I Still Miss Her

In March of 2000, I sat in the balcony at my church and took in the fact that I would soon be facing my first Mothers' Day without my mom. She had been killed in a car accident after suffering a heart attack the previous February. I still remember the profound ache and extraordinary loss that enveloped me. Physically I felt like someone had taken a piece of barbed wire and shoved it into my chest...then proceeded to twist it. My mom who was so full of life. The one with whom I could laugh the hardest. The one I took after in so many ways. The one with whom I enjoyed Christian fellowship for the last 14 years of her life. The one who over came her alcoholism but struggled with depression. The one who loved me and cheered me on in life. The one who adored my children. Gone. Heaven held her and I couldn't get to her.

It was in March when the Lord gave me a poem which I would like to share with all of you. Written with my mom in mind, I now dedicate it to all of you who have lost your mothers....whether years ago or recently. While my personal pain and sorrow have subsided and good memories have replaced them, my heart goes out to any who face a difficult Mothers' Day this year. God bless you and may His presence be your comfort.

I Still Miss Her

It seems like only yesterday
I sent a Mother’s Day card away.
I didn’t think it would be the last,
I signed it with love and mailed it fast.
Now that she has gone away,
It doesn’t feel like Mother’s Day.
There are no more chances to send a card,
To ship some flowers, to make a call.
There’s no more thanking her for all she’s done.
No more visits,
No more fun.
I cannot hug her or kiss her cheek.
I cannot even share a laugh.
It all too quickly became the past.
I took each visit with her for granted.
I thought there’d always be more to come.
The camera lies still now
From her use and mine.
All the pictures have been taken,
All the memories have been made.
All the words have been spoken,
All the letters have been mailed.
The thing I miss the most of all
Has got to be her voice
Whether on the telephone or talking face to face.
I’d wish for one more conversation either here or at her place.
I know I’ll see her again some day,
We’ll share the sights of heaven.
We’ll talk, we’ll laugh, we’ll hug,
We’ll kiss….it’ll be Mother’s Day once more.
But until then I’ll be a mom for Mother’s Day instead of
Being a daughter.

Pam Shattuck
March, 2000