Changing the Direction

Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (New American Standard Bible)

The words stung because they were so true! Dr. Margaret Paul wrote of a woman who wanted others to “fill her up, approve of her, become responsible for her feelings of worth and safety.” It was emotional dependency in a nutshell and I could all too easily slip my name into her example. My first response was shame for having such a tendency reside in me. On the heels of shame was despondency as this continues to be an issue in my life. I have known the pain of losing someone in my life because of it and the fear of losing others as they see it as well. My question to God was, “How do I change? How do I stop looking to people to do this stuff for me and begin living without the disappointment when they can’t or won’t?

I have said it before and I will say it again, God does not bring things to the surface to condemn us but rather to show us where He wants to work. His answer to me wasn’t something I had never heard before…..numerous people have said it to me and numerous people have demonstrated it to me by their example. Breaking free of emotional dependency is found in becoming an encourager to others. Encouragement with a smile, with a hug, with a note, with a conversation, or any number of ways God brings to mind.

God’s picture to me is that I often focus on the flow of relationships going from others to myself. I look to others to make me feel good about myself, to take away pain, to fix me. God’s way is that I would see the flow of relationships going out from me to others. Finding ways to encourage and uplift them. Not for the hopes that it will make me feel better (although it will do that) but rather out of interest for them.

It is one of God’s many kingdom principles. Extend to others what I so badly crave for myself and know that God will faithfully meet every need I have. A friend who has known me most of my life once said, “Pam, because of the things that happened in your childhood, you have spent many years trying to figure out ways to get your emotional needs met.” She was right and what I am learning is that none of those ways work. God is once again giving me the answer to my dilemma…..live connected to Him and focus on others. Rather than sit at the table of life frantically looking for what I can consume, He is nudging me to walk around that table and begin serving others. As always, His ways are higher than my own and they work!

Father, purify my heart and my motives. Help me to be the encourager You have called and equipped me to be. Thank you for every example You have put in front of me. I have watched others and now it is time to follow in their steps. Amen.

Make Me a Servant - Maranatha Singers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rznoe3zKxM

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.