When the Simple Becomes Difficult

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 (New American Standard Bible)

When I accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of 14, one of the first things I did was I began confessing every known sin I had committed in my decade and a half of life. As things came to mind I confessed them. After two weeks of admitting to God all the things I could think of, I finally said, “And if there is anything else that I can’t remember, please forgive that as well.” In essence, what I wanted was the sense of a clean slate. I wanted to feel I was stepping into a new beginning of sorts.

That was nearly 35 years ago and this morning I found myself once again standing before God with a tangled mess of past sin and regret. I am wanting the childlike faith that experiences 1 John 1:9 in its simplicity but somehow it has gotten complicated. The questions abound in my head. Am I doing it right? Am I being specific enough? Am I listing it all? It seems that I get one thing confessed and ten more come to mind. I feel like the child who has messed up her bedroom and is now standing before a parent apologizing for each individual article. It seems overwhelming and endless.

I want the clean slate/ fresh start feeling back! I want to experience the radical forgiveness the prodigal son experienced and the extravagant cleansing that David experienced. I want to join hands with the woman at the well and the woman caught in adultery who both KNEW their past was forgiven and a new life was theirs. As I think on their accounts the spoken confessions and received forgiveness seemed to be fairly quick transactions. They embraced God’s love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness in life changing ways. I want it THAT simple!

So today will be a day of asking God to teach me the truths of His forgiveness. He knows what is making me squirm and walk with caution. He knows I am missing some precious truths about His heart and willingness to completely forgive me. He knows my realization that I can’t make everything right but that doesn’t mean forgiveness is not there. He knows everything I desire to know and I turn my eyes and my ears toward Him to learn.

Father, teach me what I need to know so that I can receive what You long to give. Amen.

East to West - Casting Crowns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyoVJfADlwo