What Does It All Mean?

I the LORD will answer him who comes, according to the multitude of his idols, that I may seize the house of Israel by their heart, because they are all estranged from Me by their idols. Therefore say to the house of Israel, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD: Repent, turn away from your idols, and turn your faces away from all your abominations. Ezekiel 14:4-6 (New King James Version)

In the summer of 2006 God severed a person whom I had become dependent upon from my life. At the time, I called it the removal of an idol. All ties were cut, all communication ceased. The year that followed entailed a lot of tears and painful choices. One of those choices was to shred and burn two years worth of emails and to part with memorabilia that I had collected and treasured. I longed for freedom from the hold this relationship had on me and also from the hurt, disappointment, and pain the separation had caused. When it was all said and done, I had managed to clear away the external parts of idolatry….much like the children of Israel destroying their idols of wood, silver and gold…but wondered if anything had transpired internally.

While this person is no longer a part of my life or my journey, I still have within me a pull toward people and close relationships. I still find myself seeking the comfort, advice, and encouragement of those I value. I believe without a doubt that God uses people to comfort, advise, and encourage us, and yet when I reach out to embrace the relationships I fear I have once again set up an idol in my heart. Today’s passage haunts me with words like multitudes of idols, estranged, repent, turn away, abominations. Tears are close to the surface when I consider the possible loss of more individuals in my life.

I am asking God (pleading with God) to show me the heart issues that need to be dealt with. He knows my fears and at this time my skewed thinking of Himself. He knows I am questioning whether or not the letting go of mindsets and heart issues will entail letting go of the very people He has brought into my life. He also knows I am not sure how much of my unsettled thinking is of Him or the enemy.

Today will be a day of answers. I start with the premise that God loves me and is trustworthy. He is not intent on hurting me but on helping me. He alone can clear my mind of false information and unfounded fears. His Word is not meant to haunt me but rather to heal and restore me. I look to Him.

Father, I am not at peace with myself or with You. Hold me. Speak to me. Show me what I am failing to see. Help me to hear Your voice and understand Your words. I look to You. Amen.

Help Me, God - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmSSWHO8ueA&feature=PlayList&p=0292C1E0257C0CAB&playnext=1&index=44

He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food. Job 36:16

The Need for Review

For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little, there a little.” Isaiah 28:10 (New King James Version)

When it comes to learning, I have a tendency to follow a certain pattern which is learn and move on, learn and move on. I am often surprised and at times dismayed to see that growth necessitates a lot of review as stated in today’s verse. Precept upon precept, line upon line. I must be aware that truth does not instantly become mine upon the first introduction of it. It is something I must continually bring to the forefront of my thinking. Every time wrong thinking, poor attitudes, or distorted views become prominent to me, I must review the truth that will counter and conquer the wrong ideas.

So what are the truths I am needing to review of late? One person (outside of Jesus Himself) cannot know or meet all of my needs. As long as I live in a fallen world with a fallen nature I will experience hurts, heartaches and failure at times. No relationship in my life is unchangeable. Lack of communication from those I care deeply for does not mean lack of love. God does not see only my weaknesses and broken places. God’s purpose and plans for my life are not insignificant or unnecessary. God will finish what He started in me. God has a multitude of ways to reveal Himself and my own heart to me. My past does not define me. I am not unfixable or unloved. That which I am battling today will not be a life long battle. God will never take His eyes or His hands off me.

For any who feel they are spinning their wheels, taking two steps backwards for each step forward, wasting God’s time and investment in them, a disappointment to God and others, not worth knowing, and so far from where they want to be, know that you are not alone. Many others, including myself, have those same thoughts daily, and the only hope of victory is continually reviewing the truth that will set us free. While it would be nice to have a person available to persistently remind us of the truth, that is not possible. What is possible is for the Spirit to remind us of the truth each time we are confronted with the lies. A simple prayer of, “Show me the truth. Help me see and live by what is true,” will result in profound review. It is a day by day, moment by moment reconsideration and reintroduction of lessons learned and truths taught.

Father, I come again in need of Your words of truth. Refresh my spirit with Your facts, reality, and assurances. I look to You. I need You. Amen.

Thy Word - Maranatha Singers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SLHWFpSlq4&feature=related

He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food. Job 36:16

Learning to Question God

Why did I ever come out of the womb to see trouble and sorrow and to end my days in shame? Jeremiah 20:18 (New International Version)

Have you ever brought painful questions to God? David, Job, and Jeremiah have left us examples of prayer lives that included questioning God and His ways. For some of us, that is quite a stretch to our perception of prayer and what we consider allowable. We have yet to reach the point that our biblical ancestors reached…..honest, open dialogue with the God who knows every intimate detail of our heart and mind. Some of us are still living with the idea that if we don’t speak it then it isn’t there. What God wants us to see is that our thoughts speak as loudly as our words to Him.

So what stops us from verbalizing our feelings and thoughts to God? Maybe fear that they will anger God. Maybe the hopes that they will go away on their own. Maybe our self imposed categories of acceptable and unacceptable topics. Maybe being brought up in homes where open dialogue was rare. Maybe the sense that “real” Christians don’t entertain such feelings.

I am not saying if we ask God the difficult questions that we will always get an answer that satisfies our need to know or will cause everything to make sense. What I am saying is God is safe to confide in. Many times He will use our own questions to awaken us to truths about Himself and the conditions of our own heart. It is through the questioning that we can see our own areas of discontent, distrust, disobedience, and disappointment. If we allow it, truth will make its way into our core belief system and our perception and feelings will begin to change.

If you want a good example of such a prayer of gut level honesty, open your Bible to Jeremiah 20 and learn from one whose life was filled with difficulties and hardships brought about by speaking God’s truth to God’s people. Then begin to let God walk you through your own personal experience of sharing your heart with Him. Nothing you say will surprise, shock, or anger Him. He will not shut you down or shut you out. He will listen and then He will begin to give you answers you never imagined you would hear. Trust me, your prayer life will never be the same!

Father, You require truth in the inward parts and that means even in our conversations with you. Thank you that nothing we say will be taken wrong by You. Lord, teach us to pray. Amen.

Help Me, God - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmSSWHO8ueA&feature=related

Fixing my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith!

What Am I Living Out Of?

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. Galatians 5:16 (New American Standard Bible)

I have often limited “the desires of my flesh” to the mere physical aspects of myself, but it is more than that. It includes my human nature and all that is within me that seeks to live independent of God. For the past few days, God has been challenging me to live out of my spirit…that part of me that lives in relationship with Him…rather than out of my mind, will, and emotions. That my actions would be a result of my connection to Him rather than in self-sufficient, self-governing ways.

I am learning to test which route I am taking. Learning to discern what is driving me in a certain direction. Recently, it has had to do with getting emotional needs met. How easily I tend to head toward my preferred sources. The simple sharing of a problem, looking for a “fix” for that empty feeling, wanting someone or something other than God to take me out of a mood, feeling, or mindset. It has been a survival skill I learned decades ago and one from which God is seeking to free me.

The pattern has usually been as follows: I begin feeling lonely, sad, or fearful. I start thinking of the people who have relieved me of those feelings in the past and I seek to make contact with them. If they are available, I can find relief for a brief amount of time. If they are not available, the feelings become more profound and the darkness sets in. The light came on for me when God helped me to see how emotionally driven I am and how the sources I am looking to are unable to take care of me on the level that I need. It is a dangerous thing for me to share my heart or problems with another person simply to find relief from any negative thoughts or feelings that wrap themselves around me.

God’s answer? Start asking Him to help me live out of my spirit rather than my flesh. Turn to Him for my comfort, answers, and healing. When I most want another person to lift me up is when I most need to seek His presence and help. There is a time and a place for people in my life. God is not telling me to step away completely from them. He is simply telling me they can no longer be my “drug of choice” amidst pain, disappointment, grief, or aloneness. What I have been convinced of for so long has not been nor ever will be His choice for me.

Father, when I most want to live out of my emotions, help me to turn to You. Help me to turn from the broken cisterns of my life to You, the living Fountain. Amen.

Dwelling Places - Don Moen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRCgBrIJ-I0&feature=related

Fixing my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith!

Clear and Not-So-Clear Directions

The word of the LORD came to Jonah the son of Amittai saying, “Arise, go to Nineveh the great city and cry against it, for their wickedness has come up before Me.” Jonah 1:1,2 (New American Standard Bible)

One of the things I see and at times stand envious of in Bible times is God’s direct message to His servants. There was no mistaking God’s call to Jonah. He was hand-picked by God for a specific mission. There was no question as to Who was sending him, where he was to go, and what he was to do. Things are not always so clear cut for us today.

I have listened to missionaries talk of God’s call on their life. At some point, they knew where it was God was sending them. From that time on they moved in that direction. Many times it takes years for them to get to the mission field but the call keeps them on course. Others know the job God would have them take. They sense His leading into certain fields. One thing is sure, once they are in the place of God’s choosing they know they are there.

There are times I want God to do the same for me! I want direction that is clear. Instructions that are understandable. I want to know that I know what He has in mind for me. But I am learning God is not tied into any one system of dealing with us as His beloved children. For some, He spells things out clearly. But for the rest of us we feel more like Abraham who knew to go but had no idea exactly where he was going. His was a daily journey of simply following God moment by moment. We might also feel like Joseph who had dreams (literally) and yet spent years wondering how they would ever come about. His circumstances did not yield proof of what was to come. Talk about a walk of faith!

In March of 2005, God gave me a verse during a time of prayer in the privacy of a motel room. It was 2 Chronicles 25:9b which says, “The LORD has much more to give you than this.” In one aspect, He has continually fulfilled those words in my daily walk with Him. But when I view it in terms of future ministry and service it becomes a test of faith. Like Joseph, my present circumstances yield no proof. I can often feel like the student at the back of the classroom waving my hand and saying, “Pick me” only to be over-looked. How easily I can put that human aspect on God and yet it is not true. He is not over looking me, ignoring me, or placing me on a permanent shelf of inactivity. He has a plan and He has impeccable timing. I may not see all that He is doing or understand His purposes but I can allow Him to develop in me a trust in Him. His Word and His hand are what I hold on to today.

Father, this journey I am on is built on faith in You. Help me to know that You will open the way for me to go. I follow Your lead. Amen.

Make Me a Servant - Maranatha Singers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rznoe3zKxM

I welcome your questions and comments to any devotional thoughts. I am honored and delighted to share my journey with you and privileged to hear of yours.

What's Missing?

But be doers of the Word [obey the message], and not merely listeners to it, betraying yourselves [into deception by reasoning contrary to the Truth]. James 1:22 (Amplified Bible)

I am a learner and a listener by nature. I love to hear truth and I take it in quite easily. I am also a talker and a teacher by nature and love to give out what I have taken in. When I learn something new I can’t wait to share it with others. Communication, whether written or spoken, is where a huge part of my gifting and calling reside. That is one of the reasons I enjoy writing and sending out email devotionals. Sharing with others what God is teaching me, showing me, and instilling in me is exciting even at early morning hours.

For the past five years I have been on a constant motion of learning truth and sharing truth, but God has begun to nudge me to add something that has been missing. In the midst of learning and in the midst of sharing, I am also to be DOING the very things I am taking in and giving out. If not, I am missing a big part of the whole reason to know truth. A person who is presently working with me in some personal areas, is constantly saying to me, “Practice what you preach!” She knows that real change will come as I apply and practice what I am learning. Too often, I can be like the person who learns a lot about skiing through courses, books, and instructors but has yet to put on a pair of skis and head for the slopes….let alone go down them once I am there!

When is it evident that I am not living out the things about which I am talking? When difficulties hit, when life gets hard, when emotions run wild, when insecurities surface, when failures persist, when disappointments come. What I choose to do at THOSE times reveals how much application of truth is really taking place. If my tendency is to still run to others with questions, heartaches, and hard issues, then I am not yet seeing God as my shelter, provider, protector, and counselor. If difficulties lead me to wrap myself in pity and condemnation, I have not yet begun to see God as my healer and comforter.

A first step for me is asking God to soothe me in a place that hurts. To strengthen me in a moment of weakness. To guide me in a time of confusion. Bringing each issue and emotion to Him and being a recipient of His grace, mercy, peace, and help. Learning to crawl under the shadow of His wings and knowing at that moment that I am where I belong.

Father, so often my devotionals can seem like someone else’s words. They are foreign rather than familiar to me because what I am saying is not always what I am doing when life gets hard. Help me to make Your truths a part of my every day walk. I need the change that You are offering me. Amen.

Power of Your Love - Hillsong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQg6sk5B3qY

Fixing my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith!

When It Has Been Exposed

Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God. 1 Corinthians 4:5 (New International Version)

There is coming a day when all will be exposed and yet for the believer the Lord daily comes and brings to light that which is hidden in us. He pinpoints and exposes the motives of our hearts. Our reaction to what He reveals to us says a lot about our view of Him as well as our view of ourselves.

I am a hider by nature. I squirm at the thought of seeing the truth about myself especially in areas that await full healing and wholeness from the touch of His hand. That which brings me shame can often cause me to recoil in my spirit. I ache over the realization that certain aspects still mark my internal world. I long for victory yet am aware of the flaws. It is not a denial but rather a feeling of dread and disgust that fleshly tendencies still pervade and prevail. So I cower at the thoughts and cringe at the reality while sitting under a mental cloud of gloom. Not a pretty sight and not what my Father desires.

Last night, during a time of study with a friend, God revealed to me a different response to take when I come face to face with my own heart. Rather than hide, squirm, or despair, He wants me to bring the very thing I dislike in myself to Him and to ask for His grace and mercy to cover me there. That is the only way I will begin to see change take place. What I want Him to touch I must bring to Him. What I want Him to heal I must bring to Him. What I want Him to cleanse I must bring to Him. He will not be surprised by it or back away because of it.

He already knows my areas of bondage, insecurity, and emptiness. He knows the many ways I have sought to alleviate pain, fill voids, and get needs met apart from Him and how those attempts have failed. He even knows where I lack trust of Him and in Him. He sees the timidity of my steps, the shakiness of my hands, and the downward look of my eyes. In the midst of it all, hope has been ignited for I am beginning to see that the One who knows me best and loves me most stands ready to hear my cry for help. He has told me to come to Him as a child and that is exactly how I feel at the present…a mere child in dire need of His parenting.

Father, You are all about fresh beginnings and I need one now. Cover me with Your mantle of grace and mercy as I admit the truth to You and myself. I long for change. I long for You. Amen.

Sing for Joy - Don Moen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5ZWkr6RssY

He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food. Job 36:16