Asking Why

Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God. Psalm 42:11 (New King James Version)

When we start asking the “why” questions, we open ourselves up to the answers that seem to have eluded us. David knew His hope and help was in God and yet he still asked why. He wanted to know why turmoil brewed inside him like stew in a caldron.

I am asking some why questions. Why do I keep finding myself in co-dependent relationships? Why do I fear abandonment, rejection, and being invisible? Why do I look to food and people to sooth, comfort, and fix me? Why do I crave attention so much? Why did the stepping away of a former mentor hurt so badly? Why does it still hurt? Why does disappointment have such a profound affect on me? Why do I shut down, withdraw, and self condemn when my emotions spiral? Why doesn’t taking in biblical truth equal change for me?

I am at a point where I no longer know who to ask the questions to. I know that people have been used of God greatly in my life. I would not be who I am today without their involvement and help. Yet, the very ones God has used the most have been addictions to me as I have leaned on them emotionally in ways that have not been healthy or balanced. I see that and yet to release them from being responsible for my emotional well being fills me such fear. Fear of being forgotten. Fear of being invisible. Fear of being alone.

I want to say with David to hope in God and praise Him for being my help. I want that to take away the ache. Something blocks that from happening. I don’t know what a life secure in God looks like. I know the security is promised but I don’t know why I have yet to fully embrace it. I don’t know why people still play such vital roles in my life. For now, I will ask God. In time, He may just lead an individual across my path who knows how to lead me to the answers.

Father, may the fact that my hope is in You and my help is in You be more than lofty thoughts. May they become my reality. Amen.

You Raise Me Up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rkkw8RhH9ck

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.