Necessary Awareness

Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to God. John 13:3 (KJV)

I have recently watched a couple episodes of American Idol. One thing stands out to me above all other things with that show. It is the misdirected trust the contestants place in the hands of the judges. They not only come with their dreams to succeed, they build their identity, worth, and value on what those judges think of them.

I ache for them because they remind me of myself and all the times I have looked to people to tell me who I was and what I was worth. Their opinion of me became the determining factor of how I viewed myself. I had yet to learn what Jesus knew! His total identity was found in the relationship He had with His Father. He knew that every thing in His life passed from His Father’s hands to His hands…..the joys as well as the sorrows. He knew where He came from and where He was going. Nothing in this life could take away or add to what He knew to be true.

I have found there is only one way for God to instill that kind of knowledge in me. It is in drawing me aside in solitude with Himself. He has spent the last year removing anything or anyone from my life that would hinder me from knowing Him and hence knowing who I really am. He knew what I was clinging to for security, identity, assurance, significance, and belonging. As He would purposefully pry each idol from my closed hands I responded with tears, fear, and dejection. I did not understand why He was doing what He was doing….until now. His ways seemed harsh and unloving at the time. But I have finally come to realize His desire all along was to get me to look to Him, know Him, and embrace Him. That is not possible if anything else stands in the way, has my attention, or holds my heart. He was simply clearing the way so we could finally be together.

I am still in a wilderness place with Him but I am beginning to see signs of life, evidence of growth, and the reality of His presence. My tears are being replaced with joy, my fears are being replaced with confidence, and my loneliness is being replaced with His companionship.

Father, You give and You take away in love. Continue to remove any thing from my life that distracts me from knowing You. I open my hands to release any thing or any one I am holding on to in place of You. Amen.