Staying Free

Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,” and, “A sow that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud.” 2 Peter 2:22 (New International Version)

What a vivid picture is painted with these words. As true as they are for dogs and pigs, they are more so for people. Experiencing freedom from bondage and sin is exhilarating, but oh the devastation to find oneself returning to the very thing you had been released from. The “vomit and mud” of our past can easily become part of our present if we allow it. For some, finding freedom may have taken years, but a return to the bondage can happen within minutes! Just one taste of what you begged God to free you from can entangle you once again. Whatever the addiction or sinful behavior was, is what we must continue to stand guard against and alert to. So how is that done? How do we “stand fast in the liberty in which Christ has made us free and not return to the bondage?” (Gal. 5:1) It necessitates seeing our enemy, our self, and our Source. Be AWARE!

Be aware that you have an enemy who knows you are free and desires nothing more than to allure you back into captivity. Just like the Egyptian army pursued the children of Israel with the intent on taking them back to Egypt and slavery, the enemy of your soul pursues you! You have won a battle for freedom but be assured there will be a war to fight in order to remain free. Satan is not going to just lie down and die. He is going to use every trick and tactic against you. He will use people, circumstances, weaknesses, temptations, counterfeits, and more to attempt to re-enslave you. Don’t give him what he wants. Always choose to stand and fight!

Be aware of your capability to return to bondage. James 1:14 says we are drawn away and enticed by our own lusts. That which first drew you into bondage still lives within you. Be aware of your areas of vulnerability and weakness. Set up limits for who or what you are involved. It will require the severing of unhealthy relationships and activities. Know the truth about your own sin nature and what you must avoid at all costs. Ask God to continually remind you of the pain you experienced that was used to birth in you a desire for freedom in the first place.

Be aware that your Source for continued freedom is Christ! Keep your eyes on Him and nurture yourself with the things that keep you close to Him. Feed on His Word, prayer, Christian fellowship, supplementary reading, inspiring music, and whatever else encourages your faith. Just as He set you free, He will keep you free as you cooperate with Him. Talk to Him, listen to Him, and yield to Him. He is passionate about you and your freedom!

Father, may I never forget the pain of bondage and the desire for freedom. Keep my passion for You foremost in my mind. May my bondage be to You alone! Captivate me with Yourself. Amen.

Hearing the Invitation

But I am poor and needy; yet the LORD thinks upon me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God. Psalm 40:17 (New King James Version)

My ability to see God as my help and deliverer begins with the realization of my neediness and bondage. Until I see the truth of my mindsets and internal world I will not see the necessity of allowing God to come to my aid. As long as I walk in independence of Him I will not be able to establish my dependence on Him. These truths became clear to me one morning as I journaled a note to myself and began to see the extent of my own neediness and God’s extravagant offer of fulfillment. What follows is a look into the first of many steps toward freedom for me. With tears and timidity I wrote:

You do not like feelings of loneliness and insignificance. When they come you seek to anesthetize them through contact with people. Although a phone call or good email will relieve you for a moment the feelings stay hidden in the shadows only to resurface a short time later. Let them be what draw you to God for comfort and company. Each can be an opportunity to cry out to Him for His filling and presence. God desires to fill you with an awareness of His deep love. You have yet to fully embrace that truth and live out of its experience. That is why you are still looking to other sources. All your desire for affection, attention, affirmation, encouragement, and security is legitimate but the way you go about attempting to receive it all is where the problem lies. Allow God to show you His availability and capability to be your All in All. Allow Him to be the One to nurture and protect you. Receive your true identity from Christ. This is not a matter of success versus failure. It is a process! You live in a fallen world and possess a fallen nature, therefore you will always be in need of Him. The deepest places in you need His touch. Open yourself up to receive all He longs to give you on a daily basis. Don’t feel that because you still experience these feelings and longings that you aren’t “getting it.” You have spent so many years looking to substitutes that looking to God needs to be learned and experienced. Whether it is every 5 minutes or every hour keep pressing in to Him. Keep looking to Him. Keep resting in Him. Let Him saturate your entire being so that relationships can be a joy rather than an attempt to get your needs met. Value the ones who are in your life at the present. Relate to them out of your relationship with your Father. You are precious in His sight and He will complete the work He has started in you. He is wooing you to Himself even now. Reach out and receive all that He extends to you. Accept His invitation to be completely loved by Him.

I had to ask myself, “How do I refuse an offer like that?” I am finding that not only does God extend such a radical invitation to me, He does amazing things when I dare to take Him up on it. As I am learning to look to Him for comfort and direction, I am able to let my friends off the hook for being primary need meeters in my life. To God be the glory because without Him THAT would never have happened.

Father, I never rested long enough to hear Your words of invitation to me. I now turn to You to find what no one else could supply for me. Amen.

Sought Out

As a shepherd seeks out his flock on the day he is among his scattered sheep, so will I seek out My sheep and deliver them from all the places where they were scattered on a cloudy and dark day. Ezekiel 34:12 (New King James Version)

If I read the 34th chapter of Ezekiel and see it only as a passage spoken to and about the nation of Israel thousands of years ago, it will have little affect upon my Christian life. It will bring me little comfort or hope. That which would put me in bondage and fear will appear indestructible and inescapable. BUT if I allow God to speak those same words to me and I own them for myself then they become promises I can claim as my way of escape and victory. I choose to do the latter!

I enjoy being the recipient of God’s seeking, feeding, nurturing, deliverance, and care. He knows me intuitively and intimately and stands ready and willing to meet every need I would bring to Him. He is a tender Shepherd full of compassion and mercy. No matter my situation, no matter my stronghold, no matter my depravity, He makes Himself completely responsible to shepherd me emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and socially. I will never find Him unavailable, disinterested, distracted, or distant. His ear is always open to my verbalized and non verbalized cries for help. As I learn to press in to Him on a daily basis, I am experiencing an aspect of the Christian life that I never knew could be experienced. That of taking my deepest needs to the only One who can meet them.

This morning I drink in His precious words to me and to any who would receive them for themselves. These are the words I embrace and find hope in with delight: Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep, and seek them out. I will feed my flock, and I will cause them to lie down. I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick. They shall be safe in their land, and shall know that I am the LORD, when I have broken the bands of their yoke, and delivered them. They shall dwell in safety, and none shall make them afraid. Thus shall they know that I the LORD their God am with them, and that they, are my people, saith the LORD God. (Ezekiel 34:11, 15, 16, 27, 28, 29)

He has given us His word that He will do all of this and more for us if we will but let Him. We need not fear that He has ever withdrawn His offer. His back will not be turned. His ears will not be shut. His welcome mat will not be pulled in. He has freely offered to be our Deliverer. All the glory goes to Him as He brings us to the place of accepting His invitation.

Father, thank you for your words of life and the grace that helps me receive them for myself. Amen.

And the Scales Fell

And immediately there fell from his eyes as it had been scales: and he received sight forthwith, and arose, and was baptized. Acts 9:18 (King James Version)

Saul (later called Paul) had been physically blinded by a bright light from Heaven and spiritually blinded by the realization that everything he based his spirituality on was counter to the very God he thought he was serving. He was bankrupt of any eternal treasure he thought he had stored up. Blinded and broken was his condition when God sent Ananias to lay hands on him and speak a blessing of healing over him. The result was instant sight as the scales fell from his eyes. What started out on a road to Damascus ended on a path through life that included preaching, prison, and penning many books of the New Testament.

This morning I am seeing correlations of Paul’s life in my own. Although I have never been physically blind, I have faced the realization that my own “spirituality” has often been faulty. That which I thought was bringing me closer to God was actually hindering me from really knowing Him on an intimate level. For decades I was on a road strewn with legalism and performance. What I thought would gain me God’s love, favor, and acceptance actually left me bankrupt and empty. Once I realized God’s love was not dependent on what I was doing, I stepped off my road of self effort and knew I was on a different path. For a time (two years to be exact) I thought all was well. God has been gracious to reveal to me the truth.

While I was no longer “performing” for Him, I was still detoured in many ways. Not by religious activity but by meaningful relationships. I had unknowingly mistaken the high of friendships for closeness to God. A life time of looking to individuals to meet my deepest internal needs for love, approval, affirmation, and acceptance was finally exposed in a painful way. Saul waited three days for the scales to fall. I waited a year and a half! Tears, confusion, and fear marked my path as I slowly came to grips with the depths of my own propensity toward idolatry…not of statues but of significant people. I thought the truth of this would do me in but instead it has laid the ground work for freedom.

I am presently on a journey of discovery. It entails seeing the areas in my life that need God’s touch of grace and redemption as well as coming to know a God who can truly meet every need I have and satisfy me in a way that I have never known. The scales have fallen and what I am seeing for the first time is taking my breath away!

Father, I use to fear exposure but now I welcome it. In Your presence I am free to see the truth about myself and ecstatic to see the truth about You! Amen.

Given and Received

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27 (New King James Version)

A troubled heart and fear can be two very disturbing things in the life of a believer. We all experience them in one way or another. Today, Jesus desires for us to hear Him whisper His words of peace over any trouble or fear that we are presently sensing. Whether it is with finances, health, relationships, occupations, possessions, dreams, or any other area, His words apply. The same Jesus who spoke to the storm at sea and instantly the wind and waves died down. The same Jesus who raised the dead, healed diseases, fed thousands with a single lunch, and came back to life. The same Jesus who gives the peace speaks the words of peace. It was not and is not a cliché or pat answer. It is still promised today just as it was to His disciples and it is offered to all who will receive it for themselves.

I was once again reminded of the need to make wise choices. My troubled heart and fearful thoughts are presently stemming from my own thinking and the suggestions of the enemy. He never comes in full force, but instead brings slight movement to my internal sea of emotions. If I don’t do battle at the first sign of trouble the stirring gets more profound. The longer I wait, the more fierce the storm that brews. I am learning not to let it get to the point of a full force hurricane! I can no longer claim ignorance to his methods and persistence. As long as I am drawing breath on this earth, he is going to be prowling and looking for the most effective way to attack me. I do not have to let him and I do not have to allow my heart to become troubled because of him.

I also do not have to fear that somehow I will fail the tests, lose the battle, be abandoned by my Abba Father, find myself alone and defenseless, or be completely removed from the precious journey He has me on. Each attack, each struggle, each battle, becomes a means of strengthening me for the next. I am continually learning better ways to fight. I no longer feel like a sitting duck. At least now I am a moving target…and one who is praying Scripture and singing praises as I move. I am learning the power of my words and God’s Words. At times I have believers who come along side me to cheer me on and straighten me out. I value them highly. But at ALL times, the God of Heaven and Earth stands with me in incredible ways. I revel in that!

Father, I claim Your words as my own today. I receive the peace You offer to me. Anoint me afresh! Amen.

Taking Charge

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 (King James Version)

The purposes, thoughts, perceptions, and schemes of my mind are significant. They are powerful enough to direct the course of my day. If left unattended they can run rampant and cause major trouble for me. Until recently I was not too good at taking charge of the things that entered my mind or the things I proceeded to dwell on. Once a negative thought toward myself or another individual became a part of my thinking process, I either let it take over or had some ineffective battles with it. Usually my attempt at controlling my thoughts was to simply counter them with better thoughts. If it was a lie I would try to think on what was true. If it was negative, I would try to think of something positive. If I couldn’t ignore it I felt I could at least replace it. I thought this was what the Bible meant when it said to take every thought captive. At best I was barely staying ahead of the mental games. My thoughts were still more in charge than I was.

God has had to open my eyes to something I was missing. He did so by bringing today’s verse to mind. Within it are housed two essential steps for finally being in control of my thoughts. Step one is to cast down the subtle imaginations and speculations that come across my mental path. Much like a wall the enemy is attempting to build with one “brick” at a time, I am to pull down and demolish the construction of the wall. Step two is to then lead the thought away like I would a prisoner. And where better to lead the thought than straight to the throne room of God, where He will then cast it into outer darkness. It is not only a demolition, it is a dethroning!

The incredible part is that this does not take a long time to do. As soon as I am aware of an approaching dangerous thought, my effective prayer is as follows: I cast that thought down and command it to go right to the throne room of God! I ask for a fresh anointing of my mind by the Spirit of God and the blood of Christ. I take authority over my mind and my thoughts. In Jesus name I pray, amen. Sometimes the prayer may vary but the content remains. This prayer was birthed in me just three days ago and I am in open mouthed wonder at the powerful effect it has had on me. I gladly offer it to any who are barely battling their own thoughts. I am breathing the first precious breaths of emotional and mental freedom that I have known little of in my Christian life. To God be the glory!

Father, I praise You for the power of effective prayer. Rule my life as I reign in my thoughts. The many trips to Your throne room each day are a delight! Amen.

All Inclusive and Possible

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:27 (New International Version)

Jesus’ answer to His disciples regarding their confusion over something He said, is quickly becoming a needed ray of hope for me. While I could have quoted this verse with ease many times, I am finding there are places in my life where I have failed to appropriate it and believe it with confidence. Like the rooms of a house, there are areas I have conveniently closed the door to with the mind set that those parts of me will never change. I have come to view them as permanent and unfixable. Although the desire for transformation has been strong the hope has been non existent. While I could express it in many different ways, the bottom line is that I didn’t believe God would ever do a radical work in me. Others could be changed, healed, and set free but not me. I felt like my particular strongholds, addictions, and weaknesses were my permanent lot in life and it would simply be a matter of asking for the grace to fight them. But true change and deliverance was not what I dared to hope for.

It was this realization of resignation that God has used to actually give me hope. In light of today’s verse, I can now see that what I believed to be hopeless and permanent was simply another bold faced lie of the enemy! When God says “all” He means ALL! All things are possible with Him and that includes (not excludes) my personal areas of struggle and sin. I am not an exception. I am not a lost cause. I am not unfixable. I am not an impossibility. I am a prime candidate for His miraculous work of transformation and deliverance. In my day to day life, I can experience old things passing away and all things becoming new!

So starting TODAY I am choosing to believe God for a number of things. I am believing Him for transformation of my mind and heart. I am believing Him for the breaking of ALL strongholds and addictions. I am believing Him for freedom. I am believing Him for a new way to live life. I am believing Him to do all that is impossible for me to do. By God’s grace I am point blank believing Him. And with that belief, I choose to live with a renewed hope. My self imposed life sentence has just been revoked and I am stepping out of the prison of lies and limitations. I am now ready to live as if the miracle has already taken place!

Father, I confess my sin of unbelief to You. I look to You to do what only You can do in me. I receive Your promise of healing and wholeness. Amen.

Choosing to Refuse

Do not receive an accusation against an elder except from two or three witnesses. I Timothy 5:19 (New King James Version)

My opinion of another person needs to be based on truth. That is the reason God established the principal that accusations must be based and received on the basis of several eye witnesses. Whether it is within the walls of a church, a place of business, or ones home a spirit of accusation is alive and well and must be recognized and rebuked at all times.

I can think of three sources of false accusations that I must be acutely aware of and on guard against. They would be other people, Satan, and myself. It is imperative that I not allow the words of one person to sway my opinion about another person, especially when it puts the other person in a bad light. I would be wise to consider the fact that what they are saying may not even be true. Since we cannot see another person’s thoughts, heart, intentions, or motives, we have to be careful when someone claims to know such things. Often the things we are hearing are based more upon what someone else said to them, rather than on what was actually witnessed by them. Giving the accused the benefit of the doubt would go a long way.

Scripture refers to Satan as the “accuser of the brethren” and he takes his role seriously. He is a master at accusing us before God and one another. He loves to twist and distort things until someone stands in the worst possible light. Many have been the number of relationships ruined because of lies fed to us by the father of lies. We would be wise to ask God to reveal to us whether or not Satan is behind the spirit of accusation that runs rampant through our minds and our conversations.

While I must be careful not to receive accusations that come from people and Satan, I must be even more careful to question and reject the accusations that are birthed within my own mind from my own places of brokenness and sin. In times of personal disappointment my mind can readily think up many false accusations about another person and then proceed to dwell on them. I must be on my guard during the times I begin to read between the lines, misinterpret another’s words or actions, or draw wrong conclusions based on unmet needs. While there may be times my perception is right, there are many more times it is not.

When I find myself changing my opinion of another person based on one of these three sources, I must ask God to give me discernment as to whether or not I am hearing the truth. If I am uncertain, it would be best to reject the accusation rather than believe and receive it. May I be willing to give others the benefit of the doubt and guard their reputations in my mind.

Father, I cringe at the times I have too readily accepted a false accusation about You, another person, or even myself. Help me to walk in the light and hold to the truth every time. Amen.

Owning the Words

And he said, “O man greatly beloved, fear not! Peace be to you; be strong, yes, be strong!” So when he spoke to me I was strengthened, and said, “Let my lord speak, for you have strengthened me.” Daniel 10:19 (New King James Version)

To see yourself as God’s greatly beloved and to receive strength and encouragement from Him, is when the Christian life becomes one of intimacy, growth, and security. For decades, I knew very little of either of these experiences. Rather than look to God for my identity, completeness, and encouragement, I looked to people. Their view of me and words to me could either put me on a mountain of high emotion or plunge me into a valley of despair. The tranquility of my soul rested solely on them. I did not know what it was like to sense that God viewed me as precious, desirable, beautiful, valuable, goodly, or His treasure. I did not know what it was like to receive from God those things my soul craved. Although I knew Jesus as my Savior, my attention and internal appetites were directed toward people rather than toward Him.

Even in the midst of my present journey which began in February of 2004 this has often been the case. While I have taken in wonderful truths about God and seen Him birth a devotional ministry out of those truths, there was still something missing. It wasn’t until I began reading a book by Henri Nouwen called THE INNER VOICE OF LOVE that I understood the continued battle. It is a book that adequately portrays me. Within its pages I was able to finally see myself. While I was learning the truth about God’s love and His desire to fill me with that love, I was not living out of the experience of embracing it for myself. Many times they were still words on a page to me. That is why I continued to look to other sources. I was still thinking that knowledge of God equated relationship with Him. There were times I would experience the relationship but for the most part my need for people was still over powering my personal connection with God.

The few people I would confide in could see this and I believe they have been lifting me up in prayer. The real turning point came when I finally admitted the truth to myself and to God. It has been through honest dialogue with Him that my heart and mind are changing. What use to fill me with shame, I now share openly with you. I am learning to receive His love and His words to me as His beloved. And I am learning to verbalize to Him what is going on inside of me so my needs can finally be met by Him. Instead of feeling exposed and vulnerable (as the enemy would hope for), I feel free!

I love the song YOU RAISE ME UP and treasure it more as I come to realize God is the One Whom I now look to, to raise me up!

Father, I am finally finding my home in You. Amen.

Being Mindful to Move On

And truly, if they had been mindful of that country from whence they came out, they might have had opportunity to have returned. Hebrews 11:15 (King James Version)

Where my mind goes my heart will follow. Often were the times the children of Israel longed for a return to Egypt even though it was a place of bondage. When life became difficult and they couldn’t see what lay ahead, they wished to be back in another place and time. This longing kept them from fully experiencing the present and anticipating the future. The heroes of faith listed in Hebrews 11 knew better. They knew that allowing themselves to think about the places they had been to rather than where they were at could affect their faith and focus. Their sites were set on what lay ahead rather than what they left behind.

I must determine, by God’s grace, to follow their example. As the terrain and lessons of my journey go through changes it is easy to think of the comfort zones of my past and yearn to have them back. There are certain circumstances and relationships that nurtured and strengthened me years ago and if given the chance I would probably opt for a return. But if that happened, growth would be stunted and moving forward would be impossible. Imagine a person forever being in kindergarten! Imagine an adult still being held and carried by their parent. What was at one time good and necessary for us would be an absurd hindrance now. The same is true in our walk of faith. It necessitates a ‘letting go and moving on’ lifestyle and mindset. While I may still recall pleasant moments in the past, it is imperative that I not allow the thoughts to consume me and captivate my attention. My main focus must remain on what God is doing in my life now and the direction He is taking me.

While God has used many individuals to help bring me to this point, I am aware there has been a shift. My ability to find my true identity in Christ and fully receive His unconditional love for me is requiring a letting go of many things. Allowing Him to meet my needs and satisfy me at the center of who I am will not be possible if I “return” to the past securities and shelters He once supplied for me. The growing pains of maturing in Christ are felt at times and it is then that I must take hold of Him rather than reach out for what use to be. My faith and my focus must ever be in and on Him.

Oh, to live out the truths of Philippians 3:13, “Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.” May my desire be for Him.

Father, I treasure the memories with a realization that moving on is necessary. Many relationships have changed but growth continues. Help me to look to You for the care and nurturing my soul craves. Amen.

The Reward of Death

I die daily. I Corinthians 15:31 (King James Version)

I have spent the last year and a half keeping alive something in me that needed to die. It was an attitude of my heart and I gave it life every time I recounted the loss, pain, and disappointment. I breathed life into its existence each time I reviewed it in my mind or in conversation with others. While I wanted freedom from the effects it had on me I was unwilling to put it to death…..until recently. God brought me to a point where I saw the attitude for what it was and I realized the price I was paying by keeping it alive.

It is not that I had never confessed it before. I had…many times. It is not that I didn’t want freedom. I did…often. It was that I chose to hold on and refused to let go. As God showed me what I was doing to myself and all that I was missing out on in His kingdom, my hands opened in submission and my heart broke in relinquishment. I knew there was forgiveness but I was not prepared for the sense of freedom that would come. That which I had struggled with and wondered if I would ever be free from, lost its grip as I released mine. I felt like my entire chest cavity had just been cleaned out and an antihistamine had been infused into my spirit. There was no longer the desire to harbor the attitude and feast off its presence.

Jesus said in John 12:24 that “unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it will abide alone. But if it dies it will bring forth much fruit.” Putting to death this attitude in myself through confession, brokenness, and release, has begun to bring forth fruit. The fruit is being seen in different areas. My perspective is coming in line with God’s perspective. Peace and joy are being experienced. And my prayer life is taking on a new dimension. As I intercede for others who battle attitudes of the heart I realize afresh the activity of the enemy in their life, the real source of their pain, and the needed work God will have to do in them. The bondage I lived in and the freedom I experienced will now be used to minister to others.

God has truly brought me through the most difficult circumstance of my life so far. There were times I wasn’t sure deliverance would ever be mine. So often I felt I was a terminal case and hope waned. But God knew better and so did many believers who came along side me and consistently told me the truth. I thank each one of them and praise a God who was intent on my “death.”

Father, I am still in an “I don’t believe it is finally over” mode. My heart is over whelmed with gratitude to You. While there is still work to be done in many areas, I have tasted of freedom that can only come from You. Amen.

Uprooting the Root

Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled. Hebrews 12:14,15 (New King James Version)

I am becoming acutely aware of the fact that my biggest problem is not the circumstances or people in my life. My biggest problem is my own heart. What my heart chooses to hold on to and justify will be what places me in bondage. Until I recognize that and take the appropriate steps to rectify it I will not walk in freedom or daily connection with the heart of God. Neither will I grow or move forward in my Christian life. Today’s passage in Hebrews warns of a root of bitterness which can cause trouble and defilement (contamination).

Like a tangled web of disaster, a root of bitterness can grow to the point of completely covering my heart and my spirit. It can easily bring me to the place where truth is unable to get from my head to my heart and transformation is hindered. Along with that, it can connect and tie me to the very things I want to release. Things like painful experiences, wounds, and heartache. Unless I see the truth of this and act upon it, I will mistakenly focus on the outward circumstances of my life and walk with a victim mentality. It is a place of no comfort, no joy, and no freedom. The Christian life is reduced to empty, painful living.

Why is that a route I and so many others choose? I believe there are a number of reasons. To admit it means I must be honest about what is in my own heart…what I am really like. Once I admit the truth about myself I must take responsibility for my actions and attitudes that have gone awry. With responsibility comes an awareness of a need to change. As long as I can blame my circumstances and others for the way I feel and live, I can somehow hold them responsible for the condition of my life. But that will never bring about change or freedom. That will only keep me in bondage.

If I allow Him, God will expose any root of bitterness and through confession will begin to clear away the tangled mess. As I embrace His forgiveness and mercy there is an ability to open my clenched fists and closed heart which finally releases me from my own prison of pain. While it may take awhile to come to this point, the deliverance is instantaneous!

Father, I praise You for exposing my heart and root of bitterness. I receive Your forgiveness and dance in Your freedom. Amen.

He Knows

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are ~ yet without sin. Hebrews 4:15 (New International Version)

Recently, I took comfort in the words of author Henri Nouwen. As I read the following words I could tell he KNEW how I felt. After the demise of a deeply satisfying friendship he wrote, “Intellectually I knew that no human friendship could fulfill the deepest longing of my heart. I knew that only God could give me what I desired. I knew that I had been set on a road where nobody could walk with me but Jesus. But all this knowledge didn’t help me in my pain.” He went on to warn about two extremes to avoid in the midst of pain, “Being completely absorbed in your pain and being distracted by so many things you stay far away from the wound you want to heal.” I drank in his words because he had been where I am at and I finally felt someone understood! It is through his personal hurts, agony, and sorrow that he can so eloquently address mine. Although he no longer lives in this world, his books are strengthening and comforting me as so few people seem to be able to do.

This is the same picture I need to get of Jesus. He can sympathize with me. He understands even better than Henri Nouwen how I feel. He knew heartache, abandonment, and rejection in far greater ways than I will ever experience, and yet He will not treat my circumstance as unimportant. He has healing for me and knows I have yet to fully experience it. He sees the times I try to anesthetize the pain with more relationships, more activities, even more intake of Scripture. He knows the search that seems to yield so few results. He knows the struggle I have to implement what well meaning people advise. He knows how easily I want to hide or deny my own thoughts and feelings. He knows the times my spirit and my shoulders slump in hopelessness. But He also knows none of this is the end of the story. He already knows the day truth will finally set me free.

For now, I hold on to the hope, hand, and robe of my High Priest who identifies with me and upholds me. As one song so aptly states it, “His strength is perfect when our strength is gone.” He continues to whisper His reminders to me and listens as I whisper my thoughts back to Him. In the aloneness of every day life, He is my constant Companion and Confidante.

Father, may You speak to and touch the deepest parts of me. Amen.

Getting Out of the Way

“O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter?” says the LORD. “Look, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel!” Jeremiah 18:6 (New King James Version)

I have often enjoyed watching the program CLEAN HOUSE. The idea is for the designers to come into a house that is a complete mess, sell as many items as they can in a garage sale, use the money to help finance a house make-over, clean the house, and present the home owners with an unbelievable improvement. I have watched as people get their first view of what has been done. Mouths drop open, tears fall, and gratitude is abundant. But sad to say, there are actually people who get in the way and limit what the designers want to do. They have a hard time giving up anything and once they finally allow things to be put up for sale they are out there reclaiming the items. They had two problems. They resisted change and they didn’t trust the designers. In the end the designers are not always able to do all that they had wanted to do.

It has not taken much for God to show me the similarities between these people and myself in a spiritual realm. I, too, have resisted change, reclaimed things I once yielded, and found myself blocking the Designer of my life. I say I want to be transformed. I say I want God to have His way in my life. I say I want Him to do what is for His glory and my good. But when it comes down to the actual process I see myself resisting His work. Like the people on CLEAN HOUSE, I often resist change and lack trust in the Designer. This revelation has woken me up!

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and realize God had so much more to do in me and through me than I allowed. And I don’t want my time here on earth to be spent embracing the very things He wants to replace. His ways are higher than my ways. His plans are better than my plans. He understands my tears and my fears and with each He simply says, “Trust Me. Cooperate with Me. Yield to Me.” Whatever or whomever He chooses to remove from my life, He removes with nail scarred hands and a love filled heart. His exchanges are NEVER a down scale interaction. They are always an improvement!

So this morning, I once again take His hand and choose to embrace His grace rather than my pain. His freedom rather than my fear. His joy rather than my sorrow. He never said it would be easy but He did say it would be worth it! I am ready to get out of the way as He works to woo me to Himself and make me like Himself.

Father, You know me better than anyone else does. I am finally ready to trust You with abandon. Have Your way and will in my life. Amen.

A Banner to Wave

To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy. Jude 24 (New International Version)

Many have been the times I have looked at my Christian life and wondered if I was doing anything right. The enemy would parade my failures and poor choices in front of me and the procession who bring about shame, condemnation, and guilt. He had me convinced much of my growth and journey rested on my shoulders and I had to somehow muster up the energy to keep pace with demands and requirements. It was like wearing cinder blocks on my feet and lead chains on my spirit. Burdensome, hard, and nearly impossible were the slogans that greeted me along the way. But the twenty-fourth verse of Jude makes a clean sweep of that way of thinking!

This morning I once again take in God’s involvement in my life and the end result of His involvement. He has the capability, strength, and willingness to keep me established in my faith. He is like a father who has a firm grip on a toddler’s hand and keeps him upright and moving forward. His eye is on every move I make! As I was reminded earlier this week, we are each ordinary people who serve an extraordinary God! He invites us to take His yoke upon us and He will carry the vast majority of the weight. Even though I am aware of the necessity for me to cooperate with Him and walk in obedience to Him, He is the one infusing me with the power to do so. It rests on Him and He takes that very seriously!

But I am also aware of the end of the story. I do not have to fear standing before Him one day and wonder how I will be viewed and accepted. Because of His work in me, I will stand before Him without reproach, fault, blemish, or blame and while I do so, He and I will both have extreme joy over it! He will be the reason for the celebration and exultation! His grace, His mercy, and His transforming work will be the basis for my stability and my stand.

So the next time the enemy of my soul invites me to his distorted parade, Jude 24 will be my banner of triumph to wave and my sword to wield. His view and his interpretation are no match for that of my Father! The same is true for any who know Him as Savior. Christ longs for us to finally see the truth and to embrace it!

Father, Your Word is what I hold up today as my shield and my sword. May I remind myself and the enemy of what You say about my life in You. Amen.

The Results of Practice

But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil. Hebrews 5:14 (New American Standard Bible)

Our actions and words are driven by our thoughts and intentions of our heart. Change the thoughts and you change the actions. That is what Romans 12:2 means when it says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” And Philippians 4:8 gives us a list of what our thoughts should be directed toward: whatever is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of a good report, and praiseworthy. Those words should not only describe our thoughts, they should also describe our words and actions.

So how does one go from thinking, saying, and doing the wrong things, to thinking, saying, and doing the right things? Practice! If I want to become good at discerning between good and evil, I must put into use the right choices on a daily basis. Each time I act upon what I know to be true and think upon what I know to be right, I sharpen my senses for discernment and sound judgment. If God is going to change my life it will be through the reformation of my mind. But it is imperative that I take the things He is showing me and I put them into practice as the opportunities arise. This will not happen by accident. It must be purposeful, determined living. My will and thinking must give way to His Spirit and His truth.

Old ways of thinking will only lose their hold on me as I choose to release them. Often that is easier said than done. I find there are times I will readily take in truth but releasing what has been comfortable or familiar to me is what is difficult. Change is forthcoming when the results of my way of thinking are no longer enjoyable. As Anais Nier so aptly stated, “And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” My blossoming happens every time I allow God to expose the lies I have come to believe and then choose to replace them with the truth. It is a necessary process I go through EVERY time my feelings, emotions, and thoughts become skewed. Any more, when I have a negative response to something that is said or done to me, I automatically start searching for the lie and then the truth. That practice is maturing me in my walk of faith. Because it has taken me so long to learn this and because it is still so new to me, I marvel each time it works! The freedom astounds me and the change moves me to a deeper appreciation for the work of God in my life. The doubts I once had as to whether or not this could work for me have been replaced by tested experience! I praise Him!

Father, guide me through the steps of sound practice and good choices today. I know the results will be powerful as I cooperate fully with You. Amen.

Back on Track

Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day. Psalm 25:5 (New American Standard Bible)

I have a passion for God and sometimes that passion can head me off in some wrong directions. There are certain things I long for God to do in my life and in my eagerness to see Him work I can easily take matters into my own hands and find myself on a trail of my own making. Without a continual looking to Him and a patient, expectant waiting on Him, I can simply get off balanced and off track. I can even divert my attention from His leading and teaching to that of others.

How do I know when this has happened? My stability gets shaky, my joy diminishes, my energy wanes, confusion sets in, and I begin to feel lost. A heaviness affects my walk and my heart. When any of these things begin to mark my day I know something is amiss and before long I am in search of an answer. God is gracious to give me the answer as soon as I direct my attention and my questions toward Him. Such was the case yesterday.

I recently became aware of the personal effects that stem from being brought up in a home with alcoholism. I didn’t realize that there are similar characteristics for those who shared a parallel background. There is even a name for it……Adult Children of Alcoholics. They have books. They have meetings. They have information. As I began to make some connections between my thought processes and actions as an adult with the events of my childhood, I plunged into a river of information. The trouble was that it was too much too fast and what should have been a helpful tool became an overload on my emotions as well as my spirit.

God’s solution? Set it all aside for now and return to the truths of Scripture. While God can certainly use the books, meetings, and experiences of others to help me understand myself better, He wants me to know that ultimately the healing and wholeness will come from Him. So yesterday I began re-reading a book by Neil Anderson called Who I Am In Christ and last night I went for a walk and immersed myself in some life-giving music. I can already sense a return to ‘normal’ as I once again look to God to lead me and teach me. I wouldn’t want it any other way!

Father, keep drawing me back to Yourself every time I walk a path that is not of You. I want deep healing that comes from You rather than one I attempt through self effort. I wait, watch, and rest. Amen.

It's a Choice

Let us discern for ourselves what is right; let us learn together what is good. Job 34:4 (New International Version)

If I had to put my most recent God-taught lesson into one simple phrase it would be this, “I have a choice.” I have recently experienced the rewards, benefits, healing, and blessing of making right choices and I have many memories of the painful consequences that are forthcoming when I make the wrong choices. The truth of the matter is that for years I was blind to the options. While some people have faltered in the area of morality, responsibility, addictions, or legal issues, my struggle has been with emotions and feelings. What has ruled me for so many years is becoming a targeted area for freedom by my Abba Father.

While there are numerous examples I could give, my attention is being drawn to one this morning. God is revealing to me my tendency to follow patterns of thought and behavior….particularly when it comes to disappointment. It is in times when people are not able to give me what I want or plans have been interrupted or changed that certain feelings surface. Up until recently I wasn’t sure what to do with the feelings. While I would condemn myself for having them I quickly chose to simply bury them and go into a withdrawal mode. Relationships would suffer as I curled up into a ball of hurt, anger, and pity. My focus was off and as a result I was imprisoned in a damaging cycle of emotions. Praise God that is not the end of the story!

After months of a friend’s counsel and input, I decided to test a truth she had shared with me. I decided to accept the fact that the problem was not in what was happening but rather in my interpretation and resulting feelings. “What am I feeling at this moment” became my soul searching question. Events and situations are usually triggering emotions from painful memories. As I allow God to help me identify the feelings and we work together to go back to the early introductions of those feelings, I am then able to release them to Him and stop the cycle I have become accustomed to living out. I have stood open mouthed with amazement that I have this option and that it works! I have seen the power in this process and experienced freedom beyond my wildest imaginations.

I have crossed a bridge of choice and proceed to burn that bridge behind me as a way of not returning to an old way of living. My emotions and feelings have ruled and fooled me for far too many years. Choice and truth are what God is using to set me free and I am embracing them both!

Father, I marvel that I went so long unaware of choice. But I marvel even more at the freedom that is coming through You! Amen.

Letting Others Know

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availed much. James 5:16 (King James Version)

There are two things I use to find difficult to share with others. One was my sins, failures, weaknesses, and struggles. The other was my need for prayer. I was convinced if people knew my places of sin, sorrow, and brokenness, they would change their view of me, reject me, or just plain abandon me. I also failed to see the power and necessity of their prayers. If given, prayer requests remained general in nature as a way to not disclose any real needs of the heart. The enemy of our souls loves it when we don’t see the truth and freedom of these two aspects of the body of Christ. On the other hand, our Abba Father delights to see us embrace the truth of His words to us.

Yesterday I experienced both areas. While at work I began struggling with thoughts the enemy was using against me in order to take me down an emotional spiral. Within a few hours I knew I was in trouble. Instantly, God brought to mind a friend who is a prayer warrior. I reached for my cell phone and did something I have never done before. I sent a text to her which said, “Pray for me. Choices are hard today.” She knew what I meant as she has been helping me to see that I have a choice in the area of my thoughts. Within minutes the thoughts subsided and I began to think clearly once again. God proceeded to walk me through the necessary steps to regain my footing. Within the hour I was able to text back to her, “Victorious at last.” The rest of my afternoon went amazingly smooth! The enemy knows (and I am learning) the power that comes when we allow fellow believers to lift us up in prayer. If this is something you are not doing, I invite you to seek out the prayer warriors in your life and avail yourself of their willingness to help you in this way.

Along with that, God has placed in my life precious individuals with whom I can discuss the areas of struggle from my past and present. Last night I experienced the joy and strength of one such conversation. This is not a time to simply air my dirty laundry. This is a part of my journey to freedom! These are individuals who will listen, advise, and pray. They celebrate God’s steady work in my life and continually assure me they are not going ANYWHERE. They are my God given guard rails and support beams on this journey. I treasure them!

Father, You never meant for me to walk isolated from Your body of believers. Thank you for the ones You have crossed my path with. May Your hand of blessing be on each one of them today. Amen.