Emotionally Driven

Therefore, when Saul saw that he behaved very wisely, he was afraid of him. 1 Samuel 18:15 (New King James Version)

When Saul saw David’s popularity increase, jealousy ruled. When he saw David behave in wise ways, fear ruled. When he knew David was to be the next king of Israel, hatred ruled. My Bible notes refer to Saul as one having “schizophrenic behavior.” Those in close contact with him would have witnesses his highs and lows to a point of never being sure of what to expect from him. Today, we would say, “they walked on egg shells.”

We are not told if those who knew him best knew what set him off each time his emotions led him to act out in anger or why he was so determined to destroy David. As I read the accounts, I have to ask myself if Saul himself even knew the root of his actions and attitudes. I ponder whether or not he ever wanted to change. Did he lose sleep? Did he make resolves to “do better next time?” Did he realize he needed help? Or did he live with attitude of justification and declaration that what he was doing was okay? Did he have people in his life who ever tried to get him to see the truth about himself? When the first few episodes took place, did he see that he had a problem?

For any who experience mood swings and inconsistent behavior, it is easy to relate with Saul. As I read the accounts of his life in Scripture, I find myself knowing how it feels to be ruled by emotions and feelings. While I do not act out in the same way, I act out none the less! My default mode is usually sullenness and silence when I experience insecurity, jealousy, rejection, or disappointment. I am talkative by nature and love being part of conversations and laughter. But when I am hit with a downward pull, that all changes. Those who are around me are never sure what to do with me or to me. I am sure that prayers go up but along with that they must experience frustration, concern, and a sense of bewilderment.

As I think back to the most recent occurrence I know one thing….I do not want my life to end up like Saul’s did…..no change, no freedom, no true living. It won’t as long as I see and acknowledge the truth and continually seek God’s help and healing in my life. It requires being honest with God, others, and myself. It requires obedience in that which I know must be said and done. Some would say I am too hard on myself. I would say I am in need of change.

Father, the cycle is vicious and the times of failure daunting. Help me to walk in victory in those areas that have been filled with defeat thus far. Show me what to do and give me the grace and desire to do it. Amen.

Wonderful Merciful Savior - Selah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQzrqmcwg8o&feature=PlayList&p=2715BD1BF5489D23&playnext_from=PL&index=0&playnext=1

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.