What Am I Living Out Of?

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. Galatians 5:16 (New American Standard Bible)

I have often limited “the desires of my flesh” to the mere physical aspects of myself, but it is more than that. It includes my human nature and all that is within me that seeks to live independent of God. For the past few days, God has been challenging me to live out of my spirit…that part of me that lives in relationship with Him…rather than out of my mind, will, and emotions. That my actions would be a result of my connection to Him rather than in self-sufficient, self-governing ways.

I am learning to test which route I am taking. Learning to discern what is driving me in a certain direction. Recently, it has had to do with getting emotional needs met. How easily I tend to head toward my preferred sources. The simple sharing of a problem, looking for a “fix” for that empty feeling, wanting someone or something other than God to take me out of a mood, feeling, or mindset. It has been a survival skill I learned decades ago and one from which God is seeking to free me.

The pattern has usually been as follows: I begin feeling lonely, sad, or fearful. I start thinking of the people who have relieved me of those feelings in the past and I seek to make contact with them. If they are available, I can find relief for a brief amount of time. If they are not available, the feelings become more profound and the darkness sets in. The light came on for me when God helped me to see how emotionally driven I am and how the sources I am looking to are unable to take care of me on the level that I need. It is a dangerous thing for me to share my heart or problems with another person simply to find relief from any negative thoughts or feelings that wrap themselves around me.

God’s answer? Start asking Him to help me live out of my spirit rather than my flesh. Turn to Him for my comfort, answers, and healing. When I most want another person to lift me up is when I most need to seek His presence and help. There is a time and a place for people in my life. God is not telling me to step away completely from them. He is simply telling me they can no longer be my “drug of choice” amidst pain, disappointment, grief, or aloneness. What I have been convinced of for so long has not been nor ever will be His choice for me.

Father, when I most want to live out of my emotions, help me to turn to You. Help me to turn from the broken cisterns of my life to You, the living Fountain. Amen.

Dwelling Places - Don Moen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRCgBrIJ-I0&feature=related

Fixing my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith!