Breaking the Cycle

Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on. 1 Samuel 18:9 (New American Standard Bible)

A victory celebration evoked a negative and dangerous emotional response in Saul when the women of Israel credited David with an accomplishment that outshined Saul himself. His resentment, bitterness, and suspicion was directed toward David (not the women) even though David was unaware of the feelings against him and had done no wrong himself.

I relate with Saul all too well. Many have been the times I have harbored thoughts and feelings against others when they themselves did nothing wrong and when they weren’t even aware there was a problem on my end. Disappointment or unmet expectations can often be the trigger for such feelings and then the battle is on! Eventually David could tell that Saul was hateful and hurtful toward him but he didn’t know why. The people in my life may sense something has gone awry but not only do they not know what it is they don’t even know I’m holding something against them. It is a vicious cycle that has repeated itself more often than I care to admit. When it is all said and done the sense of shame and regret is added to the mix and the mess I bring to God is astounding.

In the wee hours of this night, God is helping me to see how much I am holding on to which is causing me to eye people with suspicion (just as Saul did with David). There is no joy in relationships when I have a list of things I have taken personally and held on to with a death grip of great proportion. The answer to how I release the grip comes in stages.

First, I see that the problem lies in me NOT in the people I harbor the feelings against. It boils down to my own insecurities and high expectations of others. Second, I admit to God that I have been keeping track and a hold of the perceptions, emotions, and feelings. It has been my choice by my own will. Third, I ask for and received His forgiveness for believing the lies and acting out of those lies.

I will experience freedom and victory in this area as I take these steps each time disappointment or perceptions begin to pull me into a wrong mindset. It is a matter of my choosing to acknowledge and release that which seeks to control me. Does it work? Yes! Will it continue to work? Absolutely….as I choose to do it!

Father, the joy of this truth keeps me from cringing at my past track record. Amen.

May I Be His Love - Kathy Troccoli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B6ieQL_Q-k

Getting into God's Word and letting God's Word get into me one truth at a time.