A Fox Hunt

Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes. Song of Solomon 2:15 (New King James Version)

I am on a “fox” hunt and those “foxes” are the attitudes of my heart. For most of my adult life, I have blamed many of my personal weaknesses and failures on my upbringing. The scenario would go something like this: I had alcoholic parents and their alcoholism left holes in my heart. Unmet emotional needs sent me on a quest to get those needs met through relationships. Looking to people to give me what only God could give me was a means of survival.

Several years ago I came across the term “emotional dependency” and it became my garment of choice. It was the label I could apply to my life and therefore allow it to define and confine me. It seemed to explain my behavior and the choices that drove the behavior. It also filled me with shame and wreaked havoc on numerous relationships.

While the actions of my parents did have an effect on me and emotional dependency is a personal struggle for me, those are not the foxes that I need to become aware of and catch. Change will come for me only as I take personal responsibility rather than find something or someone to blame for my actions and behavior.

Although I know Christ as my Savior and His Spirit lives in me, I still possess a sin nature and fleshly tendencies. Spiraling moods are just one of the outgrowths of that nature. Until recently, when a shift would take place I went down! Now I am learning that there is a different way to live. Instead of giving in to the mood swing I am beginning to pinpoint the thoughts and feelings that are giving momentum to the mood swing. I am learning to ask myself, “What are you feeling right now?” The answer will identify the fox that needs to be caught and stopped. Yesterday’s foxes included jealousy, fear, feelings of insignificance, shame, and wrong perceptions. As I would identify the heart issue I could then focus my prayer on it. I could confess the jealousy and ask God to help me have an attitude of thankfulness and contentment. If it was fear, I could acknowledge that He is always with me. Insignificance could be met with reviewing the truth of who I am in Christ. Shame would retreat at the flood lights of forgiveness and acceptance. Wrong perceptions could be defeated with truth.

What was actually happening was that I was finally seeing the real enemy within myself and calling each attitude out in the open. I use to feel defeated because the attitudes were still in me. Now I taking a victor’s stance against them and that is changing the vineyard of my heart. It is taking prayer, the use of Scripture, and God’s help to see progress in this area. The fight is on!

Father, shed light on each heart attitude that seeks dominance over me today. Help me to acknowledge what is there at all times. Help me to walk in victory. Amen.

Change My Heart, Oh God - Eddie Espinosa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEtsHWFE6-w

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.