Pendulum Living

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17 (New American Standard Bible)

A conversation with a friend last night brought a mentality to the surface. I call it the “pendulum” mentality. The enemy of our soul is good at attempting to get us to swing from one extreme to another. I never bought into his lie that I had to earn my way to Heaven but once I accepted Christ I lived with the idea that I could somehow earn God’s love and favor if I just worked hard enough. My Christian life was revolutionized the day I realized God’s love is NOT dependent on what I do. Since that time, God has continued to show me areas in my life that are affected by a pendulum mentality.

It usually comes about when I have seen victory in an area and because I don’t want to re-enter a place of bondage I go to the other extreme. Like the person who conquers over eating only to begin starving herself, I have seen myself struggle to have a healthy balance between extremes. Emotional dependency can be replaced with the thought that I will live independent of others. This means not asking questions, not seeking advice, not letting any needs known, not fully enjoying the people God has placed in my life, and not receiving their gift of friendship or giving them mine. It is a desert island experience God is not calling me to but the enemy is inviting me to.

God is gradually slowing down the swing of the pendulum and He is using many factors to do it. For one He is using His Word and letting me see how often He crossed the paths of people with significant individuals. Sometimes the relationship lasted a life time and sometimes it was for a specific season. He is also giving me “safe” people with whom to interact. They are encouraging, truth tellers to me without condemning and judging me. They know how to lovingly redirect my thinking if I begin heading in the wrong direction. They see the work God is doing in my life and cheer me on as growth is evident. These things run both ways as they allow me to encourage them.

So how do I keep these precious relationships from becoming unhealthy attachments? I keep in mind that God is my primary Source for all things. I make sure I connect with Him on a daily basis and live out of that connection. I learn to give and receive the gift of friendship in the context of what God meant it to be. I am free to embrace God’s gifts to me but am not free to idolize them. God must be the central focus of my life. The healthier my relationship is with God, the more balanced my relationship will be with people. As I live out of this truth, the “high wire” under my feet becomes wider and wider. For any who seek to find a balance in certain areas of their life, I invite you to ask God to show you that balance and watch as He moves Heaven and Earth of do so. He longs to show each of us life is not meant to be an “all or nothing” experience!

Father, none of this has surprised You. You know the balance You have called me to and will eventually help me to fully live in it. Amen.

Keys For Kingdom Living

You shall follow the LORD your God and fear Him; and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him, and cling to Him. Deuteronomy 13:4 (New American Standard Bible)

Today’s verse is nestled among warnings to Israel to not allow anyone to seduce them away from God. His words to them are meant for our ears as well. I see them as a prescription for victorious living and ignoring them spells defeat for any of us. They are meant to be taken as a whole in order to prevent becoming obsessed or unbalanced with any one aspect. They are descriptive of a life lived in relationship with God and dependence upon God. To each of us who know Him as Savior, He whispers, “Follow Me, reverence Me, obey Me, listen to Me, serve Me, and cling to Me.” For if we reverence, listen to, and cling to God the result will be obedience and service. Not mustered up in our own strength but brought about by the Spirit who lives in us.

So I am asking God what it is that hinders this from happening on a consistent basis. His answers to me are numerous and have only begun to scratch the surface. For starters, it is identifying the tactics of the enemy and implementing warfare against him. I must realize that ANYTHING I harbor in my heart is fair game for him to use and abuse. Be it anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, jealousy, self pity, fear, ingratitude, or pride, it is imperative that I confess it and release it to God. It requires a continual inventory on my part as well as aggressive “house-cleaning.”

It is also necessary to see the importance of my words. This entails calling the enemy on his attempts against me and proclaiming the truths of Scripture against him. He should never be allowed to have the last word! Each time he approaches the door of my mind with his banner of lies and distortions I have the authority to say “no” and turn him away. But that is only part of the story. I must also proclaim the truths and praises about my Heavenly Father! To do so is empowering!

Finally, I must see the difference between needing God’s healing and deliverance for areas that are out of my control, and walking in cooperation and obedience in areas for which I have a choice. Attitudes of my heart and mind (which drive my actions and words) must be aligned with God’s truth and I must follow His prescription for walking and standing in victory.

Father, I confess I have given ground to the enemy and walked in defeat when all the while You have invited me to join You! I take Your message to heart and ask that You continue to transform my life through Your Spirit and Word as well as the renewal of my mind. Amen.

Failed Attempts at Satisfaction

As they had their pasture, they became satisfied, and being satisfied, their heart became proud, therefore they forgot Me. Hosea 13:6 (New American Standard Bible)

Satisfaction is derived when our needs and desires are fulfilled and we are gratified. And yet there is a danger when we have managed to reach that point through external means. Even when the very thing that is satisfying us came because of the graciousness of God. For it is at that point that we can very easily forget how much we need God. Troubles, depravation, rejection, and heartache make us profoundly aware of our need for God. Over abundance, comfort, and ease cause us to forget.

I find that the longer I am on this journey with God the more prone I am to pray, “Father, if it will cause me to forget You, turn from You, or live independent of You, don’t allow anything or anyone to satisfy me.” Sometimes the very thing I am looking to satisfy me is really an attempt to anesthetize myself from facing my own emptiness, pain, and sorrow. Those were things I wanted to avoid at all costs because I did not realize the simple truth that they were meant to bring me to the One who could actually heal, restore, and transform me.

God knows the one thing we are looking to for satisfaction. Be it material things, relationships, social status, individual accomplishments, education, etc… He loves us too much to allow it to become our “savior.” For a time it might work but eventually we find it is just a bandage on the gaping wounds of our soul.

For me it was relationships. I did not know all that I was looking for other individuals to do for me but I was on a search. Certain people could put me on a “high” and internal problems no longer seemed to exist. Little did I know their availability kept me from entering a deep, personal relationship with my heavenly Father. I was living with the illusion that everything was okay! God knew it was necessary to reveal the truth to me. He had to help me see the problem was not that I had problems. The problem was with whom I was turning to alleviate the pain, fill the void, and escape the truth. Out of love He has removed sources in order for me to finally turn to Him. I now admit life hurts but I am finding that God heals.

Father, thank you for not allowing true satisfaction to come from any other source besides Yourself. I praise You that the attempts failed. That in turn has led me straight to You. Amen.

He Knows the Way That I Take

By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going. Hebrews 11:8 (New American Standard Bible)

My final thoughts before I drifted off to sleep last night and my first thoughts when I awoke this morning were of a list of my ancestors found within the pages of Scripture. The list was as follows: Ruth, Joseph, Moses, Abraham, and David. Each called of God for a special time and purpose. Each required to leave what they had known to enter that which was only fully known by God. None would have experienced God’s call without leaving one place for another. In today’s verse the phrase he went out, not knowing has captured my attention.

There is a part of me that is glad God does not reveal the things that lie ahead. Many times He does not let us see the good or the bad of our future…the trials or the treasures. It is part of the faith walk He invites us to embrace. If we knew the difficulties that awaited us we would often allow fear to freeze us in our tracks. And if we knew the blessings that lay ahead we would follow simply for that reason.

I look back over the last four years of my journey and I can see where “knowing” would have robbed me of joy and the desire to move forward. When I reached for freedom He didn’t let me know it would eventually mean the loss of a teaching job as well as the loss of my husband‘s teaching job. When I embraced the teaching, nurturing, and care of a mentor He didn’t let me know the day would come when she would step away and I would be devastated. In both those cases I would now say it was worth it, but had I been told upfront, both experiences would have entailed more fear than faith and sorrow than joy. No, in His wisdom He didn’t let me know. But when each result came so did His words, “My grace is sufficient for you.” And it was!

At the same time, I have been left in tearful amazement at the “gifts of goodness” He continually gives. He didn’t let me know ahead of time the delight I would find in sending out email devotionals, the introduction of more significant relationships, and the daily adventure of being made whole by Him. No, He didn’t let me know ahead of time but with each one I hear His words, “My ways and thoughts are higher than yours.” And they are!

This all comes at a time when I know He is inviting me to turn a corner with Him. It requires letting go and moving forward. He has laid the groundwork and helped me to see that what lies ahead is fully known by Him. Embracing Him means embracing the path He has carved out for me. I want both!

Father, You know my heart as well as my thoughts. I don’t want to miss anything You have planned for me even when I know it will entail difficulties with the delights. I choose to follow. Amen.

Becoming Receptive

Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (New American Standard Bible)

I have wrestled today with the idea of being the recipient of today’s verse. I have no trouble seeing my need to encourage and build up others but I often struggle to understand God intends for me to receive encouragement and building up from others as well. It is the way He has designed for the body of Christ to function and when we do, it brings Him pleasure! Although I know this in my head and can easily say it, God knows there are reasons I am still not embracing it and living out of the joy of it.

I have found that when I struggle with God’s design of things there is usually an element of fear involved. Fear draws the enemy just as blood draws sharks. He takes advantage of any insecurities and misperceptions I house within my mind. I must be willing to take the time to allow God to uncover those fearful thoughts and inaccurate views. Then I must be willing to replace them with the truth of Scripture.

God is presently crossing my path with encouragers. I see them as gifts from Him. I value the time we spend together and the discussions we have. In their presence I am safe to open up and share what is really going on inside my head and my heart. I would venture to say they know me in ways that few people do. Having said that, you would think there would be no trouble implementing today’s verse into my life. The truth of the matter is that the enemy of my soul enjoys wreaking havoc even in the midst of God’s blessings.

Just about the time I am filled with the joy and encouragement of friends, he comes along and whispers, “Better step back. You are going to become dependent and that is not good!” So the thing which God intends for good now becomes an area of shame and condemnation. That is when I need to go to God and allow Him to tell me the truth. While it is true I need to guard my heart in the area of emotional dependency, it is also true God desires to encourage me through other believers. He has given me numerous examples in Scripture of people who were greatly used in each others’ lives. While there are some things that only God can give me there are many things that relationships can give me and God is inviting me to receive them all. When I am off balanced in either direction may He quickly bring me back to the right place. I desire that my timidity be replaced with extravagant wonder.

Father, help me to receive Your love through others with abandon. I sense Your delight when that takes place. Amen.

Finally At Home

That's why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn't stop thanking God for you—every time I prayed, I'd think of you and give thanks. Ephesians 1:15-16 (The Message)

John F. Kennedy gave us the famous quote, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” That can often times become the mantra for many churches, “Ask not what your church can do for you; ask what you can do for your church.” I spent many years thinking my main reason for being in church was to worship God, learn doctrine, and serve in some capacity. I would not argue that those are true and biblical objectives. But I often missed many other beautiful aspects of being part of a local church. Not wanting to make my church experience all about “me” I found myself struggling to become involved and at home within any body of believers.

Church, for me, had been reduced to attending, listening, remaining shallow and surface in communication, and walking out the door with my “duty” done. There was little excitement about being there and little anticipation for going. I am not blaming the churches, I am confronting a lie the enemy handed me and that I received. I had a distorted view of my place within the body of Christ and their place within my life. I wanted things to be different but had no idea how to make them different. God knew my struggle and graciously came to my aide.

I have spent the last five weeks attending a small Baptist church near our home. Each Sunday and Wednesday has been rich with Bible teaching, precious fellowship, and a deep sense of belonging and feeling at home. I have begun to ask myself, “Where can I get involved?” This place of worship is now like family to me and I marvel at how God brought it about. I would have to say, my heart was made receptive and open because of simple acts of kindness on the part of the people in that church. They reached out to me. Not to “get” from me but to simply nurture and minister to me and that has had a profound effect on me. For some it was done through hugs, showing an interest, upholding me in prayer, and just making me feel welcome. One in particular has come along side me and given me a safe place to discuss some places of pain, struggle, and strongholds. The result? I am ready to serve and minister to others out of a heart that has been ministered to. The very part of church that was minimized in my mind has been used of God to nurture me back to life and I am beyond amazed.

Father, I thank you for the believers who have been Your hand and heart to me. I am now ready to be that to others. Amen.

The Necessity and Power of Self-Talk

Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God. Psalm 43:5 (New American Standard Bible)

There were times David would cry out to God in difficult times. But he also knew the power and necessity of self-talk. This self-talk included questions as well as reminders. It redirected his focus and brought about internal change that acted as rungs of a ladder in order to climb out of emotional pits. We as believers would do well to follow his example.

Recently, I saw first hand how valuable and powerful this can be in my own life. After several hours of battling negative emotions, I took a piece of paper and began writing a note to myself. It was filled with reminders of truth about myself, my situation, and most importantly, my God! It is what others would have told me had they been able to come along side me to encourage me in the right direction. That would have been nice but I would have missed the experience of realizing once again that I have the mind of Christ and His Spirit dwelling in me. God wanted me to know that He will help me to draw out of my own reserves wise counsel and applicable knowledge. He is helping me to see that all the time I have spent in His Word, reading countless Christian books, and sitting under godly teaching has not been wasted. It has become a warehouse of wisdom within me and I am free to draw upon its contents at any time. The note took several minutes to write and was about a paragraph in length but the result was a shift in my thinking as well as my spirit. I had come out of my mental pit and the change was profound.

Does this replace prayer and seeking the advice of others? No. But it does give me a powerful tool to use. I have used it twice now and found the same results both times. David’s example is now becoming my personal experience and I stand in awe of the results. To say I am ecstatic is an understatement! I now plan to fill notebooks with these moments and later on have the joy of reviewing this aspect of my journey. I look forward to the moments God lets me know what to say to myself and how productive the discussion will be!

Father, my excitement is matched by my amazement. You have given me a precious key that unlocks yet one more door to freedom. I praise You! Amen.