Looking for the Balance

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18 (New American Standard Bible)

It has always puzzled me that when Adam had only God and the animals in the Garden of Eden God said it wasn’t good for him to be alone. As one who battles dependency issues on a daily basis, God’s words spoken about Adam confuse me. I keep thinking God is suppose to be enough. God is suppose to be all I need. There is the pull toward others but I am told it is an idol of my heart. I am told that God gives us people in our life to encourage us, help us, strengthen us, and love us. Yet when I look for those things I am told to get my eyes back on Jesus. There seems to be a limit and I feel I am always stepping over that limit.

As a child, I never thought I loved people too much. All I know is that I enjoyed friendships. As an adult, I am told to come to Jesus like a child and live out my Christian life in child likeness. Yet when it comes to relationships I feel I am asked to live on a college level. Accept help from others but don’t look to them to be your help. Fellowship is necessary for us but don’t get excited over it. Interactions with others has become an area of my life that lacks freedom and spontaneity. I feel I am constantly tightening the reigns on my natural longings and desires. I am told to be myself. Be the person God made me and yet for the most part that entails denial of how I think and feel and a holding back.

God said it was not good for man to be alone and yet I feel like I am suppose to live isolated from anyone who is special to me. Relationships are like a swinging pendulum to me….always going from one extreme to the next. So where do I find a balance? Realize it is not an either/or choice between God and people. People are God’s gift and He wants me to come to place of being able to appreciate and accept those gifts of friendship with Him at the center. When I meet with a friend it is really a three-some…me, the person, and God. God is not upset that I delight in the ones He crosses my path with. My relationship with others is meant to be a good thing. At times, people are used to fill the voids and holes in my life. I just want to be at peace with that rather than live with a sense of condemnation and failure. I want to find the balance between relationships with people and my relationship with God. May God speak His “not good” over every wrong conclusion I draw.

Father, help me to see that my walk with You includes (not excludes) others. Settle my mind and my heart on this issue. I bring my questions to You for only You can supply the answers. Amen.

For Good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzrGFQysfYU

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Means for Encouragement

By all this we are encouraged. 2 Corinthians 7:13 (New International Version)

Have you ever known someone who never seemed to have a bad day? They seemed to walk in victory 24/7. They seemed to handle sin, sorrow, and difficulties with confidence and ease. I have naively believed that to be the case with a few people. I finally asked a woman whom I greatly admire if she ever struggled with the issues of life. I was profoundly struck by her answer. Knowing that I was under the assumption that she was above the struggles, she let me know that she faces many struggles and (like every one else) has to apply the truths and principles of God’s Word to her life on a DAILY basis. Her admittance to me served as an encouragement that struggles do not mean I am failing, they mean I am simply breathing and still living in a fallen world with a sin nature.

So knowing this, what is it that encourages me? God is reminding me of a number of things that He uses to help me when life gets hard and tears water the path I am on. I turn to them often out of necessity. My internal world will not see growth or change without them. Let me share them with you.

Music! In the early part of 2004 I asked God to give me the freedom to listen to music that ministers to me. What I didn’t realize at the time was how powerfully music would do just that. There are so many songs available today that were written out of difficult circumstances and they serve as balm for my soul on a continual basis.

Believers! I am encouraged by the walk of other Christians. When I hear their stories and see how far God has brought them, my faith is strengthened that He will work in me as well. I marvel that at one time they voiced the very things I voice today. The radical change I see in them causes me to cry out to God for the same to be done in my own life.

Honesty! When I come before God, stripped of all pretenses, pretending, and facades, I open myself up to His encouragement. As I have learned to pour out my heart to Him and admit what is really going on inside, He has comforted me and given me a fresh supply of joy for my sadness. The exchange is always refreshing!

Scripture! For too much of my Christian life I rarely opened Scripture on a daily basis and when I did I failed to apply it to my life. Speaking His Word over my circumstances and implementing it into my prayer life has been the catalyst for growth and change. There is no encouragement without it!

Father, I have not listed all the ways You encourage me but these have been profound. They are a part of my connection with You that keeps expanding. Amen.

Everlasting God - Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgyokeWf54k

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Losing Sight of Others

He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30 (King James Version)

John’s words were clear and to the point to any who looked to him as their leader, guide, teacher, or source. The Message Bible puts it this way, This is the assigned moment for him to move into the center, while I slip off to the sidelines. The NIV puts it this way, He must become greater; I must become less. However it reads, the truth I must grasp is the necessity to fix my attention on Jesus more than on His messengers and servants. It is an ongoing struggle for me to do so. I know myself too well. I have a propensity toward becoming enamored with people. I have experienced making significant people the center of my world and I have experienced the pain of having that world crumble. I am not proud of this aspect of myself but I am aware of it and honest about it. I see it for what it is and desire change.

This weekend I had the privilege of attending a Beth Morre simulcast. Of all the things I took away with me (and there was plenty to take away) the most profound aspect was a prayer I have begun to voice to God. My prayer is that He would give me a heart that delights in Him, is enamored with Him, excited about Him, passionate for Him, and fully captivated by Him. I long for Him to not only be the center of my world but to be my world! As far as I am concerned, there is no other way to pull my heart away from people and on to Himself. The idols of my heart will not lose their grip on me or place in me until He takes center stage.

Recently, God has begun showing me aspects of my heart, addictions, and longings, and the view is not pretty. The issues are many and at times over whelming. I feel like a small child holding a large tangled ball of yarn. If left on my own, untangling it is too daunting. Today was a day I lifted the ball of yarn to Jesus and, with tears streaming down my face, asked Him to help me straighten out the mess. I am desperate to be whole and healed. I am hungry to know what it is like to walk in freedom with a sense of security and identity that can only be found in Christ.

The journey I am on has taken a turn. I use to view it as a path to walk on in various terrains. Now it has become a frozen pond on which to skate. I have the skates on and am on the pond. But learning to skate entails many falls and hard landings. I am aware that the ability to stay up and move more gracefully will come with time. For now, each time I fall must be followed by a decision to stand up again. To try again. To get a little further. Each time.

Father, the support beams have been removed once again. You are my hope. Teach me to look to You. Help me to delight in You and live with the awareness that You delight in me. I stand up again and move forward. Amen.

You Are My All In All - Dennis Jernigan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9Up58OEtps

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

A Private vs. Public Display

Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they neglect their appearance so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face so that your fasting will not be noticed by men, but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. Matthew 6:16-18 (New American Standard Bible)

The Pharisees of Jesus’ day wanted to be seen and noticed by others. Matthew 6 gives three instances where their public performance was exposed. Their righteous acts, benevolence toward the poor, and fasting were on display for all to see….they made sure of it. Sometimes it was with trumpets and fanfare. Sometimes it was with their countenance and appearance. Something in them needed the attention. Something in them needed others to know what they were doing. What should have been private acts and known only to God and themselves became the drama on their stage of life.

Yesterday, I asked God about my own tendencies toward public displays. I asked Him why it was that I often need others to know when I am struggling with emotional issues….to know I am sad, fearful, or distraught. It is not that I necessarily tell them with my words as much as show them with a gloomy face, slumped shoulders, and noticeable silence. Something in me was choosing this route of behavior and putting a stop to it would not come without God’s revelation.

God proceeded to take me down a trail of reasoning that astounded me. It went as such. I show the sadness so sympathy and attention from others will be evoked. It makes me feel cared for and loved. The need for what I deem as love drives my behavior. It is just one aspect of trying to fill the holes in my soul with what I can derive from others rather than what I can receive from my Father. Once I saw the reason, God graciously gave me a step of obedience to take in order to begin correcting my behavior. His words to me were, “Pam, you must begin practicing a disposition that does not let others know you are having a bad day. In your smile, voice, and body language you must display My joy and peace that resides in you. Those simple changes will be what I use to actually change your heart and mind. This is the beginning of you losing your bent toward living out of your neediness. Trust Me and obey.” With joy I am here to tell you that it works! I was amazed that when my face and voice changed it lead to internal changes. It is a kingdom principle I am seeing for the first time and I want to embrace it!

With that said, I do want to clarify that there are times when it is appropriate to show sadness. The loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, and true devastations of life are some of those times. The personal example I gave had more to do with showing sadness as a way to simply feed off the sympathy of others for the sake of emotions. Of THAT I seek to be free!

Father, I praise You for showing me the things I need to know. How I have lived my life up to this point is merely a shadow of how You would have me live it. Keep removing the hindrances to the abundant life! Amen.

There is Joy in the Lord - Cheri Keaggy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMhTFzzvIs4

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Rats and Garbage

Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for the enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour. I Peter 5:8 (Amplified Bible)

When my perspective about God is accurate it will result in change for me. Being aware of who God is, what God is like, and how God rules is necessary for an intimate walk with Him. Just as I must be aware of the truth about God I must also be aware of the truth about my enemy, Satan. Unfortunately, in many churches there is little if any teaching on what our enemy is really like and how he operates, let alone how to fight him. As long as the truth about him remains unknown he has an advantage in his roaming and devouring capabilities. I would venture to say that many of my defeats have been a result of not being aware of how the enemy works and what it is I can do about it.

Charles H. Kraft in his book, DEEP WOUNDS DEEP HEALING, has helped to open my eyes to one of Satan’s tactics. He refers to demons as rats and states that rats go for garbage. The garbage would be my unhealed wounds, emotional damage, false mindsets, strongholds, generational bents, and sinful practices (for starters). Since Satan and his demons cannot create things out of nothing they must latch on to things that are already present in my life. They are aware of my weaknesses and vulnerabilities and readily use them against me. They love to twist, distort, and falsely interpret the circumstances of my life. I can be sure that whatever lies I have believed about God, others, and myself will be the weapons they will use.

I not only must be aware of how the enemy works but when he is working as well. My mind is definitely his place of greatest attack and the effects are most felt in my emotions and attitudes which in turn affect my words, actions, and reactions. I therefore recognize when he has been active by noticing internal changes in myself. His “calling cards” for me are spiraling moods, feelings of oppression, hopelessness, discouragement, loss of peace and joy, confusion, a sense of isolation, and negative thought processes.

I am learning to acknowledge the work of the enemy and to rebuke him, renounce him, and reject him. With Scripture and the blood of Christ I can take authority (my God given authority) over what he is doing. I am not a helpless, defenseless victim. I am a child of God and a victor in Christ. As the “rats” scurry, God and I are slowly but surely removing the “garbage.” I no longer want to make it easy for them to have a feeding frenzy.

Father, thank you that my greatest enemy is already a defeated foe. Help me to walk in truth and victory. Amen.

You're the Heart of Me - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjXjOndUS7A

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

The Purpose and Power of Acknowledgement

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16 (King James Version)

What would happen if, within the company of a trusted individual, you admitted and acknowledged the truth about yourself? What if you told them of a struggle, habit, addiction, sin, or fault that resided within you? What if you admitted to them what you could barely admit to yourself? For me, the result is always freedom. Freedom from condemning thoughts. Freedom from the bondage. Freedom from the spiraling moods. Freedom from fear of being found out. Freedom from the thought that if someone knew the truth they would reject me and walk away.

I have spent the last year and a half in an accountability relationship with a trusted friend. The original “purpose” was to help me walk through the pain and darkness of losing a mentor. What I didn’t realize at the start was my healing would necessitate learning to acknowledge what was going on inside my head and my heart. The first time I had to admit some of the worst things about myself I squirmed in my seat for 20 minutes. The fear of losing this person’s respect and help made it difficult to voice the truth. But when I finally spoke, the hold of my secrets was broken. Rather than being abandoned (as I feared) I was encouraged and accepted. The truth was out, I was free, and the relationship was in tact. It was a scenario that would play itself out many more times. As with forgiveness, confessing my faults to someone is for my benefit.

God knew this and placed the principle in today’s verse. It is the first step to healing and the second step is prayer. The result of combining these two steps is empowerment and freedom.

While the accountability relationship has now ended (it was time) the necessity of acknowledging the truth continues. As recent as late last night a two-day spiral ended with the sending of an email to this person and once again admitting what I was battling. I woke this morning without the weight or downward pull of my emotions.

People have often commented on the transparency of these devotionals. What I am finding is they too are a means of acknowledging the truth. When I admit that the journey is hard and failure marks my path I am the richer for it. May I never again believe it best to hide.

Father, it is by living Your kingdom principles that I am empowered to live. Acknowledging what I am tempted to hide sets me free because that is what truth does. I lift my unshackled hands and heart to You! Amen.

The Power of Your Love - Hillsong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ga6Qtxzd6vk&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Leaving the Boat for the Water

When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" And they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid." Peter said to Him, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." And He said, "Come!" And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" When they got into the boat, the wind stopped. Matthew 14:26-32 (New American Standard Bible)

Rather than in clear sailing with sunny skies, it is during a storm in the night that Peter asked Jesus to call him out of the safety of his boat to come to Him on the water. Not calm water but rather choppy waves. Jesus calls. Peter comes. As long as he kept his eyes on Jesus and moved toward Him he was fine. Once his eyes spotted the turbulence of his surroundings he began to sink. His next move is what captures my attention this morning. He didn’t start swimming for the boat he left but rather he cried out to Jesus. “Save me” was the extent of his prayer. Jesus’ response was immediate. They returned to the boat, a word about doubting was given, and the wind ceased. All was well once again…..until the next trial, trouble, or tribulation.

So like my life. Moments of anticipated adventure and desire for freedom can cause me to make radical moves in my Christian life. So much wanting to “walk on the water” with Jesus and so ready to “leave the boat” I have been securely riding in. He calls, I come, and then the same scenario plays out. The storms of life hit. The uncertainty of my steps grows. The questions of whether or not I can actually continue to stay afloat abound. For too many years, I swam back to the boat. Back to what felt safe. Back to what I use to depend upon. I had never quite made it to the place of voicing Peter’s prayer. Of crying out to Jesus. Of seeking the safety of His arms. I always turned back to the boat. Back to what I knew. Back to what was familiar.

Last week was another trip outside the boat. At the time, no storm was raging. Just a desire to be free of needing others to help me, hold me, and heal me. Just a desire to make Jesus my Source and the center of my life. Just a desire to have the kind of relationship with Him that I saw in others and wanted for myself. Each day the waters have had ripples and the waves have begun to splash. They are bigger today than they were last week at this time. The difference this time is that I am no longer looking back at the boat or desiring to return to what I am used to. This time I keep crying out to Jesus and His response is immediate and the walk continues.

Father, I need You. Settle my heart in the midst of what feels like approaching storms. I don’t want the safety of the boat. I want You. Amen.

The Voice of Truth - Casting Crowns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUtCV2tvmeA&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

My Deliverance Has Come

But You, O GOD, the Lord, deal kindly with me for Your name's sake; because Your lovingkindness is good, deliver me; for I am afflicted and needy, and my heart is wounded within me. Psalm 109:21, 22 (New American Standard Bible)

I rejoice when a present experience becomes a past position. Up until this week, I lived the poignant words of this Psalm….afflicted, needy, and wounded in heart. Wanting desperately to believe deliverance would be mine I had my doubts that I would see it in this life time. I wondered if I would ever be able to say God had delivered me from my pit of despair and sorrow. David testified of it all through Psalm 108. Others have tasted of the freedom that came with such deliverance. I could only view it as an outsider to the experience. When the people in my life tried to assure me that God would in fact deliver me and I would one day know the joy of such a deliverance I wanted to believe it was true but could not see it happening. The affliction, neediness, and wounding were too deep. Too painful. Too dark. Too much.

I have spent the past two years in a wilderness. During this time I have continued to go to church, read necessary books, seek godly counsel, listen to Christian music, write devotionals, pray, seek, and stay in the Word. But all the while the internal darkness abounded and the dependency issues prevailed. I spiraled in and out of emotional pits on a daily and weekly basis. I felt more like a failure than a success. I saw no way out and often resigned myself to the belief that things would never be different for me. That somehow I would spend the rest of my life this way.

I have never been so hopeless in my life and yet it was in this state of mind that God helped me to open my heart and hands to Him and He lovingly took what I thought would be housed in me until Heaven. When I finally saw that I truly needed no one but Him, when I finally desired Him to be the core and center of my life, when I finally fixed my eyes fully on Him I felt the effects of Psalm 107:13, 14 which says, “They cried out to the LORD in their trouble, He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death and broke their bands apart.” This week I was brought out of my darkness and the bands were broken!

I have now experienced God as my Deliverer. God did what I couldn’t do for myself. Now when I hear of other people’s problems, plights, and pain I can say with all confidence that the One who delivered me can and will deliver them also. It will be the platform on which I stand and minister from this day forward.

Father, I am in awe of You! Amen.

My Deliverer - Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmGeeNDJzx0&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Beyond What I Could Ask or Think

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20, 21 (New American Standard Bible)

Have you ever been aware of a time when God was doing something in your life that far exceeded anything you could ask for, hope for, or think? For me, that awareness usually comes after the fact.

In the spring of 2004, I attended a women’s event out of curiosity about the speaker. I had been familiar with her music ministry from the 70s and 80s but knew little of what God had been doing in her life since then. What God did that weekend far exceeded anything I could have thought to ask Him to do. It was there that I saw that His love for me was not dependent on what I was doing. It forever changed the way I was living my Christian life and started me on a journey that continues to this day.

That same year, I asked God to show me His heart in Scripture. I wanted to read His Word and know that He had a message for me within its pages. I wanted Scripture to come alive to me and work wonders in my life. With pen in hand I wrote out a paragraph of thoughts that stood out to me in a practical way. This morning I prepare to send out my 965th devotional and that far exceeds anything I could have asked for or thought up. Both my life and my devotionals have changed much over these past number of years.

Two years ago, I entered the darkest season of my life. My entire world was shaken by the stepping away of a mentor who just happened to be the speaker God used to radically change my life. The loss of her involvement in my life set me on a path of finding God’s hand to take hold of. With the help of an accountability partner I began to wade through the issues of my heart. Slowly but surely, the seeds of truth began to outnumber the embedded lies I had come to believe. I am now in the midst of seeing God once again go far beyond anything I could ask or hope for. Not only has He brought me to the place of once again taking in the teaching and listening to the music of my former mentor, but He has removed the unforgiving spirit, confusion, questions, and hurt that I have harbored for these two years. None of which I thought would happen in this life time.

This week has found me taking the first steps of freedom that at one time I doubted I would ever take. It has also increased my anticipation of what lies ahead!

Father, the darkness is gone and today the light of Your presence warms me like never before. Thank you for all the ways You have exceedingly, abundantly worked. I know that You are not finished and I am ready for the rest of the story! Amen.

Psalm 23 - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVYh63ZF_Vo

*** Special note*** If any of you are planning on attending Kathy Troccoli's concert in Fort Wayne, Indiana, tomorrow evening (Aug. 21) please let me know. I would love to meet you!

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Healthy Guidelines for Living

O Lord, by these things men live, and in all these is the life of my spirit; O restore me to health and let me live! Isaiah 38:16 (New American Standard Bible)

Isaiah 38 records the story of Hezekiah being told he was to die soon. Upon hearing this, he cried to the Lord for an extension on his life and he was granted his request. What followed his healing was a prayer that included today’s verse. His was one of desiring physical health and extended life. I read his words this morning with a desire for not only physical health but emotional and spiritual health as well.

A little over a year ago, I joined Weight Watchers and quickly saw the need to change the way I was eating. While my desire to eat right included wanting to lose weight it also entailed a life style change. Hence, the need to implement healthy guidelines into not only my eating but my activities as well. Some of those guidelines have to do with drinking water, getting in my fruits and vegetables, drinking milk, increasing my activity level, and other healthy options. One thing I have to be on guard of is my tendency to binge eat. Certain foods can open the door to incredible binges that have no positive value or outcome. Knowing this, forces me to set daily and weekly goals for myself that keep me on track and improve my health.

Recently God helped me to see that those same principles apply to my emotional and spiritual health. For the sake of my internal well being, it is imperative that I follow specific healthy guidelines designed to bring about that emotional and spiritual health. While I don’t know what that entire list looks like yet, He has given me a few to get me started. The first of which is to guard and control my thoughts. I have often found it easy to binge on wrong thoughts which can stem from unforgiveness, self- pity, wrong perceptions, and judgmental attitudes. That is a “diet” I cannot afford to continue to embrace. At present, the healthy guideline God is urging me to implement is to think on better things on purpose. To chose to redirect my thinking. There is so much I can think on that is encouraging, beneficial, and healthy for me. Things that would give me freedom in my day and in my relationships.

This is just one aspect of Him restoring my health and letting me live the abundant life of which Jesus spoke. He will forever leave the choice to me as to whether or not I apply what He tells me. He won’t force good health on me but He will certainly provide all I need to experience that health.

Father, my desire for physical, emotional, and spiritual health has finally come into agreement with Your desire. Continue to show me the guidelines for my own well being. Amen.

By Grace Alone - Maranatha Singers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6lhilgWXIE&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

The Only Opinion That Counts

Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. Romans 14:4 (New American Standard Bible)

For those of us who hunger for approval and acceptance, the opinions of others can have a hold on us if we let them. We cannot stop others from judging us or forming an opinion about us. It happened to Christ when He walked on this earth centuries ago. It happened to God’s children in both the Old and New Testament. It has happened to us all. Freedom from the effects of what others think of us is only found as we see the truth that God’s opinion is what counts. Our actions are right or wrong according to Him.

One of the most apparent times of being judged by others, for me, was when I began to seek freedom from a legalistic way of living my Christian life. Learning the truth that God’s love was not dependent on what I was doing had a huge impact on me and led to the desire to walk in freedom rather than in rigid conformity. It opened the door for me to allow God to set the boundaries and standards in my life. It paved the way for me to be accepting of things that at one time were unacceptable. I cleared away the self imposed list of does and don’ts that had defined my life and allowed God to begin to rewrite it.

For decades I had struggled in the area of music. What was appropriate to listen to and what was not? What was right and what was wrong? My view was based more on what others had told me rather than on what God told me. At one time, if the music had a beat of any kind it was deemed wrong and dangerous. Never mind individual tastes and preferences. So for decades I set aside anything of a contemporary nature. Once in a while I would attempt to break free and I would actually buy a tape or CD of “forbidden” music only to turn around and out of guilt throw it away or destroy it. This all changed in the spring of 2004. In the privacy of a guest room at my grandmother’s house, with tears I finally asked God to give me the freedom to listen to the music that ministers to me. He graciously did so and once I received His approval, the door to praise and worship music swung wide open that I had previously shut.

While I enjoyed this new found freedom with passion it came at a price. It cost me a teaching job at a Christian school as well as the respect of others as they felt I had backslid. The sting of that was only relieved as I rested in the truth that God approved of my changes whether others did or not. It will continue to be that way as other areas of my life are affected. To Him I stand or fall and by His grace I stand!

Father, continue to open the doors I have shut and backed away from. Christ came to set me free and I choose to dance in that freedom for the rest of my life. Amen.

With All I Am - Hillsong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMrAafe7Mns&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Knowing Where I Stand

No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. John 15:15 (New King James Version)

Intimacy! I still do not fully grasp God’s intimate view of me as His daughter. Through out Scripture I am given terms that define my relationship to Him. His sheep, servant, child, clay, vessel, messenger, vine, bride…..FRIEND! What does that mean? In personal terms it means one who is dear to me, one in whom I delight, one in whose company I long to be, one I talk to often, one who is on my mind a lot, one who takes priority, one whose love I am confident of, one whom I continually get to know, one who shares my heart and theirs, one who shares their world with me, and one I love with abandon.

Nothing hinders my delight in a friendship more than the uncertainty of the other person’s feelings toward me. When I perceive they no longer want a relationship with me I shut down. I no longer feel at ease to approach them because of my own fear of rejection. It is a measure of self protection that can be costly. Where once I may have felt entirely loved and accepted by them, I now expect the opposite. There is such a difference between feeling tolerated and feeling loved. Does it hurt? Yes! Is there a need for healing within myself? Absolutely! God is daily letting me know that whether my thoughts and feelings are justified or not, He must be my constant resort for comfort and renewal. While I may not always know another person’s heart, His heart is openly revealed in His Word.

For years I viewed Him as harsh, unloving, uncaring, and merely tolerating of me. I knew He loved others but felt I was not among the chosen few. How deceived I was! With such a distorted view of Him, I hesitated to seek relationship with Him. The very things that are necessary to be intimate with Him--prayer and being in His Word--were sporadic at best. I could not conceive of the fact that His endearing terms were meant for me as well. Oh, the change that came when the truth finally sunk in. He graciously opened my ears to His words of love, delight, and friendship! It changed the way I viewed Him, related to Him, and heard Him. May I never stop letting Him show me where I might still be blind to His face and deaf to His voice.

Father, all that You have to say to me, I want to digest to the fullest. With You I no longer feel insecure, uncertain, or excluded. You have called me Your friend! Amen.

The Motions - Matthew West
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaHmiFaX_pk&feature=PlayList&p=F0BA1ACD8C2BFC55&index=39

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

My Helper and Prayer Partner

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27 (New American Standard Bible)

I see two profound aspects about the Spirit of God in today’s passage. He helps me in my weaknesses and intercedes for me according to God’s will. Those truths encourage and comfort me. Why? Because I am in daily need of that help and those prayers. We all are!

The weaknesses that stood out to me yesterday were varied. Offended by something that was said to me and the way it was said, awakened in me a desire to hold on to hurt feelings rather than forgive, release, and move on. His help came in the form of reminding me of the necessity to walk in forgiveness. It is for my good. Holding on to hurt feelings affects me more than the person I choose not to forgive. Waiting until the other person sees and admits to their hurting me before I will forgive is futile at best and damaging at worst. Like one person so aptly put it, it is like me drinking poison and expecting the other person to die! Not good! Cooperation in this area required His help.

Insecurities in a relationship presented the temptation to email a long time friend for the purpose of letting her know I was in doubt of our friendship. This has been a year void of much communication and that tends to bring out the worries in me. It awakens perceptions in me that only serve to put us both in the worst possible light. Again, poison to me! Not sending the email and not spiraling into a pit of doubt and despair required His help. I feel better this morning having NOT sent the email.

As much as I need the help of the Spirit, I am in more need of His prayers. My prayers are often limited by my lack of knowledge, understanding, and view. Therefore I need the prayers of One who knows me intimately, sees life fully, and knows God’s will for everything and everyone. While I have precious prayer partners in my life, non surpass or come close to Him. Like His thoughts for me, His prayers are too numerous to count and too precious to ignore. Amazingly enough, He prays for me whether I ask Him to or not and whether I am aware of His prayers or not.

Father, thank you for the help and prayers of Your Spirit. I am in need of both! Amen.

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJODOpe_M8E&feature=PlayList&p=F0BA1ACD8C2BFC55&index=38&playnext=7&playnext_from=PL

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

The Ache of Limited Supply

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:17-18 (New International Version)

At the time of this writing of Scripture, crops and live stock were essential to ones survival and well being. A crop failure and loss of animals could be a matter of life and death. So I am struck by the closing remarks. When the supply is gone, when the sustenance of life is unavailable, rejoice and be joyful in God. I cannot say I have ever been completely without food or the bare essentials of life. I have never been in a situation where I literally did not know where my next meal was coming from. Yet as I read this passage my mind went to that which I so often rely upon….the emotional support of others. How well do I do when that support seems to be unavailable? How quick am I to rejoice in my Lord, my God, and my Savior?

This past weekend I enjoyed an opportunity to visit with a number of friends in Michigan. Some I had not seen in a number of months and some I had not seen in decades. The fellowship was sweet. The visits were encouraging. With each visit I felt loved, welcomed, and wanted. I walked away spiritually encouraged and emotionally saturated. Yet when the weekend came to a close and I was on my way back to Indianapolis, it felt as if something was slowly leaking out of me. When I was no longer face to face with sources of encouragement some longings began to resurface. Thoughts of other relationships came to mind and with them came feelings of insecurity, loneliness, and the thought I had been forgotten. Was I rejoicing then? Was I joyful in God my Savior? Not hardly! I was experiencing the all too familiar ache that comes when my external world is unable to sooth my internal world.

God had to remind me that although He will use people in profound ways in my life they cannot be who I look to in order to feel loved, whole, and healed. They cannot be my never ending source. He must be! That is when rejoicing and joy is possible. So when I am looking over the “fields” of familiar faces and the prospects of enjoying their company looks slim, I must realize that God is my present Help and constant Companion. Even when I don’t know where my next emotional meal is going to come from, He is my Source and Sustenance. In that I can rejoice! In that I can be joyful! In that I can rest!

Father, friends mean a lot to me. The absence of them affects me. You are my Friend who sticks closer than a brother. For Your unchanging ways, I praise You and joy in You! Amen.

A Love That Won't Walk Away - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uQGr4fa2Z0&feature=PlayList&p=F0BA1ACD8C2BFC55&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=32

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

A Shift in the Right Direction

He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed. Psalm 107:29 (New American Standard Bible)

The disciples knew what it was like to be in the midst of a storm at sea. A storm that seemed to threaten their very lives and send them into a state of fear and panic. Their assumption was that Jesus didn’t care and wouldn’t help. But all of that changed when He stood and calmed the storm with the mere sound of His voice. They also knew the effects of having their internal storms calmed with His words of “Peace be still.” Whether it is a literal storm at sea or a storm in the midst of our internal world, we long for peace to come and “waves” to be hushed.

The most powerful storms I face in life are those of an emotional nature. I know when one is about to hit because I experience a shift in my moods, feelings, and thoughts. It may not even be a huge experience that brings the shift on but the effects are felt and I know too well the storm that will follow…one of darkness and distress. It is a pattern that I have grown use to but never comfortable with. I don’t like the spiraling. I don’t like the shift. The mere sense of one sends me into a state of foreboding because I don’t know how bad it will get or how long it will last.

Last night was no exception. The fresh realization that a severed relationship would most likely not be restored in this life caused the shift. It followed a few days of what seemed like clear sailing and I really didn’t want to experience another storm. What I didn’t realize was how God would show me something that would actually turn the tide. In the midst of a spiral He brought this thought to mind….if something or someone can shift me in a negative direction, He can certainly shift me in a positive direction. He who calmed the storms at sea could just as easily calm my storm. So I asked Him to do that for me and He did! Within moments the pull downward was stopped and I definitely felt a calm.

To say I was astounded would be an understatement. It was a turning point for me. As one who has known only how to ride out storms I am now seeing an alternative I failed to grasp before. I have no doubt that God will faithfully settle my heart when shifts happen and hush the waves of emotions when they come. The circumstances may not always change but my internal world will as I look to Him to shift me in the right direction.

Father, I have never known such calming. I look to You to do in me what I cannot do without You. Thank you for the stillness that comes from You. Amen.

Praise You in the Storm - Casting Crowns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time. 　

Within Its Pages

For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4 (New American Standard Bible)

Perseverance. That ability to continue on even in the midst of difficulties and mundane days. Encouragement. That which exhorts and comforts me in every situation I face. Hope. My expectation of good, joyful confidence, and a sense that all will work together for good. Where do these things come from? I have many sources I could rely upon to bring me encouragement and hope and help me to persevere, but none compare to the place and power of Scripture!

Within the pages of God’s Word are the recorded lives of people who walked before me and have set examples for me to follow. Sometimes the examples show me what NOT to do and other times the examples become billboards for right living and wise choices. How gracious of God to show me the ends of their stories for my continued benefit.

Within the pages of Scripture are principles for life that are filled with advantages for me if followed. The first three verses of Hebrews 12 give me truths that, if applied, will revolutionize ANY believer’s life. They are: lay aside that which hinders and entangles you, run the race of life with endurance, fix your eyes on Jesus who began and will complete your faith, and consider Him (which means to meditate on and ponder).

Within the pages of the Bible are promises made by God to us that will never change. Promises of His love, forgiveness, presence, power, provision, and protection. Promises that are made and kept with the same passion! They are often conditional upon our obedience but even that is something He will empower us to do. Among the promises are the truths about God’s character and heart as well as His profound wisdom and instruction that He lavishes on all who will learn from Him.

With all of that, Job reminds me in 26:14 that the things God reveals through His Word are merely fringes and slight views of all that He is! My brain cannot take in the whole of His ways or thoughts. They are beyond me and yet I revel in what He graciously helps me to understand. THAT is the reason I now open His Word each morning. There is too much within its pages that I no longer want to miss!

Father, I cannot begin to describe the wonder and magnitude of Your Word. May it go deep into my spirit and transform me from the inside out. You, Your Spirit, and Your Word are my ultimate sources for everything! Amen.

Thy Word - Maranatha Singers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SLHWFpSlq4&feature=related

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Changing the Direction

Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (New American Standard Bible)

The words stung because they were so true! Dr. Margaret Paul wrote of a woman who wanted others to “fill her up, approve of her, become responsible for her feelings of worth and safety.” It was emotional dependency in a nutshell and I could all too easily slip my name into her example. My first response was shame for having such a tendency reside in me. On the heels of shame was despondency as this continues to be an issue in my life. I have known the pain of losing someone in my life because of it and the fear of losing others as they see it as well. My question to God was, “How do I change? How do I stop looking to people to do this stuff for me and begin living without the disappointment when they can’t or won’t?

I have said it before and I will say it again, God does not bring things to the surface to condemn us but rather to show us where He wants to work. His answer to me wasn’t something I had never heard before…..numerous people have said it to me and numerous people have demonstrated it to me by their example. Breaking free of emotional dependency is found in becoming an encourager to others. Encouragement with a smile, with a hug, with a note, with a conversation, or any number of ways God brings to mind.

God’s picture to me is that I often focus on the flow of relationships going from others to myself. I look to others to make me feel good about myself, to take away pain, to fix me. God’s way is that I would see the flow of relationships going out from me to others. Finding ways to encourage and uplift them. Not for the hopes that it will make me feel better (although it will do that) but rather out of interest for them.

It is one of God’s many kingdom principles. Extend to others what I so badly crave for myself and know that God will faithfully meet every need I have. A friend who has known me most of my life once said, “Pam, because of the things that happened in your childhood, you have spent many years trying to figure out ways to get your emotional needs met.” She was right and what I am learning is that none of those ways work. God is once again giving me the answer to my dilemma…..live connected to Him and focus on others. Rather than sit at the table of life frantically looking for what I can consume, He is nudging me to walk around that table and begin serving others. As always, His ways are higher than my own and they work!

Father, purify my heart and my motives. Help me to be the encourager You have called and equipped me to be. Thank you for every example You have put in front of me. I have watched others and now it is time to follow in their steps. Amen.

Make Me a Servant - Maranatha Singers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rznoe3zKxM

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

Where’s the Peace?

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 14:27 (New American Standard Bible)

That which Jesus gives to us is always irrevocable. The same peace He gave to His disciples in the upper room on the very night He was to be arrested and beaten, is the peace He gives to each one who comes to Him for salvation. No matter the circumstances of one’s life, no matter the situations they find themselves in, no matter what, the peace that He gives is within us. Just as the stars are still present during the day when they cannot be seen, so is the peace Christ gives even when it cannot be felt or experienced.

What exactly is the peace Christ gives? A state of tranquility, harmony, security, safety, prosperity, assurance, quietness, restfulness, and being undisturbed. If that is the case, why does it seem like that is missing from our life at times? It is not missing, it is just not apparent. The reason for that sense of loss varies, but it all comes down to other things clouding our view and dulling our senses to its presence and reality.

I woke this morning with a fresh sense of peace….Christ’s peace was profound. Why? There was the absence of turmoil. Thoughts of rejection, distrust, loneliness, and frustration were not marking my path. Relationships seemed right. Truth was prevailing. Skewed thinking was arrested. It was so intense for me because so often it doesn’t seem to be my experience. Why? Because I have a sin nature and an enemy of my soul who is intent and persistent at seeking to destroy me.

My answer to this dilemma is to daily practice dieing to myself, opening my clenched fists to all that I should give over to God, resisting the enemy when his calling cards are present, centering my thoughts on the Philippians 4:8 list, turning my focus toward the One who gave me peace to start with, seeking opportunities to encourage others, and living out of the abundance of all that God continually gives to me.

As a child of God, I am called to walk in the light not the darkness. I am called to love others not judge them. I am called to embrace who I am in Christ. All that God calls me to do He equips me to do. When anything gets in the way of that, His peace is still in me but I am far from experiencing the reality of it. When that is the case, it is imperative that I seek out the cause and remedy the situation God’s way. The result will always be a fresh realization of what has been in me all along….peace.

Father, thank you for the profoundness of Your peace in me this morning. I have settled for less but desire to change. Amen.

Spirit of the Living God
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShhUWVKZnEk

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.

That Which Prevails Against Me

Iniquities prevail against me; as for our transgressions, You forgive them. Psalm 65:3 (New American Standard Bible)

When that which resides in me, continues to show itself stronger than my resolve to fight it, and once again surfaces and prevails, I have a faithful God who willingly forgives. When what I have yet to conquer, conquers me, I am assured of God’s forgiveness. When the cycle of sin remains unbroken and the apologies are necessary AGAIN, I rest in the promise and possession of God’s forgiveness.

There are times, when I have failed to fight and stood in defeat once more, that my shoulders slump, the tears fall, and my head bows because I feel I will never overcome certain areas of my life. I may start the day with resolve only to fall apart in the battle. Yesterday was one such experience. Perceptions enveloped and encased me and I found myself telling God, “I will never beat this thing. I will never get it right!” Although forgiveness was forthcoming, today finds me apprehensive and fearful of the next time I am called to the same battlefield and scenario. In moments like this, joy eludes me and fear takes over. Why? Because my track record of failure stairs me in the face and the enemy of my soul works tirelessly to convince me things will never be different.

I have a choice to make. Believe the lies or review the truth that greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world. Not one thing defeated Christ here on earth. He stood Victor over everything. He is the One holding my hand and speaking words of assurance to me that He will do the work necessary for me to overcome. He is the One taking my face in His hands and turning my gaze toward Him rather than on my inabilities, depravity, and weakness. He is the One who knows my fears and is able to put them to rest. He is the One rewriting the endings to my stories that I am limited to see presently.

Hope is born when I see the possibility that things can be different. My past does not have to be my future. Yesterday’s failure does not have to be today’s scenario and it won’t be if my confidence is in Christ instead of myself.

Father, I long to experience freedom and victory in this area of my life that keeps prevailing. I want to know the joy of the victor’s song. I look to You to do in me what I am not able to do. Peter’s cry of, “Help me, Lord” is now my cry as well. Amen.

Warrior is a Child/Do I Trust You-Twila Paris
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Pzu-jWpcdw

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.