the heart of God through prayer, scripture, music, meditation, and stillness. I am a bottomless pit of longing and God is the artesian well for my spirit. I have spent too many years trying to quench the thirst and fill the voids apart from God….even as a believer. It has never worked! Now I respond to His desire to fill me and heal me. It doesn’t matter if it has been only 5 minutes or 5 hours, when the need arises He urges me to turn to Him. I am learning to go to Him as soon as the ache and longing become apparent. No more waiting. No more distractions. No more broken cisterns.

Father, may I, as Your chest, house the treasures You give to me time and time again. May my emptiness always be brought to You for filling! Amen.

Making Myself at Home

If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love. John 15:10 KJV

So often I have missed the simplicity of God’s words or misunderstood them all together. Complicated them and kept them out of reach. Misread them and missed the message God wanted me to digest. Approached Scripture with preconceived ideas that hindered me from taking in truth and hence applying truth. What a huge corner is turned when God begins to enlighten me on the meaning and mystery of His Word!

For years I would read a verse like John 15:10 and come away with the idea that God’s love for me is contingent on my obedience to His commandments. Not so! This verse does not say, “Keep My commandments and I will love you.” It tells me if I keep His commandments I will abide in His love. I will make myself at home in His love. Understand it, embrace it, receive it, live out of it, and be changed by it. What a difference! Obedience is the doorway that opens my life to fully experiencing God’s love….it is not the condition, foundation, or prerequisite for that love. If that were the case, how in the world could God love me before I even knew Him? How could He love me while I was still in my sin?

Sometimes I have even limited His commandments to a list of does and don’ts. A type of law keeping. Then I wonder why God seems like a harsh law giver rather than a Shepherd, Father, and Friend. While God certainly has things for me to do and things for me to avoid in this life, His commands are broader. This morning, He is graciously revealing a list of commands that are meant to draw me closer to Him. Abiding in His love results from confessing sin to Him, listening to Him, learning from Him, leaning on Him, seeking Him, meditating on Him, looking to Him, following Him, depending on Him, resting in Him, embracing Him, speaking to Him, yielding to Him, receiving from Him, knowing Him, trusting Him, reflecting Him, believing Him, and living for Him. That list is not complete but it is powerful. Oh what I miss when any of these ingredients are missing from the recipe of my life!

Father, I have always had Your love but I am just now learning how to make myself at home in it! How to revel in it. How to delight in it. Obedience no longer has to be a word that intimidates me but rather it can be a word that invites me to abide in Your love. Amen.

My Ever Present Companion and Guide

For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death. Psalm 48: 14 KJV

Moses had similar words to Joshua. As Joshua was about to become the leader of the children of Israel, Moses gave him this powerful charge in Deuteronomy 31:6, “Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.” It is imperative that I realize who is going before me and with me and who is my guide through this life. For it is far to easy too look to human leaders and guides and become secure under their watchful eye.

I am beginning to grasp the truth that a vast majority of my Christian life is a solo walk between God and myself. While God will certainly intersect my world with other people, for the most part they are occasional meetings. It is like each one of us are on an individual path with God and our paths cross the paths of others. Those places of intersection can be enjoyable, delightful, and even exhilarating. Much like a four hour conversation I had the other night with a close friend in Michigan. The phone conversation was a continual dialogue of God’s goodness and involvement in our lives. But finally at 1:30 a.m. the conversation came to an end as the phones were hung up. Once again, it was God and me.

I have reveled under the mentoring of a significant woman. Conversations and emails with her were definite high lights. Her advice was always filled with wisdom that I readily received. But after a year and a half she saw the need to step back and once again it was God and me.

This transitioning use to scare me as I felt safer with a flesh and blood person to encourage me along the way. That is when God’s words through David and Moses have to come and take root in my heart. That is when I need to realize my guide and source of direction and encouragement is my Heavenly Father. He graces my life with people and I praise Him for that! But He is the only constant and consistent companion in my life. May I get to the place where even when I am talking with a friend I sense God’s presence and hear His voice speaking through the other person. Alone with God? Yes, but no longer lonely! He never leaves or forsakes me.

Father, keep bringing me to the place where Your presence is felt and desired above all others. I praise the preciousness of You! Amen.

The Roots and Dangers of Misperceptions

It happened after this that the king of the people of Ammon died, and Hanun his son reigned in his place. Then David said, “I will show kindness to Hanun the son of Nahash, as his father showed kindness to me.” So David sent by the hand of his servants to comfort him concerning his father. 2 Samuel 10:1,2 NKJV

This was the second time David desired to show kindness to someone because of the relationship he had with their father. The first time it was for the son of Jonathan, Mephibosheth. Mephibosheth initially feared David as it was the custom of new kings to completely annihilate the families of former kings. But once he realized David’s intent was to show kindness to him, he became the recipient of extravagant benevolence. The second time, David sent servants to comfort a new king whose father had died. But the servants of this new king were suspicious of David’s motives and shared the suspicions with Hanun. He accepted their view and proceeded to mistreat David’s servants. This lead to war! How sad when wrong actions come on the heels of wrong perspectives.

As a child of God, it is imperative that I guard my thoughts toward others. I have found that because of personal issues and unattended wounds from the past, that I can have a distorted view and misperception of another person’s actions, motives, and agenda. If I am not careful and prayerful I will respond to my perception rather than to the truth of that person. I will back away from relationships that were meant for good. I will miss valuable lessons because I am unable to hear what the person is trying to tell me. My suspicions will crowd out God’s intended blessing through the individual. If not kept in check, my thoughts will eventually lead me to say and do things I will deeply regret later on…..unless pride steps in as well.

I don’t like this part of myself but I am learning the importance of acknowledging it so that God can begin a work of transformation in me. It becomes a daily discipline of asking God to show me my own heart, help me to discern when my opinion of another is wrong, and even help me to see when the enemy of my soul is at work whispering lies to me. If that is the case we work on the heart issue and renounce the lies. If my perceptions are correct, we work on entrusting the individual to God. Either way I am brought into closer relationship with a loving, heavenly Father who definitely wants the best for me.

Father, I don’t want to miss another thing that was intended for my good. Help me to know my heart, know the truth, and know the freedom that will come from both. Amen.

Whose Opinion Matters?

And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul’s daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart. II Samuel 6:16 KJV

How easy it is to be misunderstood and even disliked for God’s work in your life. Because people are limited to what they see and cannot discern the heart of another, they can come to a wrong conclusion about your Christian life. This makes sense when it comes from someone who is not a Christian, but it is sometimes hard to digest when it is coming from those within the walls of a church and the body of Christ.

David was despised for his jubilant expression of joy and praise. All his wife, Michal, could conclude was that his behavior was unacceptable and inappropriate. It wasn’t something she would do therefore in her mind it wasn’t something he should do. What was David’s reaction? He did not allow her opinion to become his barometer for behavior. He knew his heart and it was connected to an extravagant God! While he could not persuade her to change her view, he also refused to allow her to dampen his celebration! God’s opinion was the only one that mattered.

Jesus was often misunderstood and criticized for his actions…even his performing of miracles. The religious leaders of His day were constantly watching him and drawing wrong conclusions. Pride and jealousy made them blind and unreceptive to His deity. What should have been undeniable proof that the Messiah had come, became grounds for their rejection of Him. What did Jesus do? Sometimes He walked in silence and other times He used words to silence them. He refused to allow their fears and prejudices to rob Him of one moment of obedience to His Father. Once again, God’s opinion was the only one that mattered.

In the fall of 2004, I experienced the back lash of people who could not discern the work of God in my life. They had an idea of how the Christian life should be lived and I was no longer fitting into their mold. For the first time in my life I was living connected to God, experiencing freedom, devouring Scripture, and excited about my faith and my God. I had stepped outside the box of public opinion and what made others comfortable. While many rejoiced with me, others condemned me. To this day their looks of disgust and coldness of shoulders is perceived and felt. What do I do? I stay connected to God on a daily basis and live my life according to His voice, His Word, His Spirit, and His leading. People have a right to their opinions, but no one but God has a right to dictate how I should live out my relationship with Him. Once again, God’s opinion is the only one that matters!

Father, it is difficult and sometimes lonely to climb out on a limb with You. Thank you for the ones who have sat with me, prayed for me, and cried with me. I look to You alone to define and direct me. Amen.