Whose am I Seeking?

Nevertheless many even of the rulers believed in Him, but because of the Pharisees they were not confessing Him, for fear that they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God. John 12:42-43 (New American Standard Bible)

Changing one’s mind, actions, or beliefs because of the opinion, judgment, or view of another person can be an unstable path to walk out your faith. According to today’s verse, there were rulers who believed in Jesus but would not let it be known because they feared the ramifications of the Pharisees. The approval of those in “charge” meant more to them than God’s approval. The sad thing is they were content to let it be that way. The approval of others is where they derived their honor, dignity, identity and security. In their minds, they could not afford to lose that approval and acceptance even at the risk of God’s disapproval.

I have spent most of the past four decades living with such approval seeking tendencies. So sure that others knew better than me and were wiser than me, I let them be in charge of my decisions and the direction of my life. Even if I was sure of something, one question on their part left me in doubt. I looked to them to set my standards, establish my guard rails, and dictate my belief system. I seemed to be more in tune of what they wanted of me and for me rather than what God wanted. Decisions could not be made with assurance unless I ran it past them first. This wasn’t their doing as much as it was mine. Unlike in the days of Jesus with the Pharisees, the people I sought approval from really had my best interest at heart. So what was wrong?

My relationship with God was often sketchy. I lacked the confidence that God could walk me through issues and difficulties. I left it up to others to tell me when I was right and when I was wrong. Even now when I know what it is like to hear God speak to me in my spirit, I still sense a need to run it by those I have come to trust. While the Bible says that there is wisdom found in a multitude of counselors, I can sometimes turn that into second guessing God and the things I know He has spoken to me.

The solution? Begin having more private conversations with God and taking the steps He directs me to take without asking people’s opinion. That is not easy for me. As a matter of fact it is both scary and uncomfortable. But I believe it is the necessary in order to develop stronger spiritual muscles. It will help me to become more dependent on God rather than on others. It is how I can begin to have a more intimate, connected walk with God. When the time is right, I can share with others what God is doing. Not out of a need for their nod of approval but as a way of acknowledging what God is doing.

Father, the journey is shifting once again. Replace my fears with anticipation of what You are about to do. My eyes are on You and my hand is in Yours. Lead me, guide me, change me. Amen.

My Deliverer - Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmGeeNDJzx0

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.