The Length and Depth of Grief

And when the days of his weeping and deep grief were past. Genesis 50:4a Amplified Bible

In the past I have witnessed vast proportions of grief in the lives of dear friends. Loss of parents, loss of pregnancies, loss of children, loss of relationships, loss of jobs, loss of health. Their pain was profound and worked through in the privacy of their own thoughts and hearts. While friends and loved ones sought to comfort, they were still left with many hours of solitude. Some are still in the throws of their grief and loss wondering if they will ever experience life as “normal” again.

Sometimes the most difficult part of pain is our misunderstanding of all that it entails. Uncertainty of what our feelings should be and how long the whole thing will take, leave us floundering.

I found comfort in Joseph’s example today. Today’s verse followed a 70 day long mourning for the death of his father. 70 days! That is a little over 2 months. And I noticed it was simply the deep grief that was past. That is not to say the grief was entirely gone. After a life time of loving someone, years of being separated, and then the joys of being reunited, how could anyone think he would walk away from grief after a mere week or two? And yet I hear account after account of people who think it should be that easy and that quick.

Grief is a process and God accomplishes much through it. We learn a lot about ourselves and about Him during that time. The deeper the grief the more profound the lessons and the greater the possibility of future ministry that will stem from it. But it takes time! The loss of my mother in February of 2000 led me into a grief process that lasted a year. The grief from the loss of a mentor in the spring of 2006 took several years to subside. While both were extremely painful they yielded rich treasures from my Father’s hand.

Today I share Isaiah 51:3 with all those who are presently experiencing their own valley of grief. “The LORD will surely comfort Zion, and will look with compassion on all her ruins; He will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing.”

Father, I trust You to make the joy, gladness, thanksgiving, and singing as profound and deep as the grief has been. Embrace my friends! Amen.

Help Me, God - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-wL7KWO8Ys

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

When God Causes Grief

For if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant loving kindness. Let us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the LORD. Lamentations 3:32, 40 (New American Standard Bible)

There are times I come across a passage of Scripture that speaks volumes to me. Such is the case with today’s verses. I have known grief caused by the Lord…or at least caused by what He has done. I am at a place whereby I can thank Him for it and mean it, but that has not always been the case. For a year and a half He took me through the process of self examination and probing. It was painful, confusing, frustrating, and difficult, but it was necessary in order for me to fully come to Him and return to His ways.

God knows how easily I can seek satisfaction apart from Him. He loves me too much to allow that to happen. Hence, He will remove my props one by one in order to turn my focus and heart back to Himself. It is only in seeing this that I can eventually thank Him for what has caused me grief. For me it has been a process of confronting my idolatry, repenting of that idolatry, and returning to Him. The change has been slow but steady.

The reasons for grief are varied. As I have been reading through the book of Lamentations, grief was a result of sin and rebellion. Even with that, though, God’s desire was the same. He longed for His people to return to Him and live in relationship with Him.

Grief may also come because of the harshness and reality of life. The death of a loved one, difficult health issues, financial loss, unemployment, etc… Whatever the grief, the directive is the same. Know that God will have compassion if He has allowed the grief. We have His word on that and God ALWAYS fulfills His promises. Examine yourself and probe the way you are living. Ask God to show you what things in your life need to change. Cooperate with what He tells you. What you cannot bring yourself to do, ask Him to do for you. The removal of my idol was definitely done by God. I praise Him for doing what I couldn’t do. Finally, know that the ultimate goal is for you to return to Him for restoration of the relationship He longs to have with you.

Remember this, nothing is wasted. There is buried treasure in the caverns of grief and God wants you to discover them. I have recently begun to see the sparkle of those treasures. The joy I thought would never return is making its way into my life once again.

Father, the way has not been easy but it has been worth it. I praise You for the grief You allowed and where it has led me so far. Amen.

Were it not for Grace
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3qrFwQOJ8A&feature=related

I welcome your questions and comments to any devotional thoughts. I am honored and delighted to share my journey with you and privileged to hear of yours.

He Still Knows What it is Like

He was despised and rejected and forsaken by men, a Man of sorrows and pains, and acquainted with grief and sickness; and like One from Whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we did not appreciate His worth or have any esteem for Him. Isaiah 53:3 (Amplified Bible)

What is it you take to Jesus today? Is it ever feelings of being seen as worthless and contemptible by others? Rejection and physical or mental pain? Grief and sickness of soul? Feelings of being forgotten, forsaken, and unthought of? We live in a fallen world in the midst of fallen people. Their negative words and actions toward us can often shape the view we have of ourselves and leave us feeling deeply hurt and in pain. If that is you this morning, Jesus has a message for you from today’s verse.

He wants you to know that He experienced the same thing when He walked on this earth and although it was to a greater extent, it does not minimize in His eyes the depth of what you are feeling. He does not let you know of His painful experiences in order to down play or down size your own, but rather to let you know He understands more than any one the full extent of your grief, pain, and difficulty. He, more than anyone, enters into your situation and stays with you. From Him you will never receive unattentiveness, disinterest, or distraction. He gives to you what no person was fully able to give to Him…undivided attention and a full knowledge of where and why you are hurting.

He also wants you to know the words of Isaiah 53:3 not only describe what He experienced here on earth over two centuries ago, but it is what He still experiences from mankind even in the present. He is still despised and rejected by the very ones He reaches out to. He is still fully acquainted with grief and sorrow of heart. He still has people who turn away from him, lack appreciation for Him, and think little of Him. And He feels the way we feel when it happens to us. So when you pour your heart out to Him and share the sorrow with Him, He knows and is filled with compassion for you.

He knows that in this world we have trouble. He knows that we respond to the things we hear, see, feel, and taste of this life. He knows how fragile our internal world is. He knows we lack the ability to see beyond our present circumstances. That is why this morning, I can picture a hurting person being held by Jesus. Gently rocked and tenderly spoken to like a mother with a small child. Held closely and being told, “Precious child of Mine, I hurt with you and I speak My peace and compassion over you.” If we let Him, He will speak the words we need to hear. They will be like balm to our soul. Words of healing and wholeness. Words of understanding. He is a personal God who knows us intimately and takes in every detail of our life.

Jesus, I lift up hurting individuals to You. Convey to them the full meaning of my words this morning. Speak to them as only You can. Amen.

When Others Hurt

I also could speak as you do, if your soul were in my soul’s place. I could heap up words against you, and shake my head at you. But I would strengthen you with my mouth, and the comfort of my lips would relieve your grief. Job 16:4,5 NKJV

When we experience difficulty, loss, or grief in any amount we long for someone to come along side us to strengthen and comfort us with their words. Often the ones to do that best are the ones who have been in our place of pain. They bear the scars, recall the wounds, and know the ache. They reach out to us in a way that very few can. It goes beyond mere sympathy or pity. They KNOW how we feel and actually enter into our situation emotionally. With them we feel safe to open up and verbalize what is going on inside us. We know they will not think less of us, label us, or brush us off. We know we will see in their eyes and hear in their words a kindred spirit. They will connect with us in a special way because our story will have traces of their own.

God has been faithful to bring such individuals into my life at just the right moments. While He assures me He will walk through all difficulties with me, He also lets me know He will bring others along side of me to listen, empathize, and speak words of healing to me. I can always tell that they have been where I am at. Their circumstances may have been different but the effects were the same. Because of what God has brought them through, they now walk with wisdom and love. They are willing to open their arms, hearts, and ears to others who hurt. May God bless them and increase their kind on the earth.

I want to join their ranks! Knowing how they have ministered to me, I now want to minister to others. It will require some things. It will mean being open to the needs of others. Allowing God to show me when someone is hurting and being willing to invest the time to hear their story, sense their pain, and speak words that will comfort and relieve. Letting them know I have been where they are at and assuring them they will be okay will validate their feelings and give them hope. I rest in the fact that my past experiences will keep my words from sounding hollow and heartless. Each time I am able to reach out to another individual who is hurting and sense that it is helping will be an opportunity for God to redeem my own story of loss or pain. I will see Him graciously giving me beauty for ashes! They in turn will someday do the same.

Father, thank you for each person who has reached out to me during the darkest times of my life. Their words and actions made a profound difference to me. Help me to now be that to others. Open my eyes, ears, and heart to the hurting, hopeless, and helpless. Amen.

Claiming or Proclaiming the Promise

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5 (NKJV)

For the believer, both aspects of this verse are theirs to experience in life. Weeping is a reality for each one of us and joy is the promise we know will come to pass. If I had the opportunity to visit with any one of you, I know that you would be able to share with me many nights of weeping that you have faced. Some of you may be experiencing them even as you read this devotional. If so, I give to you the promise of coming joy! Some of you are experiencing that joy right now and you are attesting to the truth of that promise. Which ever the case may be, David has an exceptional list in Psalm 30 that can be our proclamation of praise! We can say it with anticipation of the coming joy or with gratitude for the present reality of that joy. Will you join me as I express to God the truth of what He HAS done or the truth of what He WILL do? For we are either seeing what’s coming or experiencing it right now! Either way we glory in Him. With that in mind, let’s review the list.

I will extol You, O LORD, for You have lifted me up! You healed me! You brought my soul up out of the grave! You have kept me alive! You have made my mountain to stand strong! You have turned my mourning into dancing! You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness! Therefore, I will give You thanks forever! Oh, how I would love to hear the stories behind those proclamations!

And for those of you who are still in your night of weeping, your list would be spoken in the future tense. I will extol You, O LORD, for You will lift me up! You will heal me! You will bring my soul up out of the grave! You will keep me alive! You will make my mountain to stand strong! You will turn my mourning into dancing! You will put off my sackcloth and clothe me with gladness! Therefore, even in the midst of my tears, I will give You thanks forever! How precious that some of you will express those thoughts with broken hearts and tear-filled eyes. May your joy be soon forthcoming!

Like you, I have known the weeping and the joy! In the midst of both He is worthy to be praised and I trust Him still.

Father, You have walked with me through sorrow and danced with me in gladness. I desire no other Partner but You! Amen.

Expressing a Need

Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death; tarry ye here, and watch with me. Matthew 26:38 (KJV)

I am trying to recall times in Scripture when Jesus voiced a need to others. Asking the Samaritan woman for a drink of water at a well was one rare example. Usually it was Jesus listening to, observing, and meeting the needs of the multitudes. Many were the times He slipped off into solitude with His heavenly Father while others slept. We do not read of times where He sought the companionship and ears of friends. Even He said He had not come to be served but to serve. Occasionally we read of people ministering to Him in profound ways. But I am struck by the rarity that Jesus ever made His personal needs known.

What a contrast I find in Matthew 26:38. Overwhelmed with sorrow and deeply grieved He requests the company and understanding sympathy of three disciples….His closest inner circle of friends. He was asking them to invest themselves in His life by entering into His personal suffering. He longed for them to accompany Him as He entered His valley of death. Yet He knew that even as He voiced His need, they would soon give way to sleep. Grief is made even more profound when loneliness is added to it.

How we ache for someone to walk with us through the difficulties of life. We want their attention, empathy, understanding, support, presence, and shoulder. We want to feel their arm around us and to hear their words of comfort and assurance. We draw a certain amount of strength because they walk beside us. I have known such individuals and I thank God for each one of them. I also know the heartache when individuals were unable or unwilling to provide me with such gifts. I just as quickly recall giving or withholding the things others needed from me.

The longer I am on this journey with God, the more I realize He is the One to whom I must look to “tarry and watch” with me. As a matter of fact, it has been His desire all along. For He alone knows the depth of my particular sorrow and He alone is fully able to enter into that sorrow with me. My expressed need will never be met with disinterest, distraction, or sleep. What He sought from His disciples in the garden is what He graciously offers to me.

Father, I marvel that You meet my heartache and sorrow with such compassion, warmth, and availability. May I be like You. Amen.

Touching the Heart of God

When the Lord saw her, He felt compassion for her, and said to her, “Do not weep.” Luke 7:13 NASB

The stage is being set for a miracle. What has touched the very seat of Jesus’ emotions and affections? A widow who now grieves the loss of her only son! The NIV says His heart went out to her. Can you digest the tenderness of this scene? I have often heard it said that when we are in sorrow or distress, God’s tears mingle with our own. That is exactly what I see happening in this verse. Jesus doesn’t just feel sorry for the woman, He enters into the grief with her.

Think of the last time you grieved over something. Your chest could barely contain the pain, the tears flowed unceasingly, and you were consumed with such a cloud of heaviness that you feared you would never feel anything but grief again. It may have been the loss of something or someone dear to you. It may have been unalterable, horrible circumstances in your life. It may have been so wounding to you, that even now you struggle to put it into words. Got the picture? Now in that time, what did you sense Jesus doing? If you do not see Him as compassionate with you as He was with this widow, then there is work to be done!

I am moved by the fact that Jesus is about to do something radical. Not as a response to a person’s faith and not even in answer to a request that has been made of Him. He is about to intervene on behalf of this woman strictly out of compassion. How tender! But may I be so bold as to suggest that even when there is faith involved or a request being given, Jesus still acts on our behalf out of compassion.

He walked this earth for a little over thirty years as God in the flesh. During that time He experienced sorrow, loneliness, pain, rejection, loss, and a host of other deep emotions. That is why He is able to enter into our sorrows with us. He knows how we feel because He knows how all of THAT feels. Each time we go through a time of grief He looks at us with compassion and quietly says, “Don’t cry.” The next time you experience what I am talking about, invite Him into the place where you are hurting. Then get ready to experience comfort and compassion in a whole new way!

Father, there are times I need to know the kind of compassion that You give so abundantly. I am learning to cry on Your shoulder and I am always touched by Your response to my grief. Amen.