A Point of Truth

As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God? Psalm 42:1,2 (New American Standard Bible)

David describes a longing of the heart. Every expectation. Every desire. Every pursuit. All directed toward God and found in God. I admire people like that. Those who have not only learned to place their hopes and expectations in God but live it daily. They reap the reward of finding their identity, security, and meaning of life in Christ. God is truly their source and center. They look to Him passionately, abide in Him joyfully, and pursue Him vigorously.

God has brought me to a point of truth within the past few hours. It followed an exercise whereby I was listing my expectations, disappointments, belief system, ruling passions, and subsequent behavior in regards to the relationships I have or desire to have with significant people. It took writing out my thoughts on several sheets of notebook paper for the truth to finally make its way into my heart. I have known bits and pieces of that truth for quite some time but the full impact hit me with force.

The truth I have come to acknowledge is that my expectations and longings have always been directed toward people. Thirty-six years ago, I sought God for the salvation of my soul and knew Heaven would be my eventual home. In that time I have learned much about God and even been excited about the things I learned. Yet my desires have often been more directed toward people. Looking to them to help me, heal me, and fix me. Looking to them to fill the voids of my life. Flesh and blood always seemed more tangible to me than turning to God for the same thing. I have lived most of my adult life in a cycling mode….look to people, expect certain things from them, live with disappointment at their inability to fulfill my expectations, and resume the search for one who could. All the while not knowing how to direct that search toward God Himself. Not knowing how to allow Him to be to me what I wanted people to be.

As beautiful as David’s words are in today’s passage, they remained foreign to me. I had yet to experience the reality of them in my own life. Tears mingled with joy as I expressed that to God with a longing and desire for Him. To finally be dependent on Him. To finally open my heart to receive all that He has been offering and longing to give me. This is new for me. I have had slight tastes of it before but never a full blown meal!

Six years ago I came to see that God’s love was not dependent on what I was doing. Today, I begin to live in that love! To be changed by it, impacted by it, and refreshed by it. It is starting with releasing others from my unrealistic expectations of them and placing those expectations on God.

Father, I am beside myself with anticipation, hope, and delight. I have finally learned to let You into the places I kept reserving for others. Forgive me for such resistance. My longings are toward You now. Amen.

All I Once Held Dear - Robin Mark
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGbuz8QuhmE

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.