Waste Places

Indeed, the LORD will comfort Zion; He will comfort all her waste places and her wilderness He will make like Eden, And her desert like the garden of the LORD; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and sound of a melody. Isaiah 51:3 (New American Standard Bible)

There are times when life feels like a waste place, wilderness, and desert. Emotions are flat, a sense of hopelessness envelopes the soul, and one is filled with more questions than answers. It is a place I don’t like to be because it leaves me feeling like the bottom has fallen out and I begin to wonder if I am being thrown back to square one with God. Joy, gladness, thanksgiving, and music simply become the things I long for but seem far removed. Prayers are reduced to short phrases such as “Help me, God” and “Hold me, Father.” Reading the Bible seems lifeless. Attending church leaves you feeling more like an observer than a participant. You feel as though life is passing you by and you have suddenly been put in slow motion mode. Tears fall but you don’t always know why.

In the midst of the bleakness and darkness I have learned to do one thing….invite Jesus to be there with me. With Him I can freely share the confusing thoughts and insecurities. With Him I can be myself without the walls, masks, and false “okay” responses when asked how I am. He gives me permission to be silent when words elude me. He brings verses to mind when the light seems to have gone out on the path I walk. He gives me a song that will play over and over again in my mind as well as on my CD player. He gently reminds me that this too will pass.

When my mom was alive, she battled depression for most of her adult life. I well remember the empty stares and lifeless conversations. There are times I timidly ask God if that is what I am experiencing during the wilderness moments. For now, His answer is “No.” It is not depression but rather reminders that I live in a fallen world and possess a fallen nature. Expectations run high and disappointment runs deep but in the midst of it all He has promised to never leave me or forsake me. He encourages me to continue in the things I have learned and to keep looking to Him for my identity, security, and hiding place. It is a slow process at times but the promises of joy and gladness keep me hopeful.

Some will read these thoughts and see them as dark and foreboding. Others will relate and see themselves profoundly. With the latter ones I extend my hand in fellowship and understanding.

Father, be the Healer and Helper of our souls today. Help us sense Your presence and Your peace at this very moment. Amen.