My Deliverance Has Come

But You, O GOD, the Lord, deal kindly with me for Your name's sake; because Your lovingkindness is good, deliver me; for I am afflicted and needy, and my heart is wounded within me. Psalm 109:21, 22 (New American Standard Bible)

I rejoice when a present experience becomes a past position. Up until this week, I lived the poignant words of this Psalm….afflicted, needy, and wounded in heart. Wanting desperately to believe deliverance would be mine I had my doubts that I would see it in this life time. I wondered if I would ever be able to say God had delivered me from my pit of despair and sorrow. David testified of it all through Psalm 108. Others have tasted of the freedom that came with such deliverance. I could only view it as an outsider to the experience. When the people in my life tried to assure me that God would in fact deliver me and I would one day know the joy of such a deliverance I wanted to believe it was true but could not see it happening. The affliction, neediness, and wounding were too deep. Too painful. Too dark. Too much.

I have spent the past two years in a wilderness. During this time I have continued to go to church, read necessary books, seek godly counsel, listen to Christian music, write devotionals, pray, seek, and stay in the Word. But all the while the internal darkness abounded and the dependency issues prevailed. I spiraled in and out of emotional pits on a daily and weekly basis. I felt more like a failure than a success. I saw no way out and often resigned myself to the belief that things would never be different for me. That somehow I would spend the rest of my life this way.

I have never been so hopeless in my life and yet it was in this state of mind that God helped me to open my heart and hands to Him and He lovingly took what I thought would be housed in me until Heaven. When I finally saw that I truly needed no one but Him, when I finally desired Him to be the core and center of my life, when I finally fixed my eyes fully on Him I felt the effects of Psalm 107:13, 14 which says, “They cried out to the LORD in their trouble, He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death and broke their bands apart.” This week I was brought out of my darkness and the bands were broken!

I have now experienced God as my Deliverer. God did what I couldn’t do for myself. Now when I hear of other people’s problems, plights, and pain I can say with all confidence that the One who delivered me can and will deliver them also. It will be the platform on which I stand and minister from this day forward.

Father, I am in awe of You! Amen.

My Deliverer - Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmGeeNDJzx0&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Beyond What I Could Ask or Think

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20, 21 (New American Standard Bible)

Have you ever been aware of a time when God was doing something in your life that far exceeded anything you could ask for, hope for, or think? For me, that awareness usually comes after the fact.

In the spring of 2004, I attended a women’s event out of curiosity about the speaker. I had been familiar with her music ministry from the 70s and 80s but knew little of what God had been doing in her life since then. What God did that weekend far exceeded anything I could have thought to ask Him to do. It was there that I saw that His love for me was not dependent on what I was doing. It forever changed the way I was living my Christian life and started me on a journey that continues to this day.

That same year, I asked God to show me His heart in Scripture. I wanted to read His Word and know that He had a message for me within its pages. I wanted Scripture to come alive to me and work wonders in my life. With pen in hand I wrote out a paragraph of thoughts that stood out to me in a practical way. This morning I prepare to send out my 965th devotional and that far exceeds anything I could have asked for or thought up. Both my life and my devotionals have changed much over these past number of years.

Two years ago, I entered the darkest season of my life. My entire world was shaken by the stepping away of a mentor who just happened to be the speaker God used to radically change my life. The loss of her involvement in my life set me on a path of finding God’s hand to take hold of. With the help of an accountability partner I began to wade through the issues of my heart. Slowly but surely, the seeds of truth began to outnumber the embedded lies I had come to believe. I am now in the midst of seeing God once again go far beyond anything I could ask or hope for. Not only has He brought me to the place of once again taking in the teaching and listening to the music of my former mentor, but He has removed the unforgiving spirit, confusion, questions, and hurt that I have harbored for these two years. None of which I thought would happen in this life time.

This week has found me taking the first steps of freedom that at one time I doubted I would ever take. It has also increased my anticipation of what lies ahead!

Father, the darkness is gone and today the light of Your presence warms me like never before. Thank you for all the ways You have exceedingly, abundantly worked. I know that You are not finished and I am ready for the rest of the story! Amen.

Psalm 23 - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVYh63ZF_Vo

*** Special note*** If any of you are planning on attending Kathy Troccoli's concert in Fort Wayne, Indiana, tomorrow evening (Aug. 21) please let me know. I would love to meet you!

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Healthy Guidelines for Living

O Lord, by these things men live, and in all these is the life of my spirit; O restore me to health and let me live! Isaiah 38:16 (New American Standard Bible)

Isaiah 38 records the story of Hezekiah being told he was to die soon. Upon hearing this, he cried to the Lord for an extension on his life and he was granted his request. What followed his healing was a prayer that included today’s verse. His was one of desiring physical health and extended life. I read his words this morning with a desire for not only physical health but emotional and spiritual health as well.

A little over a year ago, I joined Weight Watchers and quickly saw the need to change the way I was eating. While my desire to eat right included wanting to lose weight it also entailed a life style change. Hence, the need to implement healthy guidelines into not only my eating but my activities as well. Some of those guidelines have to do with drinking water, getting in my fruits and vegetables, drinking milk, increasing my activity level, and other healthy options. One thing I have to be on guard of is my tendency to binge eat. Certain foods can open the door to incredible binges that have no positive value or outcome. Knowing this, forces me to set daily and weekly goals for myself that keep me on track and improve my health.

Recently God helped me to see that those same principles apply to my emotional and spiritual health. For the sake of my internal well being, it is imperative that I follow specific healthy guidelines designed to bring about that emotional and spiritual health. While I don’t know what that entire list looks like yet, He has given me a few to get me started. The first of which is to guard and control my thoughts. I have often found it easy to binge on wrong thoughts which can stem from unforgiveness, self- pity, wrong perceptions, and judgmental attitudes. That is a “diet” I cannot afford to continue to embrace. At present, the healthy guideline God is urging me to implement is to think on better things on purpose. To chose to redirect my thinking. There is so much I can think on that is encouraging, beneficial, and healthy for me. Things that would give me freedom in my day and in my relationships.

This is just one aspect of Him restoring my health and letting me live the abundant life of which Jesus spoke. He will forever leave the choice to me as to whether or not I apply what He tells me. He won’t force good health on me but He will certainly provide all I need to experience that health.

Father, my desire for physical, emotional, and spiritual health has finally come into agreement with Your desire. Continue to show me the guidelines for my own well being. Amen.

By Grace Alone - Maranatha Singers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6lhilgWXIE&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

The Only Opinion That Counts

Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. Romans 14:4 (New American Standard Bible)

For those of us who hunger for approval and acceptance, the opinions of others can have a hold on us if we let them. We cannot stop others from judging us or forming an opinion about us. It happened to Christ when He walked on this earth centuries ago. It happened to God’s children in both the Old and New Testament. It has happened to us all. Freedom from the effects of what others think of us is only found as we see the truth that God’s opinion is what counts. Our actions are right or wrong according to Him.

One of the most apparent times of being judged by others, for me, was when I began to seek freedom from a legalistic way of living my Christian life. Learning the truth that God’s love was not dependent on what I was doing had a huge impact on me and led to the desire to walk in freedom rather than in rigid conformity. It opened the door for me to allow God to set the boundaries and standards in my life. It paved the way for me to be accepting of things that at one time were unacceptable. I cleared away the self imposed list of does and don’ts that had defined my life and allowed God to begin to rewrite it.

For decades I had struggled in the area of music. What was appropriate to listen to and what was not? What was right and what was wrong? My view was based more on what others had told me rather than on what God told me. At one time, if the music had a beat of any kind it was deemed wrong and dangerous. Never mind individual tastes and preferences. So for decades I set aside anything of a contemporary nature. Once in a while I would attempt to break free and I would actually buy a tape or CD of “forbidden” music only to turn around and out of guilt throw it away or destroy it. This all changed in the spring of 2004. In the privacy of a guest room at my grandmother’s house, with tears I finally asked God to give me the freedom to listen to the music that ministers to me. He graciously did so and once I received His approval, the door to praise and worship music swung wide open that I had previously shut.

While I enjoyed this new found freedom with passion it came at a price. It cost me a teaching job at a Christian school as well as the respect of others as they felt I had backslid. The sting of that was only relieved as I rested in the truth that God approved of my changes whether others did or not. It will continue to be that way as other areas of my life are affected. To Him I stand or fall and by His grace I stand!

Father, continue to open the doors I have shut and backed away from. Christ came to set me free and I choose to dance in that freedom for the rest of my life. Amen.

With All I Am - Hillsong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMrAafe7Mns&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Knowing Where I Stand

No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. John 15:15 (New King James Version)

Intimacy! I still do not fully grasp God’s intimate view of me as His daughter. Through out Scripture I am given terms that define my relationship to Him. His sheep, servant, child, clay, vessel, messenger, vine, bride…..FRIEND! What does that mean? In personal terms it means one who is dear to me, one in whom I delight, one in whose company I long to be, one I talk to often, one who is on my mind a lot, one who takes priority, one whose love I am confident of, one whom I continually get to know, one who shares my heart and theirs, one who shares their world with me, and one I love with abandon.

Nothing hinders my delight in a friendship more than the uncertainty of the other person’s feelings toward me. When I perceive they no longer want a relationship with me I shut down. I no longer feel at ease to approach them because of my own fear of rejection. It is a measure of self protection that can be costly. Where once I may have felt entirely loved and accepted by them, I now expect the opposite. There is such a difference between feeling tolerated and feeling loved. Does it hurt? Yes! Is there a need for healing within myself? Absolutely! God is daily letting me know that whether my thoughts and feelings are justified or not, He must be my constant resort for comfort and renewal. While I may not always know another person’s heart, His heart is openly revealed in His Word.

For years I viewed Him as harsh, unloving, uncaring, and merely tolerating of me. I knew He loved others but felt I was not among the chosen few. How deceived I was! With such a distorted view of Him, I hesitated to seek relationship with Him. The very things that are necessary to be intimate with Him--prayer and being in His Word--were sporadic at best. I could not conceive of the fact that His endearing terms were meant for me as well. Oh, the change that came when the truth finally sunk in. He graciously opened my ears to His words of love, delight, and friendship! It changed the way I viewed Him, related to Him, and heard Him. May I never stop letting Him show me where I might still be blind to His face and deaf to His voice.

Father, all that You have to say to me, I want to digest to the fullest. With You I no longer feel insecure, uncertain, or excluded. You have called me Your friend! Amen.

The Motions - Matthew West
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaHmiFaX_pk&feature=PlayList&p=F0BA1ACD8C2BFC55&index=39

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

My Helper and Prayer Partner

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27 (New American Standard Bible)

I see two profound aspects about the Spirit of God in today’s passage. He helps me in my weaknesses and intercedes for me according to God’s will. Those truths encourage and comfort me. Why? Because I am in daily need of that help and those prayers. We all are!

The weaknesses that stood out to me yesterday were varied. Offended by something that was said to me and the way it was said, awakened in me a desire to hold on to hurt feelings rather than forgive, release, and move on. His help came in the form of reminding me of the necessity to walk in forgiveness. It is for my good. Holding on to hurt feelings affects me more than the person I choose not to forgive. Waiting until the other person sees and admits to their hurting me before I will forgive is futile at best and damaging at worst. Like one person so aptly put it, it is like me drinking poison and expecting the other person to die! Not good! Cooperation in this area required His help.

Insecurities in a relationship presented the temptation to email a long time friend for the purpose of letting her know I was in doubt of our friendship. This has been a year void of much communication and that tends to bring out the worries in me. It awakens perceptions in me that only serve to put us both in the worst possible light. Again, poison to me! Not sending the email and not spiraling into a pit of doubt and despair required His help. I feel better this morning having NOT sent the email.

As much as I need the help of the Spirit, I am in more need of His prayers. My prayers are often limited by my lack of knowledge, understanding, and view. Therefore I need the prayers of One who knows me intimately, sees life fully, and knows God’s will for everything and everyone. While I have precious prayer partners in my life, non surpass or come close to Him. Like His thoughts for me, His prayers are too numerous to count and too precious to ignore. Amazingly enough, He prays for me whether I ask Him to or not and whether I am aware of His prayers or not.

Father, thank you for the help and prayers of Your Spirit. I am in need of both! Amen.

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJODOpe_M8E&feature=PlayList&p=F0BA1ACD8C2BFC55&index=38&playnext=7&playnext_from=PL

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

The Ache of Limited Supply

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:17-18 (New International Version)

At the time of this writing of Scripture, crops and live stock were essential to ones survival and well being. A crop failure and loss of animals could be a matter of life and death. So I am struck by the closing remarks. When the supply is gone, when the sustenance of life is unavailable, rejoice and be joyful in God. I cannot say I have ever been completely without food or the bare essentials of life. I have never been in a situation where I literally did not know where my next meal was coming from. Yet as I read this passage my mind went to that which I so often rely upon….the emotional support of others. How well do I do when that support seems to be unavailable? How quick am I to rejoice in my Lord, my God, and my Savior?

This past weekend I enjoyed an opportunity to visit with a number of friends in Michigan. Some I had not seen in a number of months and some I had not seen in decades. The fellowship was sweet. The visits were encouraging. With each visit I felt loved, welcomed, and wanted. I walked away spiritually encouraged and emotionally saturated. Yet when the weekend came to a close and I was on my way back to Indianapolis, it felt as if something was slowly leaking out of me. When I was no longer face to face with sources of encouragement some longings began to resurface. Thoughts of other relationships came to mind and with them came feelings of insecurity, loneliness, and the thought I had been forgotten. Was I rejoicing then? Was I joyful in God my Savior? Not hardly! I was experiencing the all too familiar ache that comes when my external world is unable to sooth my internal world.

God had to remind me that although He will use people in profound ways in my life they cannot be who I look to in order to feel loved, whole, and healed. They cannot be my never ending source. He must be! That is when rejoicing and joy is possible. So when I am looking over the “fields” of familiar faces and the prospects of enjoying their company looks slim, I must realize that God is my present Help and constant Companion. Even when I don’t know where my next emotional meal is going to come from, He is my Source and Sustenance. In that I can rejoice! In that I can be joyful! In that I can rest!

Father, friends mean a lot to me. The absence of them affects me. You are my Friend who sticks closer than a brother. For Your unchanging ways, I praise You and joy in You! Amen.

A Love That Won't Walk Away - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uQGr4fa2Z0&feature=PlayList&p=F0BA1ACD8C2BFC55&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=32

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.