Believing the Lies

Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts. And see if there be any wicked way in me. Psalm 139:23, 24 (King James Version)

This morning I am looking at this verse in a different way. I use to think of God as a condemning, harsh judge who enjoyed nothing more than to pick my life apart, lay the ugly truth before me, and sharply tell me to start measuring up! With a view like THAT why would I ever feel like inviting Him to search me and know me? Activity was my way of trying to distract God from seeing the flaws or at least from me seeing them. I had somehow bought into the lie that God only sees my sin. The thought of God delighting in me, cherishing me, or loving me unconditionally was foreign to me.

But this morning as this verse came to mind I realized that God's searching is not to find out hidden things for Himself. He already knows every part of my life....inside and out. His searching is to reveal aspects of my life to myself. Sometimes that involves revealing sin to me. But many times it is also to reveal where I have been hurt, where I am still broken and bleeding, where I need to replace all the lies about God and myself with the truth.

Although at times this process can be difficult and painful it is always done with loving, gentle hands. God is continually reshaping my thinking. Just this week I have been realizing I still harbor many wrong opinions about God. When I find it difficult to tell God what I really think, feel, or fear He tells me in prayer that the difficulty comes because I still believe lies about Him. I still have someone else's face on Him. If I cower and hide I am still under the assumption that He is a God to be avoided instead of embraced. That His love is based on my performance of duties rather than a heart of love. That He prefers distance to drawing near.

He is daily helping me to see the twisted lies I have lived under. My view of Him is like a valuable painting that has been painted over. What God is doing is slowly taking away the chips of paint so that the Masterpiece of Himself can be clearly seen. And as I see the portrait restored to its original form I am able to trust His searching of me and knowing of my heart.

Father, I finally yield to Your searching and knowing. You are trustworthy, gentle, and good! Let me see what You have seen all along. Amen.