Seeing for Myself

They said to the woman, "We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.“ John 4:42 (New International Version)

Some are satisfied and content to let the words and experiences of others be their end all. I know the truth of that, for unlike the people of Samaria I often lived my Christian life watching and listening to others. As a teen, newly born into the family of God, it did not take me long to begin observing others as a way of learning how to live as a Christian. Good examples abounded and it felt safer to let those examples be my guide.

That is understandable for a fourteen year old. But now that I am in my early 50’s I have to question the tendency that still resides in me to take my leading from others. I still catch myself taking note of how another person walks with God and then proceed to follow rather than venture off on my own and discover my own unique, authentic walk.

I long for the day when I speak the words of the Samaritans which basically said, “We see it for ourselves now!” Whether it is in the area of prayer, applying biblical principals, setting standards, or just communing with God, it is imperative that my walk not be a mere copy of others. Copying their mannerisms, their style, their choices sets me up for a life of emptiness which is void of a genuine connection with God.

So I am asking myself a few questions. What am I afraid of? Why is the thought of individually seeking God so daunting and tenacious at times? Why is it so appealing to just look at others? Why do I pattern my walk after people who are not me? After nearly four decades of knowing Christ why am I still not fully venturing out on my own?

God and God alone can answer those questions for me. Through the futility of my former seeking He has my attention. I am poised to hear Him for myself. No longer intent or content to let another person show me, tell me, or direct me, I finally step out to approach Jesus on my own. Any other teacher leaves me with more questions than answers. Any other guide fills me with confusion. It is time I see Him for myself.

Father, help me to know You, see You, and encounter You in a way that is unique and individual for me. I am weary of trying to be someone other than who You made me. Amen.

When You Call My Name - Vineyard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4Ce45YmVyE&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

When Things Don't Match Up

I fear the LORD God of heaven who made the sea and the dry land…..and they said to him, “How could you do this?” For the men knew that he was fleeing from the presence of the LORD, because he told them. Jonah 1:9,10 (New American Standard Bible)

Let the world know that you are a Christian and they will expect your actions to match what you say. When there is a big difference between what we say and what we do, people will ask us the same question these men asked Jonah, “How could you do this?” It did not make sense to them how Jonah could SAY he feared the LORD and yet BE fleeing from His presence. His words and his actions were polar worlds apart from each other…they were incongruent and dissimilar. This kind of inconsistent living is easy to spot.

The harder cases are those who externally display the life of a Christian but internally their world is falling apart. They have the actions down pat, but their heart is far removed from God. The Pharisees of Jesus’ day come to mind. That is why Jesus always directed the conversation back to their motives, their thoughts, their heart. He called them white-washed sepulchers (graves). In other words, their outward show was beautifully decorated but inwardly there was death and decay. Others may not have been able to detect the contradictory life but Jesus could. God was not fooled! His desire was to help them see the truth about their spiritual condition and allow Him to transform them.

For me, it was having God bring me to the point where I was confronted with my core beliefs of who God was and what my relationship was like with Him. I had the outward things down pat….church attendance, involvement in spiritual activities, sporadic conversations with believers that sounded good. I had my sterling moments as a believer but in the privacy of my own life I carried a secret. I had a wrong view of God that kept me at arms length from Him. I knew Jesus as my Savior but failed to relate with Him on a deep, personal level. My mental assent of God was not sustaining my heart. It was when I finally admitted my own emptiness that I made room for God to fill me with Himself. He taught me how to say, “God, I need You!” His desire has always been that my internal relationship with Him matches my external show. I love the change!

Father, You are remaking me and I marvel at Your work! Amen.

Make It Real - Mark Lowry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-B3IeE9K58

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

What He Sees

Every man’s way is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the hearts. Proverbs 21:2 (New American Standard Bible)

The true test of any action is not what we think or see but rather what God considers. He goes beyond the surface of our behavior and examines the motives that are driving us to act. Whether it be our relationships with others, our performance at work, our carrying out of responsibilities, or our many multi tasking ventures, His litmus test is always our hearts. Our heart can mislead and deceive us but it can never escape God’s perfect examination.

Since God is the one who knows my heart, it is imperative that I continually go to Him and ask Him to reveal to me what He is seeing. Even with the best of intentions I can be prone to live with self deception if I am not seeking to know what is crystal clear to Him. There are questions I can take to Him and He will graciously answer them. Here are just a few: Why am I about to say that? Why am I taking on this new responsibility? Why am I going in this direction? What is driving me to do the things I am doing?

Along with questions I can also seek clear understanding. Show me where pride is present. Show me where I am seeking praise and applause. Show me where I am trying to derive value, meaning, and significance from relationships and situations. Show me where revenge, hurt, and anger may be involved.

Each of us wants to believe that our motives are pure and our actions are what they appear to be. Heart examination is painful at times because it exposes the truth that can be uncomfortable to admit. But the reason for such an exercise is not to bring shame or cause us to throw up our hands in resignation and defeat. The reason is so that God can begin to purify us and allow us to act out of the right motives. He desires us to align our hearts with His and bring forth actions that result from our relationship with Him.

There is much I can put my mind and hands to today. There are things I will say and tasks I will perform both in private as well as in the public arena of life. Ultimately it won’t be the opinions of myself or others that matter. It will be what God determines. I cannot hide or disguise any part of myself with Him. As my view of Him continues to be corrected, that brings about a sense of safety rather than dread. May I delight in the fact that His eye sees it all!

Father, open my eyes to the real me. Let me see what is behind every word and deed. Bring me to the heart of every matter. Amen.

Empty Me - Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KW4aCmI_uiw&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Imitate Not Duplicate

I am not writing this to shame you, but to warn you, as my dear children. Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me. 1 Corinthians 4:14-16 (New International Version)

As a young Christian, I watched others closely. What they did, I did. What they did not do, I did not do. Why? Because the Christian life was so new to me that I wanted to learn how to live it correctly. Other believers were my example and I was blessed to be part of a church that had plenty for me to watch and follow.

As a young adult, that watching and following became different. A lack of love and appreciation for the person God created me to be led to a desire to be someone other than myself. I found it easy to take on another person’s mannerisms, personality, posture, even their voice. To be like them gave me a sense of worth and value that being myself did not afford. I had gone from following to copying and there is a difference.

When Paul told others to imitate him he did not desire for them to become clones of himself. He knew that each person is unique and one of a kind. He knew that God’s plan did not entail the disappearance of that uniqueness. How boring the world would be if only one type of flower existed. How dull meals would be if only one taste existed. Variety and individuality is a gift God has given us in the whole of creation including each and every person.

Paul took his role seriously as an example setter. The life he lived in Christ was one that could be watched and followed so that others could learn to grow in their own walk with Christ. He joyed over their growth and the results that came from that growth. He beamed with the delight of a parent as he watched his “children” in Christ become all that God intended them to become.

I short change myself, rob others, and actually resist God’s work in me when I choose to be someone other than who God chose for me to be. May I live in such a way that my uniqueness is not sacrificed out of a desire to be someone else. May I live in such a way that others can follow without duplication.

Father, who is it You have made me to be? Help me to see it and delight in it! Amen.

Who Am I - Casting Crowns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU_rTX23V7Q

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Staying Honest With Myself and God

They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the LORD was my support. He also brought me forth into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me. 2 Samuel 22:19-20 (New American Standard Bible)

Some concepts of Scripture are easier for me to grasp than others. I have no trouble believing that God is my support, that He has brought me forth into a broad place, and that He has rescued me. His intervention in my life has been evident and endless. Many have been the pits He has lifted me out of and the situations He has rescued me from. He has stayed when others have walked away. He has comforted when others have condemned. He has extended love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness with full knowledge of the worst of me. Yet even with this knowledge I struggle to grasp and live in His delight of me….especially when I keep failing at overcoming the weaknesses and propensities toward sin that still reside in me.

I see my shortcomings and failures so clearly. People tell me they see growth and I sometimes simply take their words by faith. God’s words to Israel in the Old Testament when they did not keep His laws hang over me like banners. Romans 8:1 says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus and who walk in the Spirit rather than the flesh. But the sense of condemnation, failure, and worthlessness often envelope me. I believe many Christians feel the same way but won’t admit it because they know they shouldn’t feel that way. So we don the smile, say the right words, and try to do better. But the inner struggle continues.

The answer? Stay in the Word and remain honest with God. He already knows the doubts, fears, and apprehensions. He sees the gold even in the midst of failure. He knows that one day I will fully realize and embrace His grace and mercy. I will revel in His forgiveness. For now, my eyes well up with tears when I am told He loves me.

Every day does not start out like this but today does. It is my starting point and God is already extending His heart and His hand to me in order to walk me through the minefield of thoughts. I want to hear what He has to say to me for I know joy will follow.

This isn’t an easy devotional to write but I believe it is necessary. It will also be worthwhile if it causes one other individual to finally take the time to look within themselves and see what is really going on. If they will finally begin to live a life of authenticity before God.

Father, I need You and I need Your truth to be my life. Amen.

You Are My Hiding Place - Maranatha Singers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zej__yFPeK0

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

That Which Sets Us Free

The woman said to Him, "Sir, give me this water, so I will not be thirsty nor come all the way here to draw." He said to her, "Go, call your husband and come here." The woman answered and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have correctly said, 'I have no husband'; for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; this you have said truly." John 4:15-18 (New American Standard Bible)

Jesus pinpointed the area of struggle and shame in this unnamed woman’s story. It was the turning point of the conversation as well as her life. What she may have had no intention of sharing with a “stranger” was exactly what she opened up about to Him. What was hidden in the well of her heart flowed out with her words. Her sense of freedom, forgiveness, and wholeness was only possible with her honesty. When a person has no more to hide, it is then that they stop hiding and start living. It was true of this Samaritan woman and it is true of us as well.

So knowing this, what makes it so difficult for us to be honest and open with the people in our life? I am pondering that question in the early hours of this morning. One year ago today was my “woman at the well” experience with a trusted friend. The one thing I vowed I would NEVER discuss with her became part of our conversation and I sat in disbelief at what was coming out of my mouth. I was sharing not only a very personal aspect of myself but one that housed me in a robe of guilt, shame, disgust, and cringing. It was my personal demon of struggle and admitting it put me in a place of vulnerability and fear. I felt exposed, weak, defenseless, and susceptible admitting my well guarded secret and I was gripped with fear that sharing it would cause this person to walk away and sever the ties of our friendship. I was prepared for the worst but it never transpired. Instead of rejection I received acceptance. Instead of a lost relationship I received the assurance that we would walk through this issue together with God in the center. Instead of seeing my expectations played out I was given the hope of friendship, freedom, and a fresh start. I feared the worst but got the best and my mind desperately tried to wrap itself around the preciousness of it all. I am not the same person I was a year ago. The friendship has continued and slowly but surely more victories are coming. Neither is possible without honesty.

I learned that fear is my greatest hindrance to living the full life. It hinders me in my relationships, in taking risks, in being adventurous, and in living the life out of each moment. To be ruled by all the “what ifs” that I can think of is imprisonment of the worst kind because it places me behind walls of distrust and lies. Last year, Jesus gave me the key to my own freedom and I used it. Each time I choose to take continual steps forward the result is always best! May I never go back again!

Father, quiet any voices in me that would seek to recapture and imprison me. May Your love continue to cast out any and all fear. Amen.

Who Am I? - Casting Crowns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU_rTX23V7Q

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Admitting the Truth

Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts; and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. Psalm 51:6 (King James Version)

Do you want to know one of the things God wishes for, longs for, craves, and yearns after? It is acknowledgement of the very things we try desperately to hide or bury. David’s backdrop for this verse was the confession of sin. 2 Samuel 11 details the great extent to which David went in order to cover up his sin with Bathsheba. But in the end, the truth was acknowledged because that is a prerequisite for relationship with God.

This morning God is not only bringing that point to mind, but He is also letting me know acknowledgement of truth is a prerequisite for many things. Healing comes when I admit to being sick. Filling comes when I admit to being empty. Freedom comes when I admit to having idols. Restoration comes when I admit my brokenness. Comfort comes when I admit to sorrow. Supply comes when I admit my need. Wisdom comes when I admit I do not know what to do. Friendship comes when I admit my loneliness. Strength comes when I admit my weakness. And the admitting is done to God!

For some reason it has taken me decades to learn growth in my Christian life is a daily process and acknowledging the truth about myself and God is a big part of that process. I use to think weaknesses on my part were a disappointment to God. I imagined Him looking over my life, sighing, and urging me to do better. When all the while He was wanting me to have honest, open communication with Him. He has been waiting for me to tell Him about my struggles, my pain, my wanderings, my thoughts, my feelings, and my searching. It is not unwanted news to Him and it comes as no surprise to Him.

He knows that acknowledging truth to Him forces me to admit it to myself. Also, acknowledging truth to Him acknowledges Him as my Source. Every day becomes an opportunity to see and say how much I need Him. There is no restoration, redemption, reform, or renewal without Him. For those of us who expect perfection from ourselves and cringe at the thought of failure, this is a process we must take one step at a time and look to God for the grace to do so. Getting out in the light what has stayed in the dark for so long is the beginning of change. When I am tempted to view my Christian life as always taking one step forward and two steps backwards, God is not seeing it that way. He wants me to know that honesty with Him is NEVER a step backwards. Seeing that for myself is what He wants for me. May I align myself with His view.

Father, I can finally look at You when I speak the truth. With You there is no need to hide, live with shame, or back away. May I freely admit what You already know about me. Amen.

Exposing the Lies

Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. Luke 12:1

Hypocrisy is pretending. How good the Pharisees had become at pretending what was seen on the outside was realistic of what was present on the inside. Jesus knew better. He not only confronted them but warned others against taking on the same heart attitudes. I have to ask myself this morning what the pay off was for them to play the pretend game. Not only with others, but with themselves and even God. If something is not real what good would the pretending do?

People fall into this trap all the time. Some will pretend to be better off financially than they are. Some will pretend to be happier than they are. Some will pretend to be more confident than they are. Some will pretend to be more problem free than they are. Some will pretend to be friendlier than they are. For some reason, believing and purporting the lies they are living gives them a sense of security and accomplishment. But God knows real freedom does not come until the lies are exposed and honesty becomes that person’s lifestyle.

Hypocrisy blocks a lot of things. It blocks others from really getting to know you. It blocks God from being able to transform you. It blocks you from being able to be the person God intended for you to be. The Christian life must not be lived out of grit, determination, behavior modification, pretend, or outward appearances. It is a relationship of the heart with God. He wants to go deeper than the surface with us. He wants to help us see what is really going on inside our being. When all the facade is set aside and we are left with the truth of our own condition, that is when God can begin to change us from the inside.

It has helped me to realize one very important aspect of God’s working. When He targets a specific area in my life it is not to condemn or shame me. He is simply revealing what it is He wants to change in me. I have learned to grow comfortable during His process of examination. I have had my fill of living with my own hypocrisy. I take Jesus’ warning to heart and once again come to God with honesty and a desire for His touch on my life.

Father, make me comfortable enough with You to be honest. You know the truth already. Let me see what You see when You look past the outward appearance. Amen.

Truth Telling

Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” John 4:16 (New King James Version)

A woman of Samaria comes to a well to get water and is about to have a conversation with Jesus. What she didn’t realize was that He was her Creator and knew every detail of her life. He also sought to be the redeemer of her life. A radical change was about to take place but it would require a moment of truth. Once her interest was pricked Jesus asked her a question that would change her entire view of Him. He asked her to go and get her husband. The woman’s first response was a cover up of sorts. She simply told Jesus she didn’t have a husband. Her words were true but her story was still being well hidden….as far as she was concerned. Jesus knew the truth. In a moments time He exposed an area of her life that she was hoping would remain her “secret.” He revealed the living situation she was presently in. Having been married five times previously, she was now living with a person she wasn’t married to. Her reaction was not one of denial, shame, or anger. Her reaction was that she finally saw Jesus for who He was.

I have come to realize how my honesty with God opens up a relationship with Him that is impossible when I try to hide details of my life from Him. He knows it all. He has seen everything I have done, heard everything I have said, and perceived everything I have thought. He has been present at every conversation, witnessed every heartache, and detected every sin. He even stands fully aware of any future moments in my life. Opening up in honesty to Him is NOT for the purpose of informing Him of something He does not know. It is for the purpose of freeing me!

I love Job 36:16 from the NIV, “He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restrictions, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food.” It has become my life verse because it expresses God’s plan and work in my life. I am not free in any area where I am in denial or hiding. When I close off any area of my life and hesitate to confide the truth to my Heavenly Father I am in a prison of my own making. His desire for me to be honest with Him about my actions, motives, thoughts, and failures is an invitation to freedom and intimate relationship. My honesty opens up the lines of communication and the door to change.

Knowing that He loves me unconditionally, delights in me as His daughter, and longs to set me free from any and all things, makes it possible and desirable to be honest with Him. I have learned that my truth telling is always met with open arms, tender eyes, listening ears, and receptive heart. The beauty of His fathering me is something I continue to marvel over!

Father, You ask the right questions and probe the right areas of my heart. I am learning to trust You in ways that use to be difficult. May the conversations we have continue to be healing, refreshing, and renewing. Amen.

Imitations of Himself

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27 (New American Standard Bible)

I have seen pictures of the Rocky Mountains and I have been to the Rocky Mountains. While pictures can be breath taking, they do not begin to compare to the beauty and majesty of the actual place. They are simply an image or likeness of it. They give us an idea of the genuine but they are not the same thing. The Rocky Mountains are so much more! Any who would settle for a picture over the real place is settling for less.

God created man in His image as someone who would display His character, personality, and likeness. Think of the special qualities you see in others be it patience, love, joy, warmth, charm, or strength, and you are seeing a limited aspect of God Himself. They are merely the image of the One who created them. Too often, we settle for the image over the authentic One. In our flesh we would be content to look to the images, but our spirit knows the difference. Our spirit yearns for the God who created the very person with whom we have become enamored.

This morning I am thinking of numerous people God has brought into my life and I am appreciating the way they reflect God. That which attracts me to them is Christ in them. The qualities of His heart are showing through and are meant to give me a glimpse and taste of what He is like. Just as a picture of an exotic place would awaken a desire in me to go to that place, the picture of Christ in another individual should awaken in me a desire to go to Christ Himself.

God longs for each of us to move out of the “art gallery” that displays His image and turn our attention toward Him. To stop settling for the imitations. To stop making them our focal point, security, plum line, and compass. He is their Source and wants to be ours as well. He longs for us to be obsessed with Him and captivated by Him. What we see in others will help us to know about God but only He can help us to know Him. One is intellectual while the other is life changing.

While I thank God for those who have imitated Him so well, I am no longer satisfied with a limited view. My desire is to see Him for myself, hear Him for myself, talk to Him myself, and connect with Him myself. No amount of rubbing shoulders with others will bring that about. It must be a one on one meeting with the One who created me in His own image. This morning, I choose to slip my name into Genesis 1:27 and live with a fresh realization of that truth.

Father, may I no longer settle for the images of You. I hear Your call to know You and I follow the sound of Your voice. Amen.

Letting Others Know

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availed much. James 5:16 (King James Version)

There are two things I use to find difficult to share with others. One was my sins, failures, weaknesses, and struggles. The other was my need for prayer. I was convinced if people knew my places of sin, sorrow, and brokenness, they would change their view of me, reject me, or just plain abandon me. I also failed to see the power and necessity of their prayers. If given, prayer requests remained general in nature as a way to not disclose any real needs of the heart. The enemy of our souls loves it when we don’t see the truth and freedom of these two aspects of the body of Christ. On the other hand, our Abba Father delights to see us embrace the truth of His words to us.

Yesterday I experienced both areas. While at work I began struggling with thoughts the enemy was using against me in order to take me down an emotional spiral. Within a few hours I knew I was in trouble. Instantly, God brought to mind a friend who is a prayer warrior. I reached for my cell phone and did something I have never done before. I sent a text to her which said, “Pray for me. Choices are hard today.” She knew what I meant as she has been helping me to see that I have a choice in the area of my thoughts. Within minutes the thoughts subsided and I began to think clearly once again. God proceeded to walk me through the necessary steps to regain my footing. Within the hour I was able to text back to her, “Victorious at last.” The rest of my afternoon went amazingly smooth! The enemy knows (and I am learning) the power that comes when we allow fellow believers to lift us up in prayer. If this is something you are not doing, I invite you to seek out the prayer warriors in your life and avail yourself of their willingness to help you in this way.

Along with that, God has placed in my life precious individuals with whom I can discuss the areas of struggle from my past and present. Last night I experienced the joy and strength of one such conversation. This is not a time to simply air my dirty laundry. This is a part of my journey to freedom! These are individuals who will listen, advise, and pray. They celebrate God’s steady work in my life and continually assure me they are not going ANYWHERE. They are my God given guard rails and support beams on this journey. I treasure them!

Father, You never meant for me to walk isolated from Your body of believers. Thank you for the ones You have crossed my path with. May Your hand of blessing be on each one of them today. Amen.

Seeing It For Myself

And they were saying to the woman, “It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves and know that this One is indeed the Savior of the world.” John 4:42 (New American Standard Bible)

The testimony of the Samaritan woman drew people to Jesus but their relationship with Him was birthed when they saw and heard Him for themselves. No amount of rubbing shoulders with others will put us into connection with God. Until our faith is born out of our own experiences, we will be limited in our view of Him, our love for Him, and our commitment to Him. We may catch glimpses of God through the life and words of others but a full view comes through our own one on one meetings with Him.

I well remember the decades I spent learning truths about God at the feet of others. I was enraptured with their stories, hung on their every word, and walked away excited about their walk with God. While their journeys appealed to me they didn’t do a lot to change me. I was trying to experience God through the avenue of another person’s relationship with Him. That, my friend, is a second-hand faith and results in stagnation and staleness. God’s desire has always been that each one of us see, hear, and relate to Him on an individual, authentic, personal level.

I praise God for the day I looked at an individual whose walk with God exploded with everything I lacked and a hunger was awakened in me. My prayer became, “God, I want what SHE has!” I wanted to live my life with the realization that God loved me. I wanted His Word to come alive to me and prayer to be a two-way conversation. I wanted to live each day out of an intimate relationship with Him. And I thought that would come as I sat at her feet and listened to her tell me of her encounters with God. But God knew better.

He knew I would only experience Him for myself as I learned to cry on His shoulders, take my questions to Him, learn to hear His voice, and sit at His feet. In other words, He was wooing me into a solitary walk with Himself. He has brought me to the place where I am no longer desiring what other people have, I am experiencing it!

It is my heart’s desire that each person reading this devotional is either experiencing God for themselves or being wooed by Him in that direction. He is still in the business of awakening a hunger and thirst for Himself and satisfying both.

Father, it has never been Your intention that I merely hear about You. What I am finally experiencing for myself is beyond words. Draw me still closer. Amen.

Seeing What Needs to Be Skimmed

Remove the impurities from silver, and the sterling will be ready for the silversmith. Proverbs 25:4 New Living Translation

I notice a pattern within myself. Walk a journey with God long enough and patterns become very evident. My most recent “pattern” has to do with unresolved hurts, disappointments, and thoughts. Avoidance, positive thinking, and denial are not the right paths for me to take. Allowing things to stay buried in hopes that they will somehow go away or resolve themselves is self-deception at best and self-destruction at worst. As a wise Teacher, God allows me to experience the pain and consequences of choices and then reveals to me where my thinking has become skewed, truth is being blocked, and healing is being hindered.

My heart’s desire is to grow and mature in my faith. I want the changes that God can bring about in my life. The problem comes when I want to rush the process and conveniently side step issues of my heart. God will not allow the success of either one. He urges me to keep pace with Himself and remain transparent and teachable to Him. It is not always easy but indeed it is necessary.

I have certain harmful mindsets that continue to wreak havoc in my life. They stem from lies, distortions, and misperceptions that I have carried with me since childhood. They affect the way I interpret things. Painful events leave a mark on me and unless I allow God to redefine my interpretations I begin to build up a huge amount of wrong thinking that eventually affects my attitude, moods, and quality of life. For a while I can seem to do fine, and then the dam of my own making breaks and I am enveloped by the very things I thought I had kept hidden and refused to bring out in the light.

This morning I have come out of one of these experiences and God is showing me the truth of today’s verse. My heart is the silver. The impurities are the wrong mindsets. Each time I am willing to voice to Him what is really going on inside of me, it is like setting a pot of liquid silver over a fire. The heat causes the impurities to come to the surface and God graciously skims them off the top. Are there still impurities to be dealt with? Yes, but each time things become clearer, purer, and more refined. This was His way of letting me know that if I do not allow Him to take me through the skimming process, the mindsets will forever remain obstacles in my life.

Father, You are so patient with me. May I continue to learn it is always safe to confide in You. Trust in You and transparency with You are my pathways to lasting change and freedom. Amen.

The Question He Still Asks

So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord, You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Feed My lambs.” John 21:15 NKJV

Jesus is still asking this question to us today. His question reveals His heart and our answer reveals our heart. I find that my view of life stems from that question. My ability to live life to the fullest is also connected to it. I so often want to answer it quickly with an affirmative “Yes!” I want to proclaim it with passion. But it is a question that probes my heart and causes reflection. I wrestled with it yesterday as God revealed to me the ways in which the answer is not always “yes.”

For each of us, the “more than these” is known only to us and God. For me, the question included a list of comparisons that were uncomfortable to perceive but necessary to admit. He became very specific with me as He targeted a list of issues. The conversation went as follows: “Pam, do you love Me more than the gifts I give to you? More than the plans I have for you? More than the significant people in your life? More than your dreams and ambitions? More than the very things that bring you joy? More than your abilities and opportunities? More than your desires and longings? More than those things I can do through you and for you? More than personal happiness and comfort?” Then He put His finger on some deeper issues. “Pam, if everything you hold near and dear were suddenly removed from your life, would your love for Me remain and even grow? If the books, music, and relationships were no longer available to you would you still love Me and find satisfaction in only Me?”

His questions stopped me in my tracks. For I knew then as I know now that my personal dissatisfactions and continual longings for more revealed something in me that is hard to admit but already seen by God. Nothing will change if I bury the truth and fail to be honest. My answer became a prayer of “O, God, help me to love you more than these!” My desire is His delight as we go through another day of growing in my ability to actually do just that.

Father, keep asking me the questions that lead to change. May I no longer fear the truth that leads to freedom and life! Amen.

Whose Opinion Matters?

And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul’s daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart. II Samuel 6:16 KJV

How easy it is to be misunderstood and even disliked for God’s work in your life. Because people are limited to what they see and cannot discern the heart of another, they can come to a wrong conclusion about your Christian life. This makes sense when it comes from someone who is not a Christian, but it is sometimes hard to digest when it is coming from those within the walls of a church and the body of Christ.

David was despised for his jubilant expression of joy and praise. All his wife, Michal, could conclude was that his behavior was unacceptable and inappropriate. It wasn’t something she would do therefore in her mind it wasn’t something he should do. What was David’s reaction? He did not allow her opinion to become his barometer for behavior. He knew his heart and it was connected to an extravagant God! While he could not persuade her to change her view, he also refused to allow her to dampen his celebration! God’s opinion was the only one that mattered.

Jesus was often misunderstood and criticized for his actions…even his performing of miracles. The religious leaders of His day were constantly watching him and drawing wrong conclusions. Pride and jealousy made them blind and unreceptive to His deity. What should have been undeniable proof that the Messiah had come, became grounds for their rejection of Him. What did Jesus do? Sometimes He walked in silence and other times He used words to silence them. He refused to allow their fears and prejudices to rob Him of one moment of obedience to His Father. Once again, God’s opinion was the only one that mattered.

In the fall of 2004, I experienced the back lash of people who could not discern the work of God in my life. They had an idea of how the Christian life should be lived and I was no longer fitting into their mold. For the first time in my life I was living connected to God, experiencing freedom, devouring Scripture, and excited about my faith and my God. I had stepped outside the box of public opinion and what made others comfortable. While many rejoiced with me, others condemned me. To this day their looks of disgust and coldness of shoulders is perceived and felt. What do I do? I stay connected to God on a daily basis and live my life according to His voice, His Word, His Spirit, and His leading. People have a right to their opinions, but no one but God has a right to dictate how I should live out my relationship with Him. Once again, God’s opinion is the only one that matters!

Father, it is difficult and sometimes lonely to climb out on a limb with You. Thank you for the ones who have sat with me, prayed for me, and cried with me. I look to You alone to define and direct me. Amen.

The Mindset of a Pretender

Then Judas, which betrayed him, answered and said, Master, is it I? He said unto him, Thou hast said. Matthew 26:26 (KJV)

I read Judas’ question to Jesus and I am struck by the blatant mode of “masking” he is living. Judas is asking this question AFTER he has already visited the chief priests (Jesus’ greatest human rivals), offered to help them capture him, agreed to a price of thirty pieces of silver, and began looking for an opportunity to carry out the betrayal. Everything has been set in motion for the most heartless, devious betrayal of all time. Judas knows what he is doing and still voices a question to the very One he is betraying and the very One who knows he is doing it. What I am asking myself is “why?” Why is Judas asking a question he already knows the answer to?

Could it be he wants to know if Jesus is aware of his thoughts, actions, and secrets? Or could it be he wants to continue his masquerade within the company of the other disciples? Jesus could not be fooled. He saw right through the hidden agendas, false motives, and hypocrisy of the religious leaders of His day. And He saw right through Judas. As God, He was present when Judas met with the chief priests and He was aware of his search for the right moment of betrayal. Nothing escapes His knowledge, awareness, or eye.

So it is the second possibility that has my attention this morning. While Jesus cannot be fooled, people are another story. Judas would continue to embrace his self-deception with his desire to keep the truth hidden from the people in his life. He was pretty good at it too, because his closest friends never realized the truth about him until his kiss of betrayal took place in the garden. He indeed had them all fooled until the very end.

I wonder how many Christians will live with a Judas mentality today? While they realize God is not being fooled, they continue playing a game of pretend to their family, friends, co-workers, and congregation. They derive some sense of safety and satisfaction that no one knows what they are really like. Addictions, strongholds, and sins have remained hidden behind masks of worship, service, and good outward behavior. God is calling them to a life of authenticity and will help them find it, but they are resisting. Oh, that they would not play their game until the end. How tragic that would be!

Father, it is sobering to think one could live with such a mindset. May I be honest with You, others, and myself each day. Cloak me in truth. Amen.

Seeing the Real Me

Be ye therefore followers of God as dear children. Ephesians 5:1 (King James Version)

Relationships have always fulfilled two purposes for me. I looked for people to give me significance and for them to reshape the person I could not accept in myself. I did not like who I was, what I had become, or what I had to offer anyone. It was easier to look at something someone else had (be it personality, voice, talent, or taste) and imitate that in my own life. If I could be like them, sound like them, talk like them, or appear like them I believed I could replace myself with them. I believed if I could somehow possess what they had and it would bring me the satisfaction and peace.

It might be as simple as choosing something they would choose. I can remember in high school looking up to a young couple in our church. We went to the Dairy Queen one day. They ordered Slushies so I ordered one as well. Never mind the fact that I preferred shakes and ice cream sundaes. If I was having what they had, it made me more like them and I no longer had to settle for being me.

If I liked someone’s voice and expressions I would begin to replace mine with theirs. Writing styles, hand jesters, facial expressions, and body language were the things I could duplicate and hence avoid living my life as myself.

But it is all futile. It doesn’t work. Taking on another person’s character traits only covers up what is still there. It is like a poorly dressed, homeless person putting expensive clothes over his own. His clothes are still there. My true self is still the only one I have. I can deny it, cover it up, try to replace it, and even forget about it. But the truth is that it is and always will be who I am. And there is so much I lose in the process.

I lose the ability to enjoy the person God created me to be. I lose the gift of myself God desires me to be to others. I lose fellowship with God and others because I don’t come to them as myself. I wear the mask, parade the garments, and pretend to be someone else. I use the people in my life to form a cocoon to crawl into. It may feel safe but it is confining and it is a prison to hide in.

Father, peel back the layers I have encased myself in until all that is left is the real me. Convince me there will be joy, pleasure, excitement, and abundant life waiting for me when I allow You to reveal my true self. Amen.