The Exposing of Disbelief

Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; for I fear him, that he will come and attack me and the mothers with the children. Genesis 32:11(New American Standard Bible)

Twenty years had separated Jacob and Esau’s past and future. Jacob left home with a brother who was angry enough to kill him. No contact had been made between them in all that time. As far as Jacob was concerned, Esau was still seething with rage. He feared the worst…complete annihilation of himself and his family. Yet, this verse which houses his words of fear is sandwiched between his recollection of God’s promise to prosper him and his descendents. Jacob did what we so often can find ourselves doing…he voiced truth without embracing it. Fear rather than faith was what ruled him and fueled his actions.

As I read further in this passage, I see Jacob planning and plotting his own story of redemption (Genesis 32:20). His actions reveal to me his core belief: God needs my help to insure my safety. He cannot be trusted to do what He promised. It is up to me to defend myself. Jacob had learned early on to take matters into his own hands rather than place those matters into the hands of God and trust Him to do what is best. He proclaimed truth, prayed for deliverance, and then moved full speed ahead with his own agenda.

I am learning to listen to the conflicting statements I and others can make when referring to God and His ways. Whether spoken out loud or whispered in our heart, we can proclaim a truth about God and then follow it with thoughts and feelings that contradict what we just said. On the surface we believe God is loving, kind, and in control. Deep down inside we fear He is disinterested, angry, absent, and uninvolved. That we are low on His priority list. We do not see the big picture therefore we limit God and either begin to scheme or live with a sense of despair and hopelessness. Why do I say this? Because until I admit what is really going on in my heart and mind I will not be free to move beyond that way of living my Christian life….and neither will you.

God knows my insecurities and doubts. He knows what turns my trust to mush. He knows what disheartens and discourages me. He knows it all and He is using the hard places of this life to help me to see what to do with all of it. He longs to bring me to the place where what I say I believe is what I really believe. It is what I really live. Is it hard? Absolutely! I don’t like to see how far from life changing faith I am but God loves me too much to allow me to live any longer with deception. He is after my heart and desiring that I live in intimate relationship with Him. In order for that to happen, He has to expose and dismantle the falsehoods of my perceived faith. Authentic faith is the goal and He is the One who will get me to that point.

Father, keep showing me where my faith and my feelings collide. My steps are tenuous on this journey but I praise You when each one is taken. Amen.

Do I Trust You Lord - Twila Paris
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV1ZY7AWNdY

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Asking the Right Question

And they came to Him and woke Him, saying, "Save us, Lord; we are perishing!" He said to them, "Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it became perfectly calm. The men were amazed, and said, "What kind of a man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?" Matthew 8:25-27 (New American Standard Bible)

Jesus’ question has always intrigued me and at times confused me. In the midst of a storm which produced waves big enough to cover the ship they were in, He is awoken by disciples who are sure they are going to die! He does not ask what the problem is (He already knows). Instead He gets to the heart of the problem….their fear and amount of faith. The fear was bigger than their faith. Jesus was not denying the reality of the storm but rather, He was helping them see that they had a bigger problem than the storm….their perception of what that storm would do to them and their belief that Jesus was unaware of their plight. Both produced a tremendous amount of fear. Their greatest fear was death even though the Giver and Sustainer of life was in their midst!

I am learning to ask myself questions that get to the heart of the problem as well. When life gets messy and my internal world shifts into a storm of emotions, it is time for me to reevaluate my thought process. If I am sad, there is a reason. If I feel hopeless, there is a reason. If I feel frustrated, there is a reason. I am responding to circumstances and drawing faulty conclusions based more on my emotions and feelings than on faith and truth. I am good at it too!

I will give the disciples credit, they went to Jesus with their fear….they had no other choice. I am learning how to do that. Learning to see truth in the light of Scripture and allowing that truth to rule me instead of the emotions. It may be as simple as being reminded that God has not abandoned me, that I am cared for, that His plans and purposes for my life will be fulfilled. It may be as simple as admitting I really don’t know what others are thinking or what the end of the story is for me. It may be as simple as voicing the truth out loud in order to silence the voices within. The moment I do so, the calming of the “storm” happens and like the disciples, I am AMAZED! Amazed that it works. Amazed that it has taken me so many years to learn. Amazed that truth is more powerful than my perceptions. Amazed that this is changing the way I live my life…..all areas of my life.

In this life, I will not reach a point whereby the storms of life do not have an effect on me…no more than I will reach a point whereby I could be cut and not bleed. What amazes me is that the effect no longer has to last!

Father, I am in awe of You and Your ways. May You never cease to amaze me and may I never cease to praise You! Amen.

The Voice of Truth - Casting Crowns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaVg0cWkgAw

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Known and Unknown Appointed Times

“Is anything too difficult for the LORD? At the appointed time I will return to you, at this time next year, and Sarah will have a son." Genesis 18:14 (New American Standard Bible)

Abraham was given specifics about Sarah having a baby…the time frame as well as the gender! Their waiting would soon be over, their family dynamics would be different, and their desire (which they had given up hoping for) would be fulfilled. They were given the specifics, but many of our Bible ancestors were not. Many waited and wondered, thinking maybe their situations would never change…their desires would never be realized. Yet the day came when God seemed to suddenly change everything for them. Moses went from shepherding sheep to shepherding God’s people out of Egypt. Joseph went from prison to the palace. David went from years of running to sitting on the throne of Israel. Ruth went from gleaning in the fields as a means of survival to marrying the owner of the field and being a generational link in the line of Christ. Saul went from persecuting Christians to preaching the Gospel of Christ to all he could and writing many of the books of the New Testament. The list goes on and as it does my heart is encouraged!

I work in an education warehouse and absolutely love my job. It is a far cry from my days as an elementary school teacher in a Christian school but it allows me the opportunity to use my God given gifts and abilities which are needed as an inventory control clerk. Yet, I will admit there are days that I wonder, “Is there anything beyond this for me?”

I have spent the past four years writing and sending out email devotionals. I am convinced this is exactly what I am meant to do. Very few things in life give me the pleasure derived from seeing truths, sharing truths, and hearing that others were encouraged by those truths. Without really knowing how many read the devotionals I rest in the fact that God brings them across the computer screens of those who need their message. Yet, once again, I will admit there are days that I wonder, “Is this the extent of the writings?”

If I am not careful, I will allow my thinking to lead to despair and hopelessness. Feelings of insignificance will rule me. So what do I do when I long for more but am not sure what is in the future for me? I hold on to the truths that I know. God is faithful and will fulfill all of His desires for me. For the present I am to simply remain faithful in what He calls me to do. If a change does come, He already has an appointed time for that change even though He has not made it known to me. My significance is found in Him rather than in what I do for Him. It is by these truths that I can then live passionately and confidently from day to day.

Father, You know what I would choose to do if I could write the script of my life. Yet Your ways and thoughts are higher than my own so I choose to live in anticipation of Your will for me unfolding in Your time. Amen.

In His Time - Maranatha Singers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo-rGzx2OZk&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

When I Am Afraid

What time I am afraid, I will have confidence in and put my trust and reliance in You. Psalm 56:3 (Amplified Bible)

Fear can be for a moment or a life time. It can cause us to freeze in our tracks or get completely off track. It can appear to be real and substantial. Even if we know in our heads it is from the enemy it can still affect and defect us. Like the tongue, it can be a small piece of our life with huge ramifications.

God’s answer? David’s answer? Our answer? Place our confidence, trust, reliance and hope in the One who created us, cares for us, and sustains us. He is dependable…our thoughts and emotions are not. He is reliable…our perceptions are not. He is trustworthy….our hearts and minds are not.

True faith is based not on how I feel, what I think, or how I see things. It is based on who God is and what His Word says about Him. It is based on His knowledge of any given situation. It is based on His ability, character, and heart.

So when I am afraid of failure…I will trust in Him. When I am afraid of losing the people closest to me…I will trust in Him. When I am afraid of making a wrong turn or wrong choice…I will trust in Him. When I am afraid of the unknown…I will trust in Him. When I am afraid of honest disclosure…I will trust in Him. When I am afraid I will never break free of the persistent stronghold of wrong perceptions….I will trust in Him. When I am afraid that I am too convinced of lies to embrace the truth…I will trust in Him. When I am afraid that I will always struggle with relationships…I will trust in Him. When the enemy of my soul has me convinced otherwise…I will trust in Him. When I am afraid that God will remove the things or people I am sure I cannot live without…I will trust in Him. When I am afraid that I am back on square one with God…I will trust in Him.

I know this, when what I will to do is aligned with God’s will it is sure to succeed. Every time I say I will trust in God, I am making a decision to choose Him and His ways. I am not always good at that and not always sure of myself, but He is faithful. He is with me. He is mine.

Father, Your presence alone is what will dispel the fear that can so easily encase me in its grip. Hold me and help me to trust You more. Amen.

Spirit Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWEDBaFy0SI

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.


　

When I Do Not Understand

Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.” John 13:7 (New King James Version)

I like Peter. He asks the questions every one else is pondering. Today’s verse is in response to his questioning of Jesus washing the disciples’ feet just hours before He would be arrested and later die on the cross. Jesus’ actions made no sense to Peter or the other disciples. Many are the times we question what God is doing and Jesus’ answer to Peter becomes our answer as well. “You do not understand now what I am doing but you will later on.”

Often times our ability to perceive what God is doing and why God is doing it is limited. For one, we are unable to see the full picture and we misunderstand God’s time frame. We attempt to figure it all out but in the end we don’t have a clue and when we try to ‘force’ our own interpretation into the situation we become like a little child trying to force a puzzle piece into the wrong place. Frustration and even anger can mark our path when we strain at God‘s un-understandable ways.

I look back at Bible characters and take note that they rarely understood what God was doing in their life. Joseph in prison for years. Ruth gleaning in the fields. Moses tending sheep in the wilderness. Mary and Martha at the funeral of their brother, Lazarus. Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth enduring years of infertility. In each case, they were being prepared and poised for a miracle! Joseph to be Prime Minister of Egypt. Ruth to marry Boaz and be part of the lineage of Christ. Moses to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt. Mary and Martha to see Lazarus’ resurrection. Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth to give birth to significant children….Abraham, Samuel, and John the Baptist. Their lack of understanding in no way rendered God powerless.

I have like the song by Twila Paris called “A Heart That Knows You.” A phrase stands out to me that references not understanding. "It may be for my sake just to help me grow. Maybe for Your kingdom, Lord. I don’t have to know." When I can voice those words back to Him it will evidence a heart that really does know Him even when I don’t understand.

Father, my understanding of what You are doing will not be complete until I see You face to face. Thank you for the grace to trust even when I don’t comprehend. I rest in the knowledge of You. Amen.

Warrior is a Child/ Do I Trust You - Twila Paris
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Pzu-jWpcdw

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

A Point of Truth

As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God? Psalm 42:1,2 (New American Standard Bible)

David describes a longing of the heart. Every expectation. Every desire. Every pursuit. All directed toward God and found in God. I admire people like that. Those who have not only learned to place their hopes and expectations in God but live it daily. They reap the reward of finding their identity, security, and meaning of life in Christ. God is truly their source and center. They look to Him passionately, abide in Him joyfully, and pursue Him vigorously.

God has brought me to a point of truth within the past few hours. It followed an exercise whereby I was listing my expectations, disappointments, belief system, ruling passions, and subsequent behavior in regards to the relationships I have or desire to have with significant people. It took writing out my thoughts on several sheets of notebook paper for the truth to finally make its way into my heart. I have known bits and pieces of that truth for quite some time but the full impact hit me with force.

The truth I have come to acknowledge is that my expectations and longings have always been directed toward people. Thirty-six years ago, I sought God for the salvation of my soul and knew Heaven would be my eventual home. In that time I have learned much about God and even been excited about the things I learned. Yet my desires have often been more directed toward people. Looking to them to help me, heal me, and fix me. Looking to them to fill the voids of my life. Flesh and blood always seemed more tangible to me than turning to God for the same thing. I have lived most of my adult life in a cycling mode….look to people, expect certain things from them, live with disappointment at their inability to fulfill my expectations, and resume the search for one who could. All the while not knowing how to direct that search toward God Himself. Not knowing how to allow Him to be to me what I wanted people to be.

As beautiful as David’s words are in today’s passage, they remained foreign to me. I had yet to experience the reality of them in my own life. Tears mingled with joy as I expressed that to God with a longing and desire for Him. To finally be dependent on Him. To finally open my heart to receive all that He has been offering and longing to give me. This is new for me. I have had slight tastes of it before but never a full blown meal!

Six years ago I came to see that God’s love was not dependent on what I was doing. Today, I begin to live in that love! To be changed by it, impacted by it, and refreshed by it. It is starting with releasing others from my unrealistic expectations of them and placing those expectations on God.

Father, I am beside myself with anticipation, hope, and delight. I have finally learned to let You into the places I kept reserving for others. Forgive me for such resistance. My longings are toward You now. Amen.

All I Once Held Dear - Robin Mark
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGbuz8QuhmE

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Be My Helper

"Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me; O LORD, be my helper." Psalm 30:10 (New American Standard Bible)

There are times when no one in your life can help you but God. Even if someone asked you to explain and share your deepest thoughts the words would remain stuck inside of you. There are times when the emotional roller coasters don’t seem to stop long enough for you to catch your breath before the ride starts all over again.

I am a talker by nature and enjoy laughter. I grew up in a household that was filled with both. But all that talking and all that laughter lacked the sharing of true feelings, needs, emotions, and hurts. At a very young age I learned to keep much of my thoughts and feelings to myself. Something told me people either wouldn’t be interested in what I had to say or they would respond negatively toward it. I can count on one hand the number of times I remember showing tears to anyone in my family. Tears were meant to be hidden and shed in secret. It was safer that way.

What I have come to realize as an adult is when our emotions and feelings are buried as a child we can often struggle to be open and honest with those around us. The simple question of “how are you?” is always answered with “fine” even when inside we are in turmoil. The question persists as to whether or not we should take the risk and share how we are really feeling with those closest to us. And when we do share we eventually wonder if we have shared too much. We ponder whether the person we are talking to is slowly getting a picture of us that will one day cause them to walk away. I have heard it said that the greatest fears a person can have are abandonment and rejection. I have to ask myself at what age was that seed of fear implanted in me. When did I lose the ability to trust? When did I allow perceptions to dominate my thinking and wreak havoc in my relationships?

I don’t have the answers to those questions but I know the One who does. I know He intends more for me than I am experiencing. I know He is moving Heaven and Earth to develop in me a childlike trust in Himself and those He has brought into my life. I know it will be worth it when it finally happens. I also know I strain at the process and grieve at my own lack of cooperation. In moments like this the unchanging and unconditional love of God is what I find comforting and amazing. He holds all the answers and He holds me. At this moment, I find solace in Him.

Father, when I struggle with my thoughts, only You can calm the storm. Only You. Amen.

Help Me God - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmSSWHO8ueA

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.