Choosing to Stay

But if the slave plainly says, 'I love my master, my wife and my children; I will not go out as a free man,' then his master shall bring him to God, then he shall bring him to the door or the doorpost. And his master shall pierce his ear with an awl; and he shall serve him permanently. Exodus 21:5, 6　(New American Standard Bible)

Why would a slave choose permanent slavery over complete freedom? The love for his master, wife, and children out weighed his desire for liberation. When placed in this context it is understandable and even admirable. Yet, this morning, God is bringing to the forefront two phrases that He wants me to see…..”I will not go out as a free man……he shall serve him permanently.” Why those two phrases? Because I asked Him to show me a biblical example of what I am presently doing in regards to addictions in my own life. Something in me hesitates to ‘go out free’. To completely let go. Just the thought of it sends a ripple of fear throughout my internal world. It is not the picture of this person who chooses to stay a slave out of love, but rather it is a picture of the two and a half tribes who halted, hesitated, and refused to take up residence in the Promise land of God’s choosing.

I wept through a couple episodes of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew late last night. As I saw the hold of alcohol and drug addiction on the residents and listened to Dr. Drew explain the signs of addiction and those things that were necessary to bring about change, my own personal addictions stared me in the face. I come from a family of addicts….both alcohol and drugs. Neither one had a pull on me and yet I find myself addicted to my own food and relationship choices.

I cringe at the fact that I still make things available for myself. I choose to hold on and remain rather than making a permanent decision to let go and live in freedom. Suddenly, I can relate with the alcoholic who keeps a bottle stashed away in a secret place, the drug addict who has a ‘fix’ available should the need arise, the wife who keeps in touch with the abusive husband, the sex addict who still has the porn site housed on his favorites list of his computer, etc….. Whether or not they return to that which keeps them in bondage isn’t my point as much as the fact that those things still represent a form of security to them. I understand the over whelming fear at the thought of giving something up once and for all because that same fear keeps me within reach of my own addiction choices.

Letting go for me will require a change of heart as well as change of mind. I have a heavenly Father who is well aware of every aspect of my bondage and what it will take for me to break free. May all the mental rehearsing I am doing give way to His invitation for a new life.

Father, You know me through and through. Don’t let my place of bondage be a permanent place for me. Amen.

Painting Pictures of Egypt - Sara Groves
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcIA4Cnj6j4

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.